Three Weddings and a Funeral
by King in Yellow
Summary: Contents: A Civil Ceremony is barely civil. The Atypical Jewish Wedding is indeed atypical. Making Up Is Hard to Do for Wade and Joss. A Funeral in the Family for Nana Possible. All's Fair in Love is a warning to stay out of Joss's way. Best Enemies series.
1. A Civil Ceremony, part 1

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

NoDrogs created the twins, whose origin was altered in my stories.

This first wedding is set after Kim's senior year in college. The final chapter of R-E-S-P-E-C-T mentions this conversation.

**Wedding 1 – Keeping the Ceremony Civil, part 1**

"Frankly, I think all religion is a pile of crap."

Shego sighed and looked across the booth at Justine. "All I know is that finding out I was Jewish, when I didn't even know it, helped me to--"

"It gave you a crutch, you didn't need religion."

"Look, I--"

"I'm sorry," the thin blond woman told her, "but I really didn't ask you here to talk about religion."

"I just asked why you didn't plan on a religious ceremony."

"I know, and I'm telling you why I don't want one."

"Okay, but give me a minute for a hypothetical before I get back to your question."

Justine nodded.

"Okay, accept the possibility that a god might exist for a minute. Can you do that?" Justine nodded again, but her manner showed she was suspicious. "Now, we'll accept that most people who claim to talk with god are delusional. But if there were a god, and he revealed himself to someone, that individual would have proof for god's existence - right?"

"I'd say they're all delusional. But I'll accept that - in the hypothetical universe where your hypothetical god exists. But you couldn't tell the person with the real experience from the lunatics."

"True enough," Shego admitted. "I'm just saying divine revelation would be definite proof of existence. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Justine said with obvious suspicion. "But I'm not agreeing divine revelation has happened. I'm just agreeing that _if_ there were a god there _could_ be such a thing as divine revelation. I'm not agreeing there is."

"That's fine," Shego assured her. "Now, is absence of proof the same as proof of absence?"

"I don't follow you."

"You can't prove there's a hairbrush on my dresser. Does that prove there is no brush?"

"That's stupid, I can check your dresser."

"Okay, life on Venus."

"No life as we know it can exist on Venus."

"I didn't say life as we know it… Hey, I like this. I'll grant that no life we know can exist on Venus. Fine. But does that prove life different from what we know can't exist on Venus?"

Justine thought for a minute, "Okay, absence of proof is not proof of absence."

"Thank you for conceding the point. So if that hypothetical god existed, and people had no proof, it wouldn't mean god didn't exist - right?"

"That is the lamest--"

"I'm just saying agnosticism, not knowing if god exists or not, is rational. Right or wrong?"

"I don't know where you're going with this," Justine said slowly, "but I don't like it. Okay, agnosticism is rational."

"Thank you. Now, divine revelation would be a proof of god's existence. Lack of proof doesn't prove god doesn't exist so agnosticism is rational. But how does one prove god doesn't exist? It seems to me that, if there were a god, she--"

"She?" Justine smiled.

"For sure. If there were a god she would be beyond regular human understanding. You'd need a special revelation to know god existed. In the lack of that divine revelation – or what you can accept as special revelation - agnosticism makes sense. But to say god doesn't exist? Wouldn't that take the same level of something beyond human experience to establish proof? The only way to defend god doesn't exist is by divine revelation." The green woman took a sip of wine and grinned at Justine.

The younger woman shook her head in disgust. You're definitely thinking like a lawyer."

"Thank you."

"It wasn't a compliment."

"For me, it was. Now, back to your question. Justices of the Peace can perform weddings, but I don't know if we have any around here. Ship captains performing weddings is fiction. But, yeah, judges can perform weddings. I think they mostly do it in their offices at the court house, but they could do it anywhere, I guess."

"Your friend, the one who was at your wedding, think I could get her for a wedding?"

"Judge Armstrong? You'd have to ask her yourself. I'm guessing she'd do it for you in chambers."

"Chambers?"

"Her judge office at the court house."

"Could she do it other places? Could we use the loft at your place?"

"Hey, you've lived there for two years. I think you can count it as your place too until they finish the house you're building. When are you planning on the wedding?"

"Later this summer. The day Felix and I are ready to move in to our place. Wedding at your place, trash it during the party afterwards, then retreat to our own home."

Shego laughed. Justine has loosened up a bit in the last two years, but the woman was as obsessive-compulsive as Bonnie, only in different ways. "Hey, why do you need to get married? If religion is garbage you don't have to worry about living in sin."

"Would you like legal recognition of you and Kim together?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, law student, why?"

"Kim gets injured, her family could keep me from visiting her in the hospital--"

"Like they'd do that."

"Like they could," Shego snorted. "but they could legally try. She gets killed I couldn't keep the twins. I get hit by a semi after we stagger out of here and my folks could keep my money from her. If--"

"See, you don't have to believe in god to believe in marriage."

"Hey, I was just getting started. I got a long list in my class on family law. But, point taken."

"Thank you. Would you ask the judge for me? Or at least ask when I should call her? I don't want to disturb her at a bad time. Not the way to acquire optimal results."

"I'll ask, got to do something to earn my retainer. Oh, by the way, you're buying."

"That's what I figured."

There was a long pause before Shego brought up her worry. "Look, one of the reasons that Kim and I can get along without strangling each other is because we recognize that our religious views are important to both of us. She supports my Judaism. I support her Christianity. I'm worried in a relationship where one person may not respect the other's beliefs." Justine frowned slightly, and Shego guessed she might have hit a nerve, "Now, if you were one of those Bible-thumpers who claimed you had to be baptized in their church building and believe all six hundred and sixty-six things their pastor taught or you'd burn in hell, you'd be pretty obnoxious to be around. Right?"

"I'm not allowed to say, 'Oh, God,' am I? Because if I was, I'd say it. I had one of them in a class at MIT. And—"

"In a class at MIT?"

"They're not all total loons. Or at least not total loons in everything. You can be a good engineer and an obnoxious jerk. At Berkeley there were guys who'd show up on campus with bull horns and tell us all we were going to hell. Talk about idiots."

"And idiots and obnoxious jerks aren't limited to those who abuse others with their religious views. You can abuse others with anti-religious views too."

Justine flushed with anger, perhaps the strongest emotion Shego had ever witnessed in the tall woman, "THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

"You sound just like the thumpers when someone questions them." Justine struggled to bring herself under control. "Is that what you and Felix have been fighting about?"

"Fighting? We haven't been fighting."

Shego rolled her eyes. "And in denial too. The tension between you has been so thick lately you can cut it with a knife. Is it about religion?"

"No."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly… I think. I think he agrees with me. We never—"

"Well, you should. So what are you 'tense' about if you aren't fighting."

"Kids."

"Kids?"

"Kids."

"You're pregnant?"

"No! I don't want to have any kids. Felix says he wants a son."

"You don't want to have any kids?"

"No… Let's face it. My parents did a lousy job with me. I've got no social skills. I'd be the world's worst mother."

"You're good with the twins."

"Doesn't count – they aren't mine. I can play with them or I can hand them to someone else and not worry about them."

"I can see that," Shego agreed.

"Now it's great that you and Kim wanted kids—"

Shego held up a hand to quiet Justine. "Actually, I may be like you. I'm not sure I wanted kids. Hell, I'm not sure Kim really wanted kids. She was crazy with grief at the time and not thinking clearly. Now I love them, can't imagine life without them. But I'll back you on your right to chose. You shouldn't have kids on speculation, hoping you might decide to love them."

"So you agree with me."

"Mostly. But you need to talk honestly with Felix. And he needs to talk with you honestly. If it is so important to him that he won't marry unless you agree to try and have kids, or so important to you that you won't marry unless he agrees no kids you've got no business getting hitched."

"Will you sit down with us and mediate?"

Shego sighed. "I'll try. Mediator is different from advocate. Advocate I speak for you – and mediator tries to be fair to both sides. Which do you want?"

Justine hesitated. "Mediator, I guess."

"Okay, I'm willing to try. Two conditions. First, I can only act as mediator if Felix accepts me in the role. If he doesn't trust me I can't do it." Justine nodded. "Okay, second, I'm going to tell you when we meet… Hell, I'm going to tell Felix too, that neither of you know the future. In five years, or ten, both of you may have different ideas. In five years you may decide you want kids – or in five years he may agree with you. Can you recognize that's true?"

"I'm not going to—"

"You know the future too?"

"Fine," Justine snapped. "Maybe in five years I'll change my mind, but I don't think so."

"I'm not asking you to change your mind," Shego reminded her. "I'm just reminding you people can change. Hell, I'm the poster child for life is a crapshoot. Maybe in five years I'll have a bull horn on the Berkeley campus screaming at students to surrender their lives to Allah.


	2. A Civil Ceremony, part 2

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Chapter 2 of 3. Set after Kim's graduation from college in Best Enemies series.

**Wedding 1 – Keeping the Ceremony Civil, part 2**

Shego parked in front of the Renton home. She looked around and didn't see Justine's car, but didn't mind arriving a little early. Felix opened the door before she could ring the bell.

"Watching the street?" she asked.

"Well, yeah."

"Don't be nervous. Thanks for letting me call myself a mediator. If you don't feel like I'm giving you a fair chance to speak your views let me know."

"You're making me more nervous when you say that."

"Sorry, I'm kind of nervous myself. This is important to me. Kim and I have needed help a few times in resolving problems. Mediation skills are something I'll probably need in my job someday. And I really, really don't want to screw anything up between you and Justine."

"We can do that for ourselves, thank you."

"Is it really—" Shego stopped talking as Justine knocked on the door.

"Haven't seen you much lately," Shego commented to Felix as the three of them went into the Renton living room. "How's the job sitch…" She closed her eyes and shook her head, "Great, Kim is rubbing off on me."

"Not surprising, given the amount of time you two spend rubbing against each other," Felix commented. "Job prospects are okay. I've already had a couple short term positions. They bring me in to solve an IT problem; I fix it. I'm done."

Felix served iced tea and cookies. The silence around the Renton living room was almost deafening. Shego wished real hard for some divine revelation because she wasn't sure what to say. Without any immediate feeling of inspiration she plunged ahead, and hoped she didn't mess things up any worse than they already were.

"Look, I'm not a trained counselor. I'm not even a lawyer yet. I'm here thinking I'm a friend to both of you. Kim and I have had some fights where we've needed to sit down with someone else and talk things through. We were both picking up some vibes from the two of you lately, like something was off. I don't know I if I can resolve anything. Actually, it's not my job to resolve anything – you two have to do that for yourselves. But I want to make sure the two of you are being fair to each other in a couple areas."

Shego pulled a piece of paper from her pocket, containing a long list of items. The two looked fearful as she glanced slowly down list. Shego sighed, folded the list, and put it away. "Sorry, last week's grocery list. Wondered where I lost it, forgot the lemons." She put her hand in another pocket and pulled out a three by five card with a little writing.

"First item on the agenda… Felix, I hear you'd like a son."

Felix nodded.

"Justine, you don't want children."

"That is correct."

"Felix. Why, in twenty-five words or less."

"You're counting words?"

"No, take all the time you need."

Felix sighed, "My dad was the most important person in my life. I'd like to pass on the lessons he taught me. I'd like to go out to the driveway after work and teach him how to shoot baskets. I want to be a dad the way my father was a dad."

"Hmm, a question. You say son. The marvelous thing about children is that you can never be sure what you're going to get. Do daughters not count? You couldn't be a dad to a girl?"

Felix opened his mouth, and then shut it. "Okay, I'm a sexist pig. I was about to say if we had a daughter we could try again. And then you'd ask about a second daughter. And then I'd realize how bad I sounded. I guess I hadn't thought about a daughter… I don't know what I'd do with a daughter."

"What, you couldn't teach a girl how to shoot baskets?" Shego asked.

"Can you pick on Justine for a minute? I thought a mediator wasn't supposed to pick on just one of us."

"Sorry, but carrying the baby is a lot more work for the woman than the guy. Although from what I hear that isn't Justine's worry. Justine?"

"Felix, please. You know how bad I am in social situations. I'm short tempered and sarcastic. I don't like kids. I have no patience. I don't want a child. I'd be a terrible mother."

"You'd be a great mother!"

"Listen to me, Felix, I don't want any kids!"

Shego sat back and listened to them for a few minutes. They weren't saying anything new to each other, just repeating what had been said, in voices that slowly increased in volume. Shego pulled a whistle from her pocket and blew it shrilly. "Time-out, both of you. You both know exactly where you stand today. You both know exactly where the other stands today. There is no possible compromise between your present positions. If Justine was just worried about what having a baby would do to her physically I could suggest adoption. Not an option when she is worried about being an unfit mother—"

"But she wouldn't be," Felix interrupted.

"You interrupt me again during a time out, young man, and I'll make you sit in the corner. Justine is allowed to feel like Justine feels, and you are allowed to feel the way you feel. Neither one of you is right or wrong. You're being honest. There is a chance one or both of you could have a change of heart from today's position. But it won't happen today and you shouldn't look for it to happen anytime soon. It is possible you will both remain firm in your opinion. Felix, you know Justine's opinion. Can you marry a woman, knowing she doesn't want kids, or should we call this wedding off?"

"She could change her mind."

"So could you. Are you going to keep nagging her for a kid every day?"

"Why do you keep making me seem like the monster?"

"Men are easy targets." She turned, "Justine, you know a child is important to Felix. Could you take being married to him, knowing how he feels. Would you feel resentful? Is this important enough to you that you want to call the wedding off?"

"I asked you to help me with the wedding, not break us up!"

"I'm not trying to break you up. You two will break up yourselves if you aren't honest with each other. I'm not even going to touch the couple other points I wanted to talk about today. If either one of you decides you can't marry the other over this there's no point in talking about other things. You two need to talk. Do you need me here to keep either one of you from punching the other, or can I trust you do to decide what you're going to do without me?"

Justine and Felix whispered together for a minute. "You can probably leave for now."

Before leaving she made them swear an oath on a copy of National Geographic to not raise their voices and to try and listen to the other.

"You're insane, you know that," Felix pointed out.

"Keeping a sense of humor can help. You probably can't solve this today, just try and understand each other's hopes and fears."

We'll call you for round two," Justine promised.

_"I hope there is a round two,"_ Shego thought as she left them talking.


	3. A Civil Ceremony, part 3

Disney owns the characters from the Kim Possible series.

**Wedding 1 – Keeping the Ceremony Civil, part three**

"Well, what did the two of you decide?" Shego asked a week later as she sat down with Felix and Justine.

"We kind of agreed we didn't have to resolve it right now," Felix told her.

"You're right - we don't know the future," Justine seconded. "In a few years one of us may have a change of heart."

"And if neither of you do?"

"We don't know the future, remember?" Felix reminded her. "I didn't want kids immediately. Let's adjust to life with just the two of us first."

"And, for the sake of argument, Justine agrees to a child or you keep an accident, and it's a girl?"

"She's going to college on a basketball scholarship," Felix told her.

Shego looked at Justine, who smiled and shrugged, "There are no accidents. Just people who get careless. Fortunately, I'm never careless. If, however, I am the victim of product failure Felix will teach her basketball. But I am not letting him near my pills."

"Felix?"

"I think we reached as good a compromise as we could. We want to get married."

"We love each other. That should be what's most important," Justine said.

"Should be," the pale woman agreed. She hesitated, she couldn't raise the question she really wanted to ask. They were both good people. Justine was the smartest person she knew, with amazing confidence about her scientific abilities – but insecure over her looks and lack of social skills. Felix was warm, smart, charming, witty, and sincere. But when people saw him they saw the wheelchair first. Shego had not believed Kim's confession of how hard it had been for her to accept Felix as a person. Did the two love each other for their mutual strengths, or were they frightened and holding on to each other, afraid no one else could love the person they were? Shego decided the question could not be asked and turned to an easier subject. "I've got two for today. Easy one first. Well, maybe an easy one. What's happening as far as last names after the wedding?"

"I'm taking her name," Felix said solemnly.

"What?"

"I'm going to be Mrs. Renton," Justine told Shego.

"So there'll be two Dr. Rentons in your lab?" Shego asked.

"Maybe," Felix said. "since she isn't worried about her errant son any more my mom's dating again. She's got a steady guy now. I think they're serious."

Shego looked at Justine, "I'm not trying to talk you out of it, but somehow I saw you keeping your name."

"It would take too long to explain," the tall woman answered. "I thought about keeping Flanner--"

"And it would have been fine with me if she had," Felix insisted. "I put in an order for a kid."

"Not going to get him," Justine reminded him. "Anyway, I just wanted to let the world know how much he means to me."

Felix beamed, and Shego breathed a sigh of relief, "So I don't need my whistle on that one?"

"No," they agreed.

Shego took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "Okay, another biggie. Felix, Justine has strong feelings about religion."

"I'll say."

"Do you agree with her?"

Felix hesitated.

"Tell her you do," Justine prodded.

"Don't put words in his mouth," Shego warned.

Felix tried again, "Look, I—"

Justine spoke up, "He agrees with me."

"I can put you in the corner, young lady," Shego warned. "Felix, what's going on?"

"You know what you said about not knowing the future?"

"Yeah."

"You're right."

"That's nice to know. I suspected as much. Now, if you don't mind, what in the hell are you talking about?"

Felix sighed. "We were a church going family. Dad was a deacon. After the accident I gave up on God. What kind of a God lets a good man like my dad be killed like that? For a year or two after the accident I was really bitter and angry."

Justine reached over and took Felix's hand as he talked. Shego noticed the gesture, and the smile on his lips at her touch.

"Really early in our relationship Justine and I were talking at the student union in California. I can't even remember why it came up. But I told her I'd given up on God."

"See," Justine interrupted, "that's what I meant."

"Second warning," Shego threatened. "You speak out of turn again and I'll put you in the corner… Or over my knee. I'll give Felix his choice."

Justine closed her mouth tightly.

"But you said I was right about not knowing the future?"

"Yeah. Sometimes those Sunday school lessons come back to me. I don't think God is a big guy sitting on a throne somewhere. I don't think he makes a lot of stuff happen, he leaves that to us. Why he allows bad stuff to happen… I don't know. I wouldn't let it happen if I were God, but I'm not. And there's not just bad stuff in my life. There are the good things too… Are they all just accidents?"

Shego raised a hand to quiet Felix, "We've got to give Justine a turn. She's about to boil over."

"Good things?" Justine sputtered, "What good things?"

"I wasn't killed in the accident. I wasn't left in a hospital bed for the rest of my life. Maybe even the fact Mom wasn't with us in the car. The friends I've made. Meeting you. You loving me."

"I refuse to be an argument for the existence of God!"

"He's telling me his opinion, his feelings. He's as entitled to his opinions as you're entitled to yours."

Justine fell into something of a sulky silence.

"So, your feelings may be changing… What are you doing about that?"

"I've been back to church with my mom a few times lately. I don't know if I've really comfortable there yet, but I want to go more."

"What do think about Justine's views?"

Felix shrugged, "That's the way she was raised. Most of us don't move very far from the way we were raised."

"That doesn't make it right," Justine protested.

"True enough," Felix agreed. "But that could be said for you too."

"Married life," Shego announced. "Justine, you don't believe in God. I assume you would like Felix to agree with you. How much would a husband going to church bother you – scale of one to ten?"

The thin woman protested, "You can't quantify something like that."

"You can try."

"I'm not sure. At least a four, maybe a five."

"Could you learn to live with it, or would it get on your nerves?"

"I don't know the future, remember?"

Shego laughed. "I can't argue. But guess."

"I guess I could learn to live with it."

"Felix, same question."

"Well, I've known Justine's opinion for years. And I still want to marry her. I think on a bother level probably not more than one or two. Yes, it would be wonderful if she went to church with me, but I'm not going to pressure her."

"She wants a civil ceremony. Does that bother you at all?"

"Not a bit. I don't care if we're married by a head hunter from Bora-bora with a bone stuck through his nose."

Shego turned to Justine, "You want me to look into that option?"

"Pass. Did you get the phone number of the judge for me?"

"Oh, thanks for reminding me." Shego pulled a slip of paper from her pocket. "Home phone. She says call between six and eight most weeknights. Leave a message if she's not there and she'll get back to you."

The three sat around and talked for a while after the meeting. "I feel like a total failure," Shego confessed. "I don't think anything was resolved."

"Well, it wasn't," Felix agreed. "But you got us talking honestly with each other. That's the important part."

"Well, I want you two to know that you've been an inspiration to me."

"Really? How?" Felix wanted to know.

"There are a lot of people who couldn't believe Kim and I got together. We're so different. But after talking with you two? Hey if you can pull off married life it'll be a piece of cake for Kim and me. I'd appreciate it if the two of you could stay together."

--

When James Possible had purchased the old Kringle house for Kim the realtor had promised him gentrification had started in the neighborhood. The improvements had not been obvious at the time. Now other old homes were being renovated while new homes went up on some empty lots. Felix and Justine's modern ranch-style occupied a former empty lot only a couple blocks from Possible manor. Felix or Justine stopped by every day to check on the contractor's progress. They set the date for the ceremony on the third weekend in August.

Felix and Justine suggested ten, and the judge countered with eleven for the time of the wedding. On weekends Alice Armstrong didn't like to get out of bed before ten. She rarely performed marriages, and even more rarely performed them outside her office at the courthouse. But she thought her firm might hire Shego after law school and wanted the green woman to know she owed Alice a favor some year when the judge dropped something especially nasty on her desk.

Justine might have settled for the three minutes it might take to complete a civil ceremony, but their friends insisted Felix and Justine have a little more than the bare minimum.

Justine felt no need for a wedding dress. The dress she bought, like the woman herself, was somewhat severe and practical. She didn't require a bride's maid dress for her witness, Shego. Felix and Ron wore suits.

"I don't normally wear the robe outside the courthouse," Judge Armstrong explained before the ceremony. "But for a friend of Sharon I will."

The judge had Felix, Justine and their witnesses sign the license before the ceremony. "I'm not going to hunt you down during the party if there's one afterwards." She inhaled deeply, "And it smells like there will be."

"How can I sign as witness if I haven't seen them married?"

"Sign, Ron," Felix told him.

Neither Monique nor Bonnie made it back to Middleton. Zita was there, looking forward to her own place in the near future. Felix's mom was there, of course, along with two men from the lab in the Research Center where she and Justine worked and a third man who never left her side. Vivian Porter attended, with the two men from Dr. Renton's lab jockeying for a position close to her. Justine's parents were there, stern and taciturn. Kim wondered if Justine had been an accident or an experiment for the two of them. Felix invited a dozen of his closer friends from classes at the U. Kasy and Sheki weren't certain how a wedding could take place in their own home, but insisted on wearing the dresses purchased for them when they served as flower girls for Monique's wedding. With Justine's permission Kim also bought them two small baskets and filled them with flower petals. The two ran around the loft, pelting guests with flower petals until Alice indicated she was ready to start the ceremony and Kim almost managed to get the pair under control.

At eleven Ron addressed the crowd, "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears, I come to bury Felix, not to praise him… Oh, wait, my bad. It's the wife's job to bury. I'm here to praise him.

"There aren't many guys who can claim to have found the perfect woman for them. And every body has a different idea of what the perfect woman is like. I had an Irish guy in one class who insisted the perfect woman has a flat head and is short enough you can rest your glass of beer on her head--"

"Ron," Felix hissed, "focus."

"Oh, right. Sorry. Anyway, not a lot of guys can claim to have found the perfect woman for them, but in Justine my buddy Felix has found the ideal woman. She's got a good job out at Middleton Research so she can support him in the manner to which he has become accustomed and she doesn't object when Felix and I have the occasional all-nighter with Zombie Mayhem three or some new video game. I--"

Shego coughed, "Uh, Ron, I need to say something."

"Ah, man. Don't stop me now. I'm on a roll."

"Sorry," she said producing an official looking envelope and handing it to Ron, "but I need to serve you."

"Serve me?"

"A restraining order. About those all night video game sessions with Felix? He's a married man now, has responsibilities to his wife. Once Felix and Justine move into their new house you won't be allowed within fifty yards." Shego looked over to Justine and gave her a wink. The thin woman gave her a slight smile and nod of the head.

Frowning, Ron opened the envelope and read the letter inside. "What is it," Felix demanded, looking worried.

Suddenly Ron started laughing. "Well, the first part says we shouldn't throw any all-nighters without warning Justine first. And then," Ron held up three slips of stiff orange paper with printing on one side, "she gave me three 'get out of deep shit free' cards."

"What will you sell them to me for?" Felix demanded.

Ron held on to his prizes tightly, "Not for sale. The letter says they're non-transferable."

Justine spoke up, "They're for all the wonderful meals I've had here the last couple years."

"But there are only three," Shego reminded him. "The two of you might try avoiding situations where Ron would need to use one of his free passes."

"Learn to cook," Ron whispered loudly to Felix, "it's the way to her heart."

"And the way to mine," the judge growled, "is to pay attention. I'm here for a wedding."

The couple turned to the judge, who asked, "Felix Renton, do you take Justine Flanner as your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do."

"Justine Flanner, do you take Felix Renton to be your wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward?"

"I do."

Alice told Felix to repeat the vows as she gave them to him a phrase at a time.

"Justine, I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife. Before these witnesses, I vow to love you and care for you, as long as we both shall live."

Justine repeated the vows also, and the judge declared, "I now pronounce you husband and wife," as their friends cheered.

Ron had prepared an elaborate luncheon following the ceremony. The Flanners slipped away soon after eating. The other guests and friends spent a couple hours with champagne toasts to the couple and conversation. An exception to the champagne toasts was Judge Armstrong, who had been promised a bottle of good Scotch.

In the mid-afternoon most of the guests walked or drove over to Felix and Justine's new home and helped them move in and arrange furniture. Shego drove the judge home, and made it back in time to help with the last details of the move. Felix and Justine ordered pizza and had a housewarming party for their friends.

Kim and Shego left early, to take the twins home. They guessed that Ron might be the last guest to leave, and that Justine might have to threaten him to get him out.

"What a contrast," Kim remarked on the walk home. "Could it have been any more different from Monique's wedding?"

"Nope," Shego agreed, swinging Kasy up on her back for a piggy-back ride. "Simple and practical. Perfect for Justine."


	4. Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 1

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

This second wedding is set some three or four years after Kim has graduated from college.

There will be an interlude set prior to this story before the funeral. (The interlude is set prior - the funeral will be set later than this story. Just giving you warning.)

**Wedding 2 – Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 1**

**Your Place, or Mine?**

Bonnie smiled as she leaned over and gently nibbled on Ron's ear as he lay asleep.

Ron didn't bother to open his eyes, "Are you hinting you want me to make breakfast?"

She quit chewing on his ear to answer, "Don't bother. I'll just snack on this."

"Fine, I'll make breakfast."

"Actually, I have a real question. How come we stopped talking about the wedding after we started practicing for the honeymoon?"

"We never talked about a wedding. I asked if you wanted to marry me and you said yes."

She knocked twice on his forehead, "Hello, how are we supposed to get married without a wedding?"

He assumed a look of blank surprise, "I always wondered how that worked." He spoke slowly, as if trying to get the concept clear in his mind, "We have a wedding. And then we're married. That sounds simple enough." He looked at Bonnie, "I'm in favor of it. Count me in."

She considered pretending to strangle him, but one of them needed to be serious. "We need to talk about it, really."

"Okay, how about a June wedding," he suggested. "I'm going to get my last degree… Or do you think I should do graduate work in organic chem?"

"California has colleges too."

"Really? I thought all it had was beautiful women and movie stars."

"Don't forget Mexican gardeners."

"It's the beautiful movie stars I'm interested in."

"I've been in one movie. And I wasn't the star."

"What makes you so sure I was talking about you?"

She considered her Middleton strangler role again, then realized. "Wait, you said this June?"

"Sure, I'll pencil you in."

"RON! Men are hopeless. Do you have any idea how long it takes to plan a wedding?"

He shook his head no. "I'm a man. We don't think, remember? How about December, or next year then?"

"No, we can do it this June. Honestly Ron, are all men helpless around weddings?"

"I guess so. Well, isn't it tradition that the bride picks everything for the service? Maybe it's 'cause we're helpless. Or maybe we don't worry about it 'cause we know you'll take care of everything for us."

"I'm starting to understand why Kim dumped you for Shego."

"She didn't dump me."

"We'll argue about that later. We've got a wedding to plan, and I'd like you to have some say in the ceremony."

"And break with tradition? No way! So, wedding at your church?"

Bonnie grew silent, and stared at the ceiling of her room in Middleton. "I haven't been to church in a long time," she sighed. "I loved Father Tom when I was growing up. Then the bishop moved him and brought in Father Patrick… You heard about his arrest didn't you?"

Ron nodded, "Was that for something he did in Middleton?"

"No… I don't know if Middleton was lucky or no one came forward. He was convicted for molesting kids before he served our parish. And the bishop knew - kept giving him churches anyway… We all just stopped going to church… I think my mom and one of my sisters are going again. Mom said you can't blame the church for the bad people in it. I don't know… The fact the bishop didn't do anything; I just don't want to go back again. I don't want my kids… our kids going there."

Ron didn't know what to say. He gave her a reassuring squeeze. Finally he asked, "So, ask Shego's boss to perform the wedding like she did for Justine?"

It took Bonnie a minute to say anything. "How important is your Judaism to you?"

The question stunned Ron, who attempted to deflect it, "How come you only ask serious question when we're in bed?"

"Because when we're not in bed all you think about is getting me into bed."

"Well, now that I have you here," he chuckled and with the arm not around her he reached for a breast.

Bonnie giggled, and pushed his hand away. "I'm serious."

It was Ron's turn to stare silently at the ceiling for a minute also. "I guess it means it a lot to me. I mean, I'm not very observant… Sometimes I feel guilty over how little I do, but my identity is still Jewish, it's the way I always think about myself. I don't want to change that. It's who I am."

Bonnie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Can we have a Jewish wedding? I've kind of lost my faith, but you still have yours. I don't want to take that away."

Ron stared hard at her.

"What's wrong?" she demanded.

"You think you know someone, and then they surprise you like this."

"I don't understand."

He took her in his arms. "Five minutes ago I would have sworn I couldn't love you any more than I did then. I was wrong."

Their lips had almost met when the pounding started on Bonnie's door. "Aunt Bonnie! Daddy! Time to make breakfast."

"Sorry," Ron whispered. "I'll be downstairs in a minute," he called towards the door.

"When are you going to ask Kasy to stop calling you Daddy?"

"I think it's pretty funny."

"I have this horrible vision of her hanging on to your ankle as you try to walk down the aisle with me, and she's crying, 'Daddy, don't leave Mommy and me'."

Ron chuckled, "That would be hysterical."

Bonnie groaned, "And if she were your daughter she'd do it."

"Oh, did I ever tell you that you have a rival?"

"Huh?"

"Maybe I shouldn't tell you. She swore me to secrecy."

"Okay, now you have to tell me."

"A year or so ago Sheki told me she was going to marry me when she grew up." Ron chuckled, "I'll bet she doesn't even remember that now."

"When she grows up, or when you grow up. I'm not sure which one will happen first."

"You're cruel. Now, come on," Ron told her, sitting up in bed. "I need to work on breakfast or they'll be breaking down the door."

Kim bolted her breakfast and ran for work at Global Justice. "Thanks for coming in to watch the girls on the teachers' in-service day."

"No problem," Bonnie assured her.

"I suspect she had incentives beyond taking the twins shopping," suggested Shego.

Ron and Bonnie chuckled softly and Kim glared at the pale woman, "That's enough honesty in front of the twins," Kim warned her.

"What?" Sheki demanded.

"Never mind."

Shego enjoyed breakfast, being careful to keep her suit clean, before leaving for the office. "Are you sure you want to take the girls shopping?" she asked Bonnie.

"Sometimes I feel like they're my kids too," the brunette replied, smiling at the twins.

"Yea! Aunt Bonnie!" Sheki cheered.

"We can talk about joint custody later," Shego promised as she prepared to leave.

"Oh, Ron and I are getting married in June." The twins stared at her.

"About effing time, if you know what I mean. I think Kim already told the twins you were - to, um, avoid some questions."

"Flower girls! Can we be flower girls?" the girls demanded. "Can we look for dresses today?"

"Elope to Vegas, now," Shego suggested as she left.

As soon as Shego left Kasy picked up Smaug and put him on the table, then she started feeding him scrambled eggs, to the creature's obvious pleasure.

"Does your Mommy let you feed Smaug on the table?" Bonnie demanded.

"Mommy's not here," the little red head answered with impeccable logic. "Neither is Eemah."

"But I am. I could tell your Mommy when she gets home."

Suddenly the little girl looked scared, "You wouldn't do that, would you?"

"No, I suppose not," Bonnie sighed. "I'll just leave you with a babysitter and take Sheki shopping without you."

Kasy put a resentful looking miniature dragon down on the floor, where he ran around the feet of others at the breakfast table demanding the attention (and scrambled eggs) he felt he deserved.

At the end of the morning's shopping they put bags in the trunk and took a break for lunch.

As the twins feasted on grilled cheese sandwiches and French fries Bonnie questioned them. "So, what's it like to go to synagogue on Saturday morning and church on Sunday?"

"Church is shorter," Sheki offered.

"But you can go out if you want to at the synagogue. There's always something to eat after services at the synagogue."

"But they don't have Sunday school."

"Well, it's Sabbath. How can they have Sunday school on Sabbath?"

"Okay, but I like Mrs. Hendrickson."

"I like her too. She's nice. And they're more kids to play with at church."

Bonnie sighed, wondering why she had hoped for deep insight from children. The morning conversation with Ron stayed with her. She had been to services with the Stoppables on a couple Friday evenings. Ron's mom said they were going more now than they used to, for the sake of Hana. Liturgical services and lectionary readings, even if they didn't call them lectionary readings, seemed normal to her. If Hana could be Jewish couldn't she be Jewish too? Looking at Ron, and how he lived, it didn't seem so hard. Shego was more of a pain about Jewish rules, but it shouldn't be too difficult to live as Jewish as Ron.

The longer she thought about it the more sense it made to her. When the three returned home from afternoon shopping Ron was in the kitchen, braiding challah. "Ron, how do you become Jewish?" Ignoring the warnings of potential salmonella she pinched off a small piece of the sweet bread dough and ate it.

"I became Jewish because my parents were Jewish."

"Okay, literalist, how do _I _become Jewish?"

"You?"

"Yes, how do I convert?"


	5. Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 2

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Wedding 2 – Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 2**

**When One Door Opens, Another Closes**

"Ron, good to see you. This is Bonnie Rockwaller?" Rabbi Katz said as he welcomed the couple to his office.

"Please, call me Bonnie."

"You look familiar."

"I've been to services a few times with the Stoppables."

"She's on an afternoon soap opera. Sometimes her picture is in the paper."

They chatted for several minutes before Bonnie expressed her interest in converting to Judaism.

Rabbi Katz shook his head, "Sorry, but the answer is no."

"You don't do conversions to Judaism?" Ron asked.

"As a rule, no. I send people who want to convert to the Orthodox rabbi."

"But you can do conversions?" Bonnie wanted to know.

"I can do conversions. The problem is that many Jewish denominations don't recognize Reform conversion. Everyone recognizes Orthodox conversion."

"I don't care what the name is. You're Ron's rabbi, can't you do it for me?"

He shook his head, "No, I won't. And I don't think any rabbi will. Just listening to you, I don't think you really understand much about Judaism. You would be converting for Ron, not because you were committed to Judaism. Conversion isn't to be taken lightly. I think any Rabbi would want more of a commitment from you than you can give now."

Ron took Bonnie's hand. "Bonnie has kind of quit her church. She… We would like a Jewish wedding. Can we have it here," Ron asked. "Will you perform the ceremony?"

"No."

"You won't even perform the ceremony?" Bonnie asked in disbelief.

"No, I won't. When I became a rabbi I pledged to never perform inter-faith marriages. I've remained true to that promise. Almost half the Jews in America marry non-Jews. After all our enemies failed to destroy us; we're doing it to ourselves."

"But I offered to convert," Bonnie pointed out.

"For the wrong reasons. It isn't easy being a Jew-"

_"And you sure aren't making it any easier."_

"-conversion is for those who have made a serious commitment to the Jewish faith."

"But she wants our children to be raised Jewish."

The rabbi shrugged. "That's what she says now. I'm sure she means it, now. If, God allow, you have children will she still have the willingness? Ron, I love you and your parents. But you aren't the examples I'd point to in the congregation if someone asked for an example of living a Jewish life."

The rabbi sensed Ron's anger, but wouldn't back down from his own beliefs. "She's willing to try and raise any children as Jews?"

"Yes," Ron snapped.

Bonnie put her hand on Ron's and squeezed gently, asking him calm down by her actions.

Rabbi Katz sighed, "I don't normally tell my congregants to go talk with another rabbi… Do you know Rabbi Ruth Horowitz at the Reconstructionist temple? She teaches at the University."

"We know her," Bonnie answered. "A woman I live with attends there."

"Talk with her," the rabbi suggested. "She sometimes does mixed marriages if she believes the Gentile partner will respect Judaism." He turned to Ron, "Tell her to call me if she's concerned because you don't belong to her congregation."

As the two prepared to leave the Rabbi offered as much encouragement as he felt he could. "If you raise your children as Jews, Reform congregations will accept them as Jewish," he told Bonnie. "But other Jews won't. And the emphasis is on 'raised as Jews'."

Ron vented in the parking lot before they put on helmets and got on his motorcycle, "He's been my rabbi since I was ten! And he won't even marry me!"

"He's not your type," Bonnie interrupted in an effort to help Ron's mood, "I am."

"Sorry. I'm just so mad now. This is why Jews become Christian. This and kashering the house for Pesach."

"Don't give up," Bonnie told him. "You're just mad now. You'll get over it."

"I know," Ron sighed. "Mad and disappointed." He took her in his arms and kissed her. "But not with you. You're wonderful."

--

"My whole salary is going to support the airline industry," Bonnie complained the next weekend. "Planning a wedding is hard work."

"I told you to elope to Vegas," Shego reminded her.

Bonnie ignored the suggestion. "We have a meeting with your rabbi on Sunday?"

"Yes, she's coming over here. Do you want me to meet with you?"

"Hmm, yeah, I would. Let me ask Ron though to make sure."

"You really care what he thinks?"

"It's our wedding. I'm trying to force him to make some decisions other than choice of bride."

"Well, he did so well on that one – maybe he could make another good call."

Kim sat on Sunday's meeting also. "I talked with your rabbi," Ruth began, "he gave me some background on what you'll be asking… Ron, you look a little nervous."

"Just remembering that you told Shego she had to stay kosher for a year before you'd do the wedding."

"Sharon is a special case," the rabbi began.

"I'll say," Kim murmured.

"She had discovered she was halakhically Jewish, but had no real sense of what that meant and was still trying to figure her heritage out. I wanted to make sure she accepted that heritage before I did the ceremony. Ron, you're a different kind of special case. I don't normally perform weddings for someone from another congregation. Rabbi Katz told me that you and Bonnie plan to raise any children as Jews."

Bonnie spoke up, "That's right."

"Now you recognize that according to halakah any children… Do you know what halakah means?"

"I think it's what the Torah, the Law, is understood to mean," the brunette answered.

The rabbi smiled, "Very good. Now according to the rules children born to a Gentile mother are not Jewish."

"Rabbi Katz said something about Reform Jews recognizing the children if the father is Jewish."

Rabbi Ruth shrugged, "Reform congregations might - if you raised the children as Jewish. Most Jews wouldn't. If you really want any children to be raised as Jews I hope you would want the wider Jewish community to recognize the child as Jewish. It can be done."

"What my parent's did for Hana."

"Hana?"

"Sorry, I have an adopted Japanese sister. They took her to the mikveh or something."

Rabbi Ruth explained to Bonnie, "It's a little more complicated than that. A baby boy would require ritual circumcision. Later the baby, boy or girl, requires tevilah." She felt a need to explain that. "It means immersion in a ritual bath, the mikveh Ron just mentioned."

"Like baptism?" Kim asked. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't offend me at all. Where do you think you Christians got baptism?"

"That's it?" Bonnie asked. "Baptism?"

"Well, that's not exactly 'it'. And we don't call it baptism. You'll need a Jewish name for a child; that is usually given at the tevilah ceremony. Then a Bet Din, a rabbi's council, can declare the child Jewish. You usually have three rabbis. If Orthodox and Conservative rabbis recognize the child as Jewish everyone should recognize the child as Jewish."

"My mom and dad are both Jewish, so there was no problem with Hana. Will it make a difference since Bonnie isn't Jewish?"

"It shouldn't. Most of the rabbis figure if you have a brit milah, a circumcision, for a son and go through tevilah it demonstrates you're serious about raising the child Jewish and are happy to welcome the infant."

"Rabbi Katz sure didn't welcome my offer to convert."

Ruth shrugged, "Frankly, I agree with him. You don't know enough about what it means. If you can raise children who identify as Jews, and if you want to convert then – you should be welcomed with open arms."

Shego spoke up. "Moving past the issue of Ron and Bonnie having kids some day… That's a scary thought, isn't it, Kim"  
The red head shook her head in agreement.

"Anyway," the pale woman continued, "the two of them have a more immediate interest. They want to know if you'll do a wedding. I think I heard you say you would."

"I did. When and where are you looking at?"

"Third weekend in June," Ron told her. "And I know we can't use my synagogue."

"Can we have the wedding at your synagogue?" Bonnie asked.

'Sorry, we don't have our own building. We're a small congregation and we've worked a deal out with the Presbyterians. But I won't do weddings on Shabbat, and the Presbyterians have first dibs on Sundays. You'll need to find another location. I can perform a wedding anywhere."

"How about the theater in Lowerton, where you were 'discovered'?" Kim suggested.

"I don't want to make a big production out of it. I want a small, simple wedding like you and Shego had up in the loft… What do you say, Ron?"

"What do I say about what?"

"The loft, upstairs."

"What about it?"

"Gah! Do you want to get married there? Honestly, can you pay attention?"

"I was, I was thinking the sun room might be nice now that it's fixed up."

"Ooh, you're right. Okay, I still want to marry you… But how many people can we get in there?"

"We're talking very small wedding," Ron reminded her. "I think they'll fit."

"Whatever number you're thinking," Shego warned, "double it. Guest lists only grow bigger."

"It sounds like the wedding will be here," Bonnie told the rabbi. "We'll pick the exact room later."

"Sharon and Kim went with a fairly traditional ceremony," the rabbi reminded them, "slightly modified to fit who they are. How traditional are you thinking?"

"Ketubah for sure after what you told Shego," Ron spoke up. "Chuppah would be nice, I guess. You can skip the rest of the megillah… Oh, got to smash the glass."

Bonnie poked Ron in the ribs, "What did you just say?"

"The ketubah, the wedding contract – Kim and Shego have theirs hanging in the living room. Chuppah, the wedding canopy Jews get married under…" Ron turned to the rabbi, "Do you have a tallis I could use?"

"Do you want me to buy you one as a wedding gift?" Shego offered.

"Nah, I never wear one in services. And I'll bet Bonnie wants colors that don't go with your green and black so I won't ask to borrow yours."

"I'll have one for you," the rabbi assured him.

"Okay, that's the contract thing and canopy thing, and I remember breaking the glass," Bonnie objected. "But what's the megalith thing?"

"Megalith? … Oh, that was a joke. I said I didn't need the whole megillah, everything, including the kitchen sink, in the ceremony."

"It means little scroll," the rabbi explained. "Some books of the Scriptures are written on small scrolls. When they are read on certain holidays we read the whole megillah." She turned to Ron, "So, you are wanting a very simple ceremony."

"Yeah, the main thing is that Bonnie and I will be married."

"Of course he wants a simple ceremony," Bonnie interrupted, "he's a man. I don't mind simple, as long as it's beautiful."

"Marry them now," Shego groaned. "Get it over with. These two should have married years ago."

"I can't believe it took Bonnie this long to drag him to the altar," Kim added. "It's embarrassing to have them in the house with growing kids when she comes home for the weekend."

"You two are supposed to be their friends," the rabbi reminded Kim and Shego.

"Hey, if you can't abuse your friends who can you abuse?" Shego commented.


	6. Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 3

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Wedding 2 – Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 3**

**You Can't Choose Family**

Flying back to Middleton every weekend for wedding planning proved exhausting for Bonnie. Sometimes, when she grew tired and cranky, she yelled at Ron. He responded to her stress by giving her a back rub, and then cooking some wonderful treat which would remind her of why she wanted to marry him.

Bonnie took most of the responsibilities on herself because she avoided her family as much as possible. And because she took so many burdens on herself some tasks were occasionally overlooked in the hurry to get others done. One Saturday afternoon, with Ron at his parent's house getting the names and addresses of relatives for the invitations, Bonnie was startled to realize she still didn't have bridesmaids.

"Kim, will you be my maid of honor?"

"Wouldn't having kids make me matron of honor?"

"Look, I don't care what you call it. Will you do it?"

Kim smiled, "It would be an honor. How many are you having?"

"I wanted to ask about that. I mean, I don't really need any. I remember one freakishly huge Catholic wedding where they each must have had six or seven. You lost the bride and groom in the crowd."

"It's your wedding. How many do you want? I don't think you want more than three each in the loft. It's a small wedding, one for each of you would be fine," Kim suddenly giggled.

"What's so funny?"

"Did Ron tell you he asked me to be best man?"

"He what!"

"I turned him down. I thought you might not appreciate it. I had asked him to be best man for me at my wedding."

"You're making even less sense that usual, Possible. You asked him to be your best man?"

"Yeah, but Monique vetoed it. Said I had to go with all male or all female attendants."

Bonnie rubbed a hand over her face in exasperation, "I miss Mon. Now I feel like the only sane person at the asylum. Ron asked you to be best man? Why?"

"You've been encouraging him to do more with the planning."

"Now I know why women plan weddings. But, back to how many attendants should I have… Two? I could ask Tara. Three? Ask Shego? What do you think?"

"I think you need to ask Lonnie and Connie."

"NO!"

"They're family."

"They made life at home hell for me. They're the reason I wanted to move in here."

"And for that I'm grateful. Look, I know they made your life miserable. But family is still family. You need to ask."

"No I don't!"

"Yes, because you're better than they are."

As Kim and Bonnie argued at the big house Ron had his own battles going on at the Stoppable home.

"I won't wear a dress!" Hana punctuated the statement by stamping her foot on the floor. "I won't!"

Ron looked to his mother for help, "Sorry, dear. But you know that since the day she started dressing herself she hasn't wanted to wear dresses."

"But she sometimes does."

Ron's mom gave him a wry grin, "It always takes a fight. How much struggle do you want on your wedding day?"

"You wouldn't even do it for me?" Ron asked his sister, doing his best imitation of Kim's puppy dog pout.

"I won't wear a dress!"

"So, you're coming to my wedding naked?"

She hesitated, "What are you going to wear?"

"I'm going to rent a tuxedo."

"I want a tuxedo! What's a tuxedo?"

"It's like a fancy suit. The groom's friends wear them."

"I want a tuxedo."

Ron glanced at his mom, who nodded her head, "Yes," telling him he could accept the tux for his little sister.

"Okay," Ron sighed, "the flower girl can wear a tuxedo."

"No! I don't want to be a flower girl."

"Do you want to come to my wedding?"

"Yes. But I don't want to be a flower girl."

Ron sighed, "Look, if you were my brother I'd ask you to be best man, but--"

"I want to be best man."

"Not an option, short stack. Felix has already agreed… Do you want to be ring bearer?"

"What's a ring bearer?"

"You carry in the rings. I was going to have Felix hold Bonnie's ring for me. The best man often guards the ring. It's very important. We can't do the wedding without the rings. Do you think you could do it? Are you big enough?"

"Can I, please?"

"I dunno, it's really important. The whole wedding would depend on you doing a good job."

"Please, Ron-san, please?" Hana was bouncing up and down now with eagerness.

"Hana-chan," Ron said solemnly. "Do you swear on your honor as a Stoppable to faithfully execute the duties of the ring bearer should your older brother, who loves you very, very much, ask you to serve as ring bearer?"

"I do! I do! I do!"

"It sounds like she's practicing for her own wedding," Rachel Stoppable laughed.

Ron drew a pen from his pocket and, holding it at arm's length, gently tapped Hana on both shoulders and the top of her head, "Then, by the power vested in me as groom, I hereby name you Lord of the Rings."

Hana bowed deeply, "I am honored. Will you ask Sheki to be flower girl? She is a girl."

"So is her sister - whose feelings might be hurt if we ask Sheki but not Kasy.

"That is true," Hana replied.

Ron smiled, his little sister often acted wise far beyond her years. "We need someone to carry the rings. We don't need to have a flower girl. Should we do without a flower girl or ask them both? I will let Hana-chan decide this very important question."

Hana bowed again, and Ron returned the bow, "I will not fail you," she promised.

He mussed her dark hair, "I do not think you could fail me if you tried," he assured her.

"Why would I try to fail?" she asked, puzzled.

"And you need to consider cousin Natanya for flower girl," Ron's mom reminded her son and daughter. "She's family."

"Well, most people think I'm the father of Kasy and Sheki," Ron reminded her. "So they think the twins are family."

Rachel sighed, "Yes, and that causes all sorts of gossip. Can you and Kim come up with some official story so we can end the rumors?"

"We'll try, I promise."

"Okay. Now, I've got the family names for wedding invitations for you."

Ron moved to the dining room table where his mother had three pages of printouts of names and addresses. "Mom, Bonnie and I really wanted to keep this small and simple."

"This is short," she insisted. "But you have to invite your uncles and aunts, and their kids, you--"

"Cousin Sean isn't on this printout, is he?"

"Of course he is. He's the son of your father's oldest sister. How could you even think of not inviting your cousin?"

"Oh, I don't know. How about the fact HE'S A MONSTER!"

"Ronald, please do not use that tone of voice."

"Mom, this is supposed to be one of the ten happiest days of my life. If cousin Sean is there I'll be worrying about where he hid the explosives."

"Do you remember what happened at your aunt Aviva's wedding? It wasn't Sean who caused the problem."

"I'd been hit by the attitudinator. I wasn't myself."

"Sean is family."

"Sean is evil!"

"You were invited back, even after you wrecked the first ceremony."

"I was evil because I wasn't me. Sean is evil because he is me… er him. I mean, he's evil."

"Please watch you language, Ron. Little pitchers have big ears."

"Ah, Mom, did you have to make the joke about my ears?"

"I'm talking about a little person hearing her older brother say things that poison her mind toward her cousin."

"She needs to be warned!"

"He's family."

"I won't invite cousin Sean."

--

Leaving the house Ron wondered how to avoid the promise to his mother to invite cousin Sean. If the gink were a little older, and on his own, Ron could 'lose' the invitation on the way to the post office. But Ron had to invite aunt Tzippy, and that meant… cousin Sean. _ "Should have told Mom they'd all be cheering if someone had the guts to tell that rotten kid to stay home."_

Ron found a note from Kim on the kitchen table when he got home. She and Shego had taken the kids over to her parents for dinner. The note warned him she had convinced Bonnie to go talk with her sisters.

Ron had been home almost an hour when he heard the door slam loudly. "Where is Kim!" Bonnie shouted.

Ron came out from the living room, where he had been watching television. "They're all over with Kim's parents."

"The twins aren't here?"

"The twins aren't here."

"Ron, will you still love me if I swear at you?"

"Say what?"

"Ron, I'm mad. I'm so mad I'm going to lose my mind if I don't let it out."

"At me?"

"Not at you, it's my fucking sisters."

"Swear at me all you need."

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! HOW DARE YOU! I COULD KILL YOU!"

"Feel any better?"

"A little, thanks. I really want to hit somebody. Do you still have your padded protective suit from when you helped Shego teach that women's self-defense class at the high school?"

"Kim and I went up against some really tough gangs without padded suits," Ron pointed out. "You really think I need to wear it?"

"I don't want to take a chance on hurting you."

"It's in my closet. I'll wear it if you really think it will make you feel better to hit somebody."

"Please."

They went up the back stairs to Ron's room. She sat on his desk chair while he put the bulky garment on. "Did Kim and Shego ever tell you what they were doing that got them into trouble with Barkin?"

"No, but it doesn't take much to get on his list."

"Yeah, but for Shego to agree to teach that class… He had to have something on her - or them."

In its normal condition, as it was that evening, the loft had three or four computers along one side with mats covering the middle of the floor. Kim, Shego, and Ron all sparred regularly, and even the twins were starting to train in martial arts. Shego wanted to teach them mastery of a 'pure' style while Kim wanted to introduce them to the eclectic style she preferred for herself. Sometimes the sparring continued, on a verbal level, long after the workouts in the loft.

"Bonnie," Ron requested as he stood nervously in the middle of the mat and waited for her assault. "You love me right?"

"I love you Ron. And that's why I'm going to try and beat the crap out of you."

"Uh, does that make sense to you?"

"Sorry. I mean, because you love me you'll let me work this through."

"There are better ways of relieving frustration," he suggested.

"Later, right now… You're sure you can protect yourself?"

"Sure, you hit like a girl."

Maybe Bonnie had been keeping the frustration bottled up inside and it suddenly broke out. Maybe Ron had chosen a particularly unfortunate phrase to say he was ready. All he knew was that he was not as ready as he had thought for the flurry of blows and kicks coming at him. Her initial attack drove Ron back and he struggled to make his way back to the center of the mat under assault.

Ron would not go on the offensive. He was simply letting Bonnie blow off some steam. But he felt distinctly grateful for the fact he had the body armor on. In retrospect Ron and Bonnie realized it had been a bad idea. Bonnie needed to hurt, crush, break, or destroy something to work off her feelings of anger. She didn't want to hurt Ron, and that might have made her hold back at first. Ron had the skills to keep from being injured, and padded body armor. Somehow the fact she was trying, and Ron simply deflected or avoided her attacks began to frustrate Bonnie more - on top of her initial frustration. As Bonnie lost control she began trying hard to hit Ron, and soon he was struggling to keep from getting hurt.

Neither heard the downstairs door open as Kim and Shego arrived home with the twins. The twins were supposed to go to bed, but Kasy had to investigate the sounds from overhead. Ron and Bonnie were too intent on their goals of attack and defense to notice the little redhead at the top of the steps looking at them. The little girl ran downstairs to alert Kim and Shego that, "Daddy and Bonnie aren't playing nice upstairs."

"You weren't looking in Bonnie's bedroom, were you?"

"No. Upstairs. In the loft."

Shego chuckled, "Couldn't make it down to the bedroom."

"Shego, please," Kim hissed. Curious about what was happening, and whether Bonnie and Ron could possibly be doing what Shego seemed to imagine Kim told the green woman to watch Kasy and headed upstairs.

Neither Ron nor Bonnie initially noticed Kim, who watched them curiously. Then Bonnie caught a glimpse of Kim, "This is your fault," she screamed.

The fact Bonnie was screaming at someone behind him got Ron curious, and when he turned to see who was there a kick caught him squarely in the stomach. Even through the padded suit the blow knocked him flat. Bonnie was on him immediately. "I'm sorry! Did I hurt you? Are you all right?"

Ron was too busy trying to catch his breath to answer immediately. And Bonnie burst into tears. Sitting up after a kick to the stomach, especially with a crying fiancée on top you, isn't easy - but Ron managed. He held the trembling brunette in his arms.

Kim approached the pair cautiously. "Are you all right?"

"Bonnie doesn't seem very happy," Ron reported. If Kim was going to ask obvious questions he was going to give the obvious answer.

"Can I--"

"Why don't you go downstairs," Ron suggested. "I'm not sure who she's angry with, but you may be in the top five right now."

"I'm sorry," Kim said softly before slipping away.

The bulky padded suit Ron wore made it a little difficult, but he picked up Bonnie and carried the crying woman down to her bedroom.

--

**Author's Note**: What Barkin had on Shego to blackmail her into teaching the girl's self-defense class at the high school, was in "What Did You Learn in School Today?" if you're interested.


	7. Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 4

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Alan Bowman, mentioned in passing, drove Ron crazy with jealousy in Good Riddance and Return of the Green-Eyed Monster.

**Wedding 2 – Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 4**

**Lights, Camera, Action**

Bonnie slept late. Ron didn't care. She had been so upset last night he simply enjoyed watching her slumber peacefully.

The look of peace left her face when she woke up and Bonnie took on an unhappy expression.

"Can I assume yesterday had something to do with seeing your family?" Ron asked.

Bonnie nodded.

Ron gave her a reassuring hug. "I love you so much. I can't understand why they hate you."

"They don't," Bonnie said glumly.

Ron looked as lost as he felt. "Uh, I had a little trouble following you. Do I have this right - your sisters _don't_ hate you."

"That's what they say. If I can believe them they've found a new way to make my life hell."

"Okay, even by my standards I'm more lost than usual. They don't hate you, but that's bad."

"Damn it, Ron. I could take it if they hated me. I'd be ecstatic if they were jealous of me--"

"I'd be ecstatic if you'd toss me a clue."

Bonnie imitated Lonnie's voice, "How could you think we don't love you?" She switch to Connie's voice, "You're so pretty and smart you had to know we were just teasing our little sister."

"Teasing?"

"Teasing. And Mom said she knew it." Bonnie attempted her mother's breathy enthusiasm, "Oh, Bon-Bon, I knew they were just teasing. It's what sisters do to each other."

"And this is worse than them hating you because…"

Anger contorted Bonnie's face and she swung at Ron's chest without thinking. He caught her fist before she hit him and she struggled to regain a little control. "Damn it, Ron. They screwed up my life. They told me I was stupid and ugly and I believed them. I've got all kinds of problems with not liking who I am - and now they tell me it's my fault. I was too stupid to tell they didn't mean it. I don't have enough of a sense of humor to know they were joking. They're still shoveling their crap on me while they're telling me they never shoveled crap on me."

She looked like she was going to cry again. Ron took her in his arms. "You're beautiful," he told her and kissed her. "You're wonderful," he assured her, and kissed her again. "You're talented," he kept punctuating the affirmations with kisses.

After a minute she told him to stop, "You're making me feel worse."

"Now I'm making you feel worse? How?"

"Ron, I treated you like dirt all through high school."

"We got over that, remember."

"I'm remembering too much. All the nasty things I ever said about you… Ron, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I feel awful."

"You feel awful 'cause I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you? I don't know if you're confused or I'm insulted."

Bonnie laughed, and held him tight. "I love you. I'm just always a mess after seeing my sisters and mom."

"So, are we even inviting them to the wedding?"

"I kept my promise to Kim," Bonnie sighed. "I asked them to be bridesmaids…"

"And?"

"And Connie is in residency. She hopes to be here for the wedding, but said her schedule is so hectic she had to say no to bridesmaid. Lonnie was delighted," Bonnie said sadly.

"Going to ask Tara or Shego to be a third bridesmaid?"

"Nah, I think I'll stick with Kim and Lonnie… Or do I need to ask Tara? What's going on with you and groomsmen?"

"Well, you know I have Felix for best man--"

"Still not sure I've forgiven you for asking Kim."

"Hey, after I let you beat on me last night you've got to drop that one."

"Fair enough."

"And before I knew what was happening for sure I asked Wade too, and he agreed."

"So you didn't ask a third?"

"I was going to ask Alan if I needed a third."

"Really?"

"Really."

"You are so amazing. I'm glad you dumped Kim."

Ron rolled his eyes and they both chuckled. Then Bonnie cuddled closer to Ron and he put an arm around her. "Mom's dad never knew when to stop teasing," Ron commented.

"I haven't met him, have I?"

"No, they retired to Florida." Ron thought for a minute. "He's my grandfather, and I love him… But there were times he'd tease me until I cried when I was a little kid. It wasn't all the time… And I knew he loved me, but it hurt. And even when Mom asked him to stop he couldn't."

"Wouldn't," Bonnie corrected. "What did your Mom do?"

"I'm not sure. I've never really asked her about it… About growing up with it, I mean. I'm guessing it wasn't as bad as what you put up with. But she decided we wouldn't have teasing at our house when I was growing up. There were rules about teasing, I remember those. She didn't like it. There was a little. But if I said stop, it stopped - immediately. And if I asked if something was real or not; they always told me the truth."

"You've got a great Mom."

"Thanks, I like her too."

"Do we have to invite her parents to the wedding?"

"Yes. Bubbie Stoppable too, and Mom says even evil cousin Sean.

"Bubbie Stoppable?"

"Bubbie means Grandma. Not sure if she'll come. She blames my Mom for leading Dad astray, but Dad didn't like all the rules he had to observe growing up. At least Mom's Jewish. Since you're not, hard to say if she'll come… But Dad was her only son, and I'm the only grandson with the Stoppable name."

Bonnie groaned, "God, we get to pay 'My family is more dysfunctional than yours'. Am I going to like anyone besides your Mom, Dad, and Hana in your family?"

"Aunt Aviva is pretty cool. She was the baby in Dad's family… Yeah, Mom and Dad are pretty much the closest thing to normal."

"Can I meet your Grandma?"

"Bubbie? I guess so. Don't threaten her or anything, please."

"Please, it's only my sisters I want to strangle… And my Mom… No, just want to push Mom down a short flight of stairs."

"You have hostility issues, you know that?"

"I've suspected it. But seriously, I'd like to meet her."

--

During a week Bonnie had off from filming her soap opera she went over to meet Grandma Stoppable with Ron and his Dad. Rachel Stoppable stayed home, she didn't need the aggravation.

"Bubbie, this is my fiancée, Bonnie Rockwaller, Bonnie this is--"

"So, what shul does your family belong to?" Grandma Stoppable interrupted.

"Mom," Ron's dad whispered, "I told you, she isn't Jewish."

"I'm an old lady. I forget things." She eyed Bonnie critically and sighed, it was easy to tell why her grandson had fallen for the shiksa.

"Please, I may not be Jewish, but when Ron and I have children I want them to be brought up to the Torah, chuppah, and ma'asim tovim."

"What did you say?" the old woman asked sharply.

Bonnie worried that she had mispronounced something, "I said I hoped when Ron and I have children they will be brought up to Torah, chuppah--"

Grandma Stoppable burst into tears and threw her arms around Bonnie, hugging her tightly.

"Are you okay, Mom?" her son asked.

"I'm fine. Go, take a walk. Take Ron with you. I want to talk to this young lady."

Ron looked a little concerned, "Go on," Bonnie urged, "I'll be fine."

"Come back in half an hour," his grandmother suggested.

--

"Okay, where did Bonnie get that?" Ron asked his Dad as they closed the door to the apartment.

"She asked if there was anything she could say to make your Grandmother happy. Bonnie's a good girl. I'm glad you're finally doing the right thing."

When the men got back Bonnie and the old woman were sitting together on the couch, drinking tea and laughing. They stayed only a little while longer before saying they had to leave. Grandma Stoppable hugged Bonnie again, kissed her on the cheek, and told her to come back anytime.

"You survived a half hour, one-on-one, with Bubbie?" Ron asked in awe. "That's amazing. She didn't grill you about every aspect of your life and your ancestors for the past three generations?"

"Piece of cake," Bonnie told him smugly. "You asked ninety-nine percent of the people who've ever been married how they met their spouse, and they are more than happy to tell you. Makes them feel good. You and I will be the exception to that."

"It couldn't have been that bad," Ron's father protested.

Ron and Bonnie looked at each other, and burst of laughing. "Sorry, Dad," Ron finally managed to say, "it was that bad."

"When did you two meet?"

"Middle school. Not exactly love at first sight," Ron told his Dad. "More like strong dislike at first sight."

"I admired Ron's independence, even then," Bonnie insisted.

"And I thought Bonnie was hot, even then," Ron admitted

"Lustful thoughts about me?" Bonnie demanded.

Ron grinned and nodded. The two began arguing about who had been interested in the other one first and Ron's dad smiled.

--

Bonnie had made it clear to Ron that she did not want to observe the custom of the future bride and groom not seeing each other in the week before the wedding. She planned to be back in Middleton for the week before the wedding and it would be Ron's job to provide stress relief.

The studio, however, had other plans. Bonnie would need to remain in California taping episodes until Friday. She would fly back Saturday, the day before the wedding. Bonnie reluctantly agreed to observe the old custom of the bride not seeing the groom on the wedding day, and would stay at her family's home when she got home Saturday.

With Bonnie in California it fell to her mother… Or perhaps more accurately her mother took it on herself to stay on top of the arrangements in Middleton. Mrs. Rockwaller plunged into the task with a happy enthusiasm her obsessive-compulsive daughter lacked. She also plunged ahead with none of the attention to detail that Bonnie would have brought to the table. Ron, as usual, stepped up to the plate when he had to and kept things running smoothly. When he called the frantic Bonnie each night to assure her everything in Middleton was running smoothly he purposefully left out any details that might have worried Bonnie. The brunette suspected Ron did most of the work he let Bonnie's mother take the credit for, but she smiled at his reports and didn't ask for details she didn't really want to know.

Mealtime at Casa Possible became a solemn affair the week before the wedding. Shego and the twins were in the kitchen with Ron every night, frantically picking up all the cooking tips they could in the time they had left.

"So, you'll be moving to California and becoming a kept man?" Kim asked as she cut off a bite of chicken schnitzel. "Bonnie will keep you chained to the stove in the kitchen, I imagine."

"Chained to the stove, nothing," Ron retorted. "My job starts next month."

"Job?" Shego demanded. "As in work? From you?"

Ron smiled, "I've had my job lined up since sophomore year of college."

Kim couldn't believe her ears, "You're joking? Right?"

"Got a job offer back then, accepted. Was told classes that would be valuable to take."

Shego reviewed his three bachelor's degrees, "The cooking classes? The bachelor's in business? The organic chem? It was all part of a plan?"

Ron nodded.

"And you've kept it a secret from everybody?" Kim asked in disbelief.

"Not everybody," Ron assured them, "I told Mom and Dad when the job offer was made, Bonnie's known since we became engaged."

Shego shook her head, "I have wronged you greatly. I didn't imagine you could keep a secret… Heck, I didn't imagine you could remember a secret."

"And I want to know what it is," Kim demanded. "When you started in the cooking program I wondered if you were going to be a chef or something."

"No way, hours at a restaurant are impossible. If you've got a breakfast shift you're up at four in the morning to start fixing food. If you've got the supper shift you don't get home until four in the morning after everything is cleaned up and put away."

"You still haven't told us what you're going to do," Kim pointed out.

"Come on, isn't it obvious? Think about it. Me, and what I do? Cooking classes, business classes, organic chem? Can't you tell?"

"What is it? What is it?" Sheki interrupted, demanding to know.

"Guess."

Kim looked at Shego, "I'm clueless."

"Write that down on the calendar," Shego instructed Ron.

"Ah, does everyone give up?"

"I do." "No clue." "Tell us." "I give," the four women said.

"Was that the third or fourth time we helped out Pop-pop Porter when we were in college?" Ron began.

"I'm not sure," Kim admitted.

"Well, anyway, I was talking with him afterward. He was real impressed with the fact I came up with the Naco. He offered me a job in the kitchen labs. It's a steady eight hour day spent making snacks, eating them, and then figuring out how they can be mass produced. I get to go home to wife and family at the end of the day and never need to worry about working weekends or holidays."

"You get paid for making snacks?" Sheki asked in wonder.

"Yep."

"That's got to be the most awesomest job in the world," Kasy added.

--

Aunt Tzippy and her family arrived in town a few days before the wedding. Hana moved to one of the small guest rooms at the top of Casa Possible. Ron's father was Aunt Zipporah's brother, and it allowed her to stay at the home of her brother.

"I googled a map of where cousin Ron lives," Sean told his mother the next day. "I think I'll walk over and see him. Aunt Rachel said he doesn't have any classes this afternoon and should be home." Now about fifteen, Sean was average height for his age and slim. He had dyed his red hair black, except for a swath in front which he'd turned purple.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, for some reason he's never liked you."

Sean sighed, "I know, and I can't understand why. But I've always looked up to him and want to try and make peace. I'm going to take Quincy with me. Ron loves animals."

"You are such an angel," his mom told him, and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

Sean tried the door to Possible Manor, and found it locked. He regretted missed opportunity and rang the bell.

"Sean," Ron acknowledged in a cold voice when he opened the door. Sean had his large iguana, Quincy, draped over his shoulders.

"Ronnie," Sean replied cheerfully, pushing his way into the house and looking around the entryway. "Still looking for some way to thank you for screwing with my head that time."

"I take it the effects wore off."

"Oh, ages ago," Sean assured him, peering into different rooms, "I've been waiting years for this. Wedding will really be in this dump?"

"The wedding is here, yes," Ron answered through gritted teeth.

"So, I heard the rat died," Sean said, "You should have let me feed him to Quincy." Sean gently scratched the head of the large iguana.

"Rufus did a lot more for this world than some people I could mention ever will."

"No idea what you mean. Hey, what's that?" Sean pointed to a creature curled up asleep in a patch of sunlight under a window.

"Smaug," Ron answered.

"I bet he'd like to play with Quincy," Sean said, putting the much larger lizard down on the floor.

The iguana had a bad habit of assuming anything even slightly smaller than itself represented some sort of food and trotted in the direction of the twin's pet. Ron moved to intercept Quincy, but Smaug needed no assistance. The mini dragon's wings snapped open audibly, and their span suddenly made the little fellow look four times his real size. Fangs dripping with poison, he opened his mouth and let out a loud hiss. Ron had heard the hiss only twice before, both times it had been ignored and a houseguest had required antidote. Quincy showed more sense - skidding to a halt and hurriedly retreating to the safety of Sean's shoulders and head.

Ron noted sadly that the scratches from Quincy's climb up Sean all appeared superficial and would not cause the level of pain his cousin deserved.

Sean didn't mind the scrapes, when the story was retold Ron would be their source rather than Quincy.

"Looked up Bonnie's picture on the web. She's hot. Definitely stroke-worthy. Found a bunch of fakes of her too. Or maybe they aren't fakes… She do any porn? You've got to be getting used goods."

--

"And then he threw me out the window," Sean tearfully told his mother as she cleaned the scrapes and scratches. "I was telling him how lucky he was and how happy I hoped they would be and he threw me in the bushes!"

"You need to do something with your son," Aunt Tzippy whispered harshly to Rachel.

Rachel sighed. Ron's dislike of his younger cousin appeared so strong it was irrational, but she had trouble believing Ron would have thrown the teen out a window without some sort of provocation.


	8. Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 5

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

See Cheerleader Reunion for misunderstandings about Bonnie, Ron, and Kim a couple years earlier. The ex-Middleton cheerleaders were not on the original list for invitations. But, as Shego warned, guest lists only grow and they had been added.

**Wedding 2 – Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 5**

**Tying the Knot**

"Sorry you aren't getting a bachelor party?" Kim asked Ron as she and Shego prepared to leave and pick up Bonnie on the Saturday night before the wedding.

"Nah. It'd be lame. I'll just take the girls out for pizza and to a movie."

"No pepperoni," Shego warned.

Kim kissed Ron on the cheek. "I think you'll always be daddy to those two. I'll bet they have you walk them down the aisle someday."

"Not any time soon," Shego added. "They won't be allowed to date until they're twenty-five."

Bonnie was waiting on the porch of the Rockwaller home and hurried to the street as soon as she saw the car approach. "What kept you," she demanded as she got in."

Kim checked her watch, "We're five minutes earlier than we said we'd be."

"Five lousy minutes early? That's the best you could do?"

Kim sighed.

"Bonnie, I'm not trying to rush you," Shego commented, "But when will you and Ron officially move out of the house?"

"Move out?"

"As in, you and Ron are moving to California, right?"

"I'm not moving out. I want a home in Middleton. Ron and I will find a house on the coast. But this is my home. If you want us out, you'll have to throw us out. And… brace yourself for some bad news, Kim."

"What?"

"God help me, you feel like family."

The red head laughed, and then grew thoughtful. "Hey, you hate your family."

Bonnie considered an evil grin and saying, 'Think about it'. Instead she chuckled, "Okay, to me you're what family should be."

"Will you and Ron still need two rooms," Shego asked, "or can we consolidate you?"

"Shego," Kim whispered loudly, "you sound like you want to get rid of them."

"Just thinking if we move Ron's stuff to Bonnie's room we can offer the twins their own bedrooms and still have a guest room."

"And what are we going to do with the nursery? We'll never need it again."

"Oh, Ron and I will probably have kids," Bonnie interrupted.

"The nursery is off the master bedroom," Kim reminded her.

"All the times I changed diapers for Kasy and Sheki? You two owe me. Ron and I will come back for visits and you two can watch our kids and let us sleep."

They had reached Leonardo's as they talked and parked in the lot. The special events room they'd rented for the night was crowded and a cheer went up as they entered.

Most of the former Middleton cheerleaders were there for the wedding, as well as various other friends from high school and college. To Bonnie's relief both Connie and Lonnie had turned down the invitation from Kim to attend. Kim asked for everyone's attention for a moment and made it clear that Ron was not the father of Kasy and Sheki. They had been conceived artificially when Kim was at a difficult time in her life. Ron had supported her emotionally, and her daughters loved him like a father. But he wasn't their biological dad - and Kim predicted Ron's marriage to Bonnie would be wonderful.

Monique, Justine, and Zita - who had lived in the big house all or part of the time while Bonnie was in college - were among the guests. Justine looked uncomfortable but tried to fit in. Zita wondered why she had come, she had not liked any of the cheerleaders except Kim in high school. But it was good to be out with the Possible Manor women. One of the cheerleaders, Linda, had asked if she could bring a date to the wedding. Ron told her yes, without asking for a name - and not expecting Linda to bring her date to Bonnie's party. A couple of the women nearly had fits when the black woman strolled in, with Crystal's former dorm mate, Beverly, on her arm.

It was three in the morning when Kim and Shego dropped Bonnie off at her house.

Sunday dawned and Bonnie woke up alone, and unhappy about that fact, in her old room in her parents' home.

* * *

Friends, Rockwaller kin, and Stoppable relatives were in abundance. Ron wondered how he and Bonnie could have imagined a small wedding.

Figuring out the family seating had proven slightly difficult. Rachel Stoppable wanted to keep her parents as far from Bubbie Stoppable as possible. They solved the problem by seating two of Ron's aunts and their families in between.

The chuppah was suspended from the ceiling rather than being held on poles as had been done at Kim and Shego's wedding.

When it came time for the ceremony Wade entered first, with Felix rolling along behind him. Hana marched in, slowly and solemnly, with both rings tied to a cushion. Ron came in between his mother and father. His mother kissed him, and his dad patted him on the shoulder, then the two moved over and sat down with the guests.

Unfortunately Rachel Stoppable forgot her own seating chart, and sat down by her mother-in-law. Having made the mistake she was too embarrassed to make a scene by trading places with her husband.

"What? You couldn't get a real rabbi?" Bubbie complained.

"Shhh," Rached shushed, "she is a real rabbi."

"Rabbis are men," her mother-in-law responded loudly enough for the rabbi to hear.

Lonnie entered, looking beautiful. Bonnie had resisted the temptation to pick out the most unflattering bridesmaid dresses she could find. Kim reached the front and moved to one side, then faced the back stairs and nodded. She smiled as Kasy and Sheki came forward. There were a number of whispers as the twins moved forward, and Kim crossed her fingers and hoped Kasy remembered she must _not_ call Ron daddy anymore - or at least remembered for the rest of the day.

The quintet changed the music and everyone rose and stared as Bonnie entered between her mother and father.

Kim sighed, wondering how Bonnie could ever have believed her sisters' teasing about her looks and intelligence.

"Such a beautiful girl," Bubbie Stoppable told her daughter-in-law, as if Rachel Stoppable was unaware of the fact, "and so nice."

"She really is," Rachel answered.

Not every eye in the loft was focused on Bonnie. While Bonnie held everyone's attention a slim teenager seized the opportunity to slip down the stairs. And one person, who took in everything that happened in the loft, noticed the departure.

"Will you please guard the rings?" Hana whispered hurriedly to Felix, putting the pillow with the rings on his lap.

"What's wrong?"

"I must go."

"You should have thought of that--" he started to say, then noticed she was gone. He wondered how she could move so quietly.

Zita felt a sharp pain in her stomach as Bonnie's parents led her to the chuppah, and recognized it as jealousy. She didn't think she had ever been as happy in her life as Bonnie looked at this moment. That might have been her. She tried to shake it off. She and Ron had dated occasionally in high school, but not seriously. When she moved in to Kim's house she was married to an abusive spouse, and not interested in seeing anyone until the divorce came through. Ron had always been there for her when she needed him. She had known at the time Bonnie felt jealousy towards her, and had taken every opportunity to make the brunette feel like something was going on between her and Ron. But after her bad marriage she had been more devoted to making Lipsky and Load profitable than developing a social life. Now, seeing the look of happiness glowing on Bonnie's face, she wondered if she had set her priorities right.

Bonnie and her parents reached the wedding party. Her parents left Bonnie with Ron and moved to their seats, Mrs. Rockwaller digging out tissues because she had already started to cry. Ron and Bonnie faced each other, staring into the other's eyes and fighting hard to remember they were supposed to wait until after the ceremony to kiss. A small cough from the Rabbi brought them back to attention.

Ron and Bonnie turned to the rabbi, and in a clear voice she began to read the wedding contract to the assembled guests.

Sean donned a pair of plastic gloves before taking out the bottle. Possession of the bottle might prove problematic later - but he hoped to find a chance to slip it into Ron's pocket. Ron would leave his own fingerprints on it when he found it. Sean's original plan had called for the release of a large number of the crickets he used to feed his iguana in the food for the reception. The crickets, however, might have pointed to him. He could claim his own innocence - maintain he had been framed, but there was too much risk - crickets were hard to carry. Besides, the magnesium citrate in the punch would be vastly more amusing in the long term.

"What is in the bottle?" a small voice asked.

Certain he was alone Sean almost jumped, then turned and saw Hana standing close to him. He wondered how she could approach so quietly. "Nothing," he snapped.

"Nothing in the bottle? Then why are you here?"

Sean thought fast. He was older and blood kin to half the people there. He could claim that Ron had poisoned the girl's mind against him. People would believe him. He already had his mom and two other relatives convinced Ron was a paranoid lunatic who enjoyed inventing evil stories about his younger cousin. They'd write off Hana also. "I want some extra flavor in the punch. Do you like lemonade?"

"Yes…" Hana agreed cautiously.

"This is some extra lemon flavor. I just add this powdered mix to the punch and stir it up."

"Please, I want to see you eat some of it."

"The powder is a concentrate. That means it's very strong. You are only supposed to drink it mixed with liquid. Let me put it in the punch and you can try it."

"Please, let's go to the kitchen and you can put some in water and drink it."

Sean started to get a little worried. There was a chance he would be missed if he stayed away too long, or is mom might ask him about something in the ceremony. "Go away, kid. Weren't you supposed to carry rings or something?"

"I guard my family."

"I'm family too. I'm your cousin. Now get lost."

"Ron does not trust you. So I do not trust you."

_"This is perfect. They'll think Ron poisoned her against me."_ "Get lost, kid," Sean repeated and tried to push her away.

In the loft rabbi Ruth offered a meditation on the Ger Toshav, the resident alien among the people of Israel, which left the Rockwallers scratching their heads in curiosity and left Ron's grandmother smiling - for a moment the idea that a woman really could be a rabbi floated through her mind before she dismissed it.

After the meditation Ron and Bonnie repeated their vows and the rabbi asked for the rings. Felix looked down, and panicked when he saw the rings were missing. But Hana stepped forward with the rings on their pillow. Ron whispered, "Thanks," to his sister and Bonnie smiled at her. Felix tried to remember when Hana could possibly have returned, and how she managed to take the pillow off his lap without him realizing it.

"The ring for Bonnie," the rabbi whispered to Hana. "Repeat after me," she told Ron, " Behold you are sanctified to me with this ring, according to the Law of Moses and Israel."

He repeated the words as he slipped the gold band on Bonnie's finger.

The rabbi grinned at the serious faced little girl in the tuxedo, "The ring for your brother?"

Hana bowed deeply and presented the ring.

The rabbi gave the ring to Bonnie to put on Ron's finger, "Please repeat after me, I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine."

Both mothers, and Ron's dad, were crying too hard to watch as Bonnie recited, "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine."

The rabbi recited the Sheva Brachos, the seven blessings and Bubbie smiled. There had been so much English in the ceremony she was starting to doubt whether this could even be called a wedding at all.

At the end of the seven blessings Ron and Bonnie drank again from the glass of wine the rabbi had blessed earlier in the ceremony. After Ron finished the wine he handed the glass to the rabbi, who wrapped it in a towel and gave it back to Ron. He put the glass on the floor and brought his foot down on. The glass shattered loudly and Stoppable relatives shouted, "Mazel tov!" at the couple.

The wedding party, lead by Ron and Bonnie recessed out. There was a moment of confusion caused by the absence of one of the ushers, but the guests were dismissed in a semi-orderly fashion to the reception line and party downstairs.


	9. Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 6

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Wedding 2 – Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 6**

**Reception**

Aunt Tzippy took her mother home after the ceremony. Bubbie Stoppable objected to mixed dancing. The photographers for the Middleton Examiner and Soap Opera Digest finished their news and publicity shots early, but the professional wedding photographer, who had received some special instructions, continued to snap away throughout the reception. Ron and Bonnie wanted a selection of candid shots as well as formal.

Kasy ran over to Kim as the reception line formed, "Mommy, can we show Smaug to the other kids?"

Getting the kids out from underfoot seemed like a good idea. "Okay, but leave Smaug in his terrarium," she instructed the redhead. Then, realizing the probability of that equaled giving Kasy instructions to 'grow gills and learn to breathe underwater,' she told her daughter, "Only if you have Grandpa James with you. And make sure he has the antidote."

Shego and Kim had so many little tasks to perform making sure that everything was ready that they ended up towards the end of the line of guests. Most guests were already in the dining room or other areas with plates of food and waiting for the couple to come in and cut the cake as Kim and Shego stood in line to greet the newly married pair.

The Rockwallers stood first in the reception line. Kim wasn't certain if she'd seen Bonnie's dad before - except perhaps in the distance at graduation. Early in high school Kim had wondered why Bonnie hadn't thrown more parties - even if only to not invite her. Later in high school Kim had learned Bonnie didn't get along with her family.

Kim finished shaking hands with Bonnie's parents and prepared to move down the line to Ron's parents.

As she shook hands with Bonnie's dad Shego whispered to Kim, "Are we really going through with this?"

"We said we would," Kim insisted. "You're not turning chicken, are you?"

"No, just had a rational moment."

"Well, don't let it happen again."

Shego signaled the photographer during the small delay in the line caused when Ron's parents had a great deal to say to Kim.

When Kim and Shego reached the happy couple at the end of the reception line Kim gave Ron a kiss on the cheek, and murmured, "Congratulations," as Shego nodded to the photographer - the signal to prepare for taking pictures.

Kim stepped over, in front of Bonnie, and Shego took her place in front of Ron. Kim grabbed Bonnie and gave her a passionate kiss as Shego took hold of Ron for a kiss of her own. The camera snapped madly away. There was a moment of stunned silence from everyone else there - everyone but Kim, Shego and the photographer being too surprised to say a word.

Once the shock wore off Bonnie began to struggle and pushed Kim away. The redhead stepped back, letting the cameraman get two clear shots of Bonnie, whose face was a mask of utter amazement. Bonnie's mouth hung open and she looked like she wanted to say something, but had no words.

Before Bonnie could think of words Kim began to laugh. For an instant Bonnie looked even more surprised, then angry, and then she also began to laugh.

"Sorry, Bonnie…" Kim managed to gasp through the laughter, "Always heard… It was okay… to kiss… the bride."

"God, Possible," Bonnie answered, "that was… HEY!"

Bonnie's laughter stopped as she glanced over and saw Ron and Shego's kiss hadn't ended, and Ron didn't appear to be resisting the way Bonnie thought he should. "Grab Shego," Bonnie barked at Kim as she took a hold of Ron and pulled.

Kim and Bonnie managed to separate the pair, "Honestly," Kim complained, "don't you two know how to behave in public?"

"Like you have room to talk," Bonnie shot back at the redhead.

At the earliest opportunity Kim had a private conversation with Shego. "Okay, what was going on with you and Ron?"

"The fact we were doing you a favor?"

"You were doing me a favor?"

"You said you wanted to give Bonnie a big kiss after the wedding. I said it would be funny if I kissed Ron… You remember that part, right?"

"Of course."

"Well, Ron and I were afraid Bonnie might really get pissed off with you, so we figured a little distraction was the best thing to keep her mind off you."

"Wait, you and Ron decided?"

Shego nodded.

"You told Ron!"

"Obviously. I mean, even though he's married to Bonnie he still has your back. We didn't want to risk a cat fight or anything between you and Bonnie on her wedding day."

"So, while you and I were setting up Ron and Bonnie, you and Ron were setting up Bonnie and me?"

"Yep."

"I can't trust you at all, can I?"

Shego opened her eyes in mock surprise. "Ron and I work our lips to the bone, trying to keep you and Bonnie from getting into a fight, and this is the thanks we get? Kim, you're an ingrate."

"You two looked like you were having way too much fun," Kim muttered.

"Any pleasure was purely accidental," Shego assured her. "While Ron and I were making out, we were only thinking of you."

"You are so full of it," Kim muttered. Any reply from Shego was cut short by the musicians beginning to play for the first dance.

The first two or three dances were for couples. Ron and Bonnie started together in the first dance. In the second dance Ron danced with Bonnie's mother, while his father went out on the floor with Bonnie.

After the first few couple dances there were several horas, circle dances.

The children seemed to take to all the dances with equal enthusiasm. Kasy did her best to stay with Jason, and Sheki went out a couple times with Hana. Ron's aunt Aviva had a son who Jessica took out onto the dance floor. The Rockwaller side needed a little coaxing to get out on the floor for the horas, but after the first few tried it and survived it became easier. The musicians continued to switch between the styles of music.

Everyone commented how beautifully Bonnie and Alan danced together, but Ron felt no jealousy. Bonnie, however, still felt a little when Ron asked Alan's fiancée, Mary, to dance.

Soon after the formal pictures had been taken, Bonnie had slipped upstairs and taken off the wedding dress for something easier to dance in. Ron remained in his tux for the time being, but in the early afternoon he whispered, "I'm changing now," in Bonnie's ear and slipped upstairs to his room. Bonnie noted the time and ten minutes later went into the kitchen, stepped into the large pantry and took off her skirt and shoes and put on the jeans and boots she had stashed there earlier. She waited only a few seconds before a soft knock came on the door and she opened it to find Ron waiting.

The two headed for the garage, where they put on their leathers and Ron handed Bonnie a backpack on which masking tape had been placed to spell "Just Married."

"You sure all the clothing we need for two days is in here?" she asked.

He raised an eyebrow, "More than enough. I'm not planning to leave the bedroom, are you?"

"No," she giggled. "Going to tell me where we're going?"

"Not planning to," he answered. "Do you care?"

"No, not if I'm with you."

They hugged and kissed, then Ron handed Bonnie her helmet, "Ready to go, Mrs. Stoppable?"

"Absolutely, Mr. Rockwaller."

She adjusted her helmet as Ron kick started the old Indian into life. Bonnie got on behind him and held on tight as Ron roared out of the driveway and onto the street.

In the house Kim and Shego heard the motorcycle and exchanged smiles. Kim nodded to Shego and the pale woman clapped her hands loudly at the end of the song to get everyone's attention. Kim spoke up, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the bride and groom are no longer on the premises. However, we still have a lot of food and champagne - they wanted the party to go on."

Bonnie laid her head on Ron's back as they headed out of town. _"Kim was a fool to let him go,"_ she thought. She wondered whether she or Ron had changed more over the years. Once upon a time they had disliked each other. Now she couldn't imagine life without him. She had no idea where they were heading for the next two nights. It could be a rustic cabin in the mountains, the honeymoon suite at the Upperton Hilton, or a tent on the beach. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that they were together, and as long as they could be together she would be happy.

Back at Possible Manor the party continued after a toast to the absent bride and groom and a laugh when Tara asked innocently, "I wonder why they left so early?"

Most of the guests had a strong suspicion why the newlyweds had left as soon as they could.

--

Zita drank champagne until she said yes to Jim's fourth invitation to dance. Jim and Tim had put on muscle and were no longer the tall, skinny boys they've been when they began college and working at Lipsky and Load. The sarcastic Jim spent too much time hanging around her office when he should have been in the lab, and the fact he occasionally asked her out was annoying, he was too young for her. She doubted if he was twenty yet.

Still, Zita had to admit, it felt good to be in his arms as they danced together on the slow numbers. He wasn't a good dancer, but he was tall, and very male, and the way his hands held and caressed her said he found her attractive.

After their third dance she asked him to get her another glass of champagne.

"I think you've had enough," he told her.

"You're probably right… I need to go home and lie down."

"You're in no condition to drive."

"Then how am I going to get home?"

"Give me your keys, I'll drive you," Jim offered.

She smiled, "You are such a gentleman. How will I thank you?"

"You'll think of something, I'm sure," he said as he put an arm around her waist and guided her outside to her car.

--

Later in the afternoon, a small, serious looking individual in a tux approached Anne Possible and bowed low, "Dr. Possible?"

Anne smiled and got on her knees, to talk with the girl more easily. "Yes, Hana."

Hana showed her the bottle of magnesium citrate. "Can you tell me what this is?"

Anne's eyes narrowed, "Where did you find this?"

"What is it?"

"It is a powerful laxative. Where did you find this?"

"What is a lax-a..."

"Hana!" Anne said sharply, "Where did you find this?

"There was family, I--"

Anne laughed nervously, "Family? I'm sorry. A doctor probably had your father use it before a test. I was afraid you found it here and someone had put it in food. Your father is fine. It isn't medicine."

"What's a lax thing?"

"Laxative. It makes you poop."

"Doctors give this to people?"

"Yes. There are some tests, like x-rays where they can see inside you. And the doctor wants you to be very clean inside so they can see if you are well. Doctors ask people to use it all the time. It doesn't mean your father is sick."

"This will clean a person inside?"

Anne chuckled, "Yes, Doctors will ask you to take this to make you _very_ clean inside."

Hana looked thoughtful. "It would be bad to take this and not be able to use a bathroom?"

"It would be very unpleasant indeed," Anne assured her.

The little girl's response to Anne's statement puzzled the doctor. Hana smiled and said, "Good."

--The End--


	10. Making Up Is Hard to Do, part 1

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

This interlude is set in December after Team Possible II: City in the Sands, and long before Ron and Bonnie's wedding. This connects with the funeral, and might have been confusing if posted before Ron's wedding. This note, and apology, goes out to any chronology freaks among my readers.

**Interlude – Making Up Is Hard to Do, part 1**

Drakken winced as Zita stuck her head in his office door. She never came to his office with good news. He did a fast mental survey of projects and couldn't think of anything he had neglected. That was bad, very bad indeed. If he couldn't even remember the project she wanted to chew him out over, he must be very far behind on it.

"You need to talk with Wade," the Hispanic woman told him, "he's in a funk."

"He's been in a funk since Joss went away to college. Longer than that really, since they had their breakup last spring."

"Well, it's worse today. Go talk with him."

"Why don't you?"

"You're the father confessor to us all," Zita lied, hoping to inspire him with flattery. "Besides, if it's girl trouble he's more likely to talk with a guy than me. And if one of his projects has hit a snag you're a genius, I'm not."

"True, true…" the blue man muttered.

"If it's a money problem - send him to me."

"Speaking of money, Jim and Tim have been nagging me that they want their own offices--"

"Send them to me. You don't have to deal with that. You're too important." It was no longer clear if that counted as flattering the boss or not. Zita ran most of the day-to-day operations at Lipsky and Load. Keeping the geniuses in line was like trying to herd cats, but keeping their egos fed and happy made the job easier.

"For some reason they seem to think they'll have better success making their request through me."

"Those two aren't turning enough profit for the firm to have their own offices. They've got their shared lab now. If they stay on after they finish college or start making more for the company I'll consider offices for them. Not now."

Drakken made two cups of hot chocolate in the kitchen and went in search of Wade. The blue man had a deep faith that hot cocoa never made a situation worse and could usually be counted on to improve things.

The door to Wade's office stood open. The stocky young black man sat at his desk, staring off vacantly into space. Drakken walked in and put a steaming mug of hot chocolate down in front of him, "What's the good word, Partner?" Drakken asked cheerfully.

Wade said nothing, simply pushed a letter across the desk for Drakken to see.

"MIT wants you as keynote speaker on the first evening of a three day cybernetics conference… That's quite an honor." Wade said nothing and Drakken kept reading. "You're acting like something's wrong… Is it the fact you're a replacement for someone who cancelled, or that Vivian Porter was asked to give the keynote speech the second night when they made the original invitations and didn't ask you?"

"Has it slipped your mind that Joss is at MIT? I can't speak there."

"Why not?"

"Well, to borrow a phrase from someone else, too awk-weird."

"You want to suggest they ask me?" Drakken asked, excited. "I've done important work in cybernetics."

"I, ah, don't think the choice is mine to make. They have some committee that extends the invitations."

"You and Joss managed to work together in Egypt last summer."

"We had too…" Wade's voice trailed off.

"You can do it," Drakken assured him. "Who knows, maybe she wants to see you as much as everyone can tell you want to see her."

Wade sighed, "Okay, I'll accept."

* * *

Very few people had the number for Wade's private cell phone. He pulled it out when it rang and stared at the incoming number, which was not one he recognized. He recognized the area code as Boston and wondered if it might be MIT.

"Hello?"

"Wade! Great to hear you!" the feminine voice answered.

"Um, who is this?"

The woman on the other end laughed, "You did too good a job on my voice."

"Bego? Is that you?"

"It's me! Joss says she saw a poster that you're going to be out here in a month."

"Yes."

"Well, dang it, why haven't you given me a call?"

"I, uh…"

"Wade. You're my friend. I'm not going to let your misunderstanding with Joss--"

"It was a hell of a lot worse than a misunderstanding."

There was a few seconds pause on the line before the blue woman answered, "Look, you're my friend… Last summer, after Egypt, Joss confessed a couple things to me that hadn't really been clear before - the fact she'd told you she was ready to make love, and that the two of you had set it up together. I don't--"

"But I didn't listen to her when she said no."

"You can't change what happened. She doesn't hate you. I think she… I don't know… Look, I didn't call you for Joss, I called you for me. Can we get together when you come out?"

"Sure, I'd like that." Being with Joss's robot sister would hurt, it would remind him of the good times he had with Joss - and the breakup. But Bego was his friend and it would be good to see her. He felt bad that he hadn't called her - but she and Joss were staying together and he was afraid Joss might have answered the phone. "Do you think she might see me again?"

"If you mean go out… I don't know. Maybe no. I don't want you to get your hopes up. But you mean a lot to her. I think she's still trying to sort that all out. If you mean would she like to see you in a neutral setting and talk? I think the answer is a definite yes."

"Is she seeing anybody?"

"I don't think I should be talking about that with you."

"So, the answer's yes."

"Wade. Our memories are growing up on a Montana ranch. She never had a social life until she met you. We're both meeting new people in school. We're going out and doing things. I've had five dates!"

"Really?"

"Heck yes. Of course three of them turned out to be creeps and one just wanted to invite me to his Bible study, but I've been out twice with Jeff and have some girls I do things with."

"Great! And Joss?"

There was a long pause. It was none of Wade's business. It would hurt Wade. But he was a friend and Bego was worried about her sister. "She's been sorta wild. I think she did more running around with guys than studying first semester--"

"That's what tears me up. Going out there and seeing Joss on somebody's arm. I don't think I could take it."

"Don't be an idiot. Joss is never on anybody's arm - she stands on her own feet. And I'm not sure there's anybody she's seeing seriously. And why in the heck did you agree to come talk if you're afraid to see her?"

"Drakken twisted my arm, made me accept the invitation."

"Oh, I see," Bego said solemnly. There was no way Drakken could have made Wade do anything he didn't want to do. "When did he gain that power? You only agreed because you want to come out here. And the most likely reason for that is to see Joss - Unless you want to go out with her blue sister."

Wade laughed, "I promise to take you out while I'm in town, okay?"

They chatted for another twenty minutes before Bego said goodbye, "Got to write a paper for Greek philosophy. I can't decide if those Skeptics were really smart or plum crazy."

"Thanks for the call."

"See ya next month."

Wade's stomach felt queasy as he flew east with Drakken and Vivian Porter for the conference. Drakken nursed what Wade felt certain was a vain hope of going on a real date with Dr. Porter. The fact the two of them could carry on a conversation was the only encouragement the blue man needed to nourish his ambition. He let Drakken have the seat beside her in the first class section of the plane so the two could talk. Wade told them he'd be working on his presentation on his laptop. After staring vacantly at the screen for half an hour he closed his eyes and tried to stay calm. He wasn't sure he could keep his breakfast down.

When the three left the concourse at Logan airport a blue figure shouted, "Vivian! Wade! Doc!" and ran to them. Bego gave them all hugs, talking non-stop about how good it was to see them.

Vivian Porter waited a minute for an opening to say something, then remembered Bego didn't breathe and put a hand over the blue girl's mouth, "You sound wonderful. It's been too long since we talked - what are you doing?"

"I'm hoping to go to MIT with you for the conference. Want to be with three of my most favorite people in the world… Um, one problem though."

"What's that?" Wade asked

"Well, I don't want to be mistaken for an exhibit. I've got the covers to make my eyes look human in my backpack." She looked at Drakken, "Can I be your daughter again if anyone asks?"

Drakken beamed and gave the girl a fatherly kiss on the forehead, "Anna, it is wonderful to see you again. You must tell me about college life."

"Love to, Dad. Oh, and can I get an advance on my allowance?"

The four laughed and she went with them to the baggage claim area. A driver with a sign reading "MIT" stood in the baggage area.

There had been relatively few sessions on the first day, and the speech that evening would probably not be well attended. Vivian Porter's speech on the second day would serve as the keynote address of the conference. Still, Wade reflected, he was glad he hadn't been asked to give the closing address - when many of the conference attendees would already be on their way home and half of those who came would be looking at their watches.

Drakken and Bego crashed the dinner for conference speakers, Drakken as Vivian's guest and Bego as Wade's. Vivian wanted to sit with other scientists at the dinner, but they ate together that night so that Bego could talk with all of them. The black man changed clothes before the evening session. While Drakken annoyed some of the planners by wanting to sit on the stage. The fact he was Wade's partner, designer of the infamous Bebes, and that his firm manufactured parts for the experiments of conference participants brought him a seat - in the last row of distinguished guests. Bego made it to the front row with a more brazen approach. As she headed for the front of the auditorium an organizer coughed politely to remind her she was not invited. She took Wade's arm, kissed him on the cheek, and said, "I'm with him."

Wade wanted Bego beside him as they waited for his introduction. She ran on about English Comp. and American history and other classes he had flown through at age eight. But for her it was all new and exciting. He wanted her to keep his mind off of Joss.

Keeping his mind off Joss would be impossible during his talk. The first five rows, front and center, had been reserved for scientists and faculty, but Joss and seven young men had the front row of the MIT students' side section to the right.

At the end of his talk Wade stumbled back to his seat, unable to recall a word he'd said, as one of the organizers went to the podium to announce minor changes in seminar participants and room changes for the next day's sessions.

"Was I as bad as I think?" he whispered to Bego.

"How bad do you think you were?"

"The villagers should be collecting pitchforks and lighting torches."

"You weren't that bad. 'Course I have no idea what you were talking 'bout most of the time. You could have done better, but you did okay."

"Thanks."

There was a general milling around at the end of the session. A number of scientists offered Wade the polite and expected compliments. A few asked questions that showed they really had paid attention. Vivian was talking with colleagues and Drakken had disappeared when a wedge of students muscled their way towards Wade with an obviously reluctant Joss having been pushed into the point position.

"Uh, hi, Wade," the young woman blushed.

He nodded, "Joss."

"You, uh, busy?"

Wade turned to Bego, "Anna, do we have plans?"

"Anna?" one of the young men whispered to Joss, "she looks like your sister - 'cept for the eyes."

Bego spoke up, "I was the model." She wondered how long she could pass, but wanted to find out. She turned back to Wade, "You promised me a date, but we could go out tomorrow night. I'll go--"

"You stay," Joss told her. "This isn't important. I don't want to bust up your time."

A couple of the young men with her poked her and hissed, "No!" "It's important," another reminded her."

Joss looked down, unwilling to look in Wade's eyes. "There's, um, a noodle place real close," she suggested. "Please?"

The waiters pushed five tables together to make enough places for everyone to sit. Joss sat as far from Wade and Bego as physically possible. She didn't order anything and avoided eye contact. Wade just ordered tea, and Bego occasionally pretended to take a sip.

For almost an hour Wade came under assault from students asking how to apply for a Lipsky and Load fellowship, students in need of a job - who were certain that they would fit in very well and Lipsky and Load, people with their own résumés, people with the résumés of friends and family members, and students who wanted in on the alien technology project - and would work for free if chosen.

Wade picked up the tab for the whole group. Joss tried to slip away when the others left, but Bego stopped her, "Care to explain what that's all about?"

"I'm sorry," she apologized to Wade. "They knew I had a Lipsky and Load grant and, well after last summer, everybody's heard of you and--"

"Heard of us," Bego grinned, "I have people askin', 'Hey, were you on the cover of Time?' when they see me."

"Anyway, they wanted me to introduce them. I didn't want to bother you. I'm sorry."

"No problem," Wade assured her.

"I'd better get home," Joss said, trying to leave.

"You don't have to," Bego told her.

"Don't want to bust up you two having a good time. 'Sides, you know how long it takes to get home."

"Can I call a cab for you?" Wade offered.

"Don't need to go throwin' money around," Joss answered. "Bego and I are getting' real good with the subway and busses."

"Why don't we all go back to our place and talk for awhile?" Bego suggested. "Mr. Big Spender can pay for the taxi."

Joss and Wade maneuvered Bego into sitting in the middle, but halfway to Waltham she knocked on the partition, "Stop here," she told the Iraqi driver.

"Here?" the puzzled man asked.

"Yes."

"What are you doing?" Joss hissed

"Getting out. You two need to talk."

"But--" Wade started to protest.

"You two need to talk."

The cab pulled over to the curb and Bego crawled out over Wade. She stopped for a minute, straddling his lap and facing him. "Remember, handsome, if she's lost all interest, I'm available." To the shock of both Wade and Joss she then gave him a long kiss before stepping out of the car. "See you at the apartment," she called to Joss as she shut the door.

"That was weird," Wade muttered.

"She wants us back together."

"She does?"

"Yeah, thinks it'll stop me from…"

"From what?"

"Never mind," Joss snapped, "It's none of your business."

There was a minute of silence in the back of the cab. "I'm sorry, Wade, but it isn't your business. I'm off the ranch, out of high school, and I want to have fun. I don't want Bego tellin' me how to live, and we aren't datin'. I'm free to do what I want."

"I can't argue with that," Wade agreed, although it felt like someone had stuck a knife in his gut and twisted it to hear her words.

"So, what's new with you?"

"I'm in therapy."

"There was another minute of silence in the cab before Joss managed, "I'm sorry."

"That I'm getting help? That's a weird thing to say."

"Is… Is it my fault?"

"Your fault?"

"That night wasn't all your fault. I said I was ready. I thought I was ready… I was leading you on. It wasn't fair of me…"

"Joss, my problems started before that night. And I've got more problems than just that night…"

"This is so weird. You were always, like, the mature one and--"

"And needing help makes me immature?"

"No, it's just, I don't know. We're 'bout the same age but you've seen and done so much. I always thought you could do anythin'."

"Hard being a genius. I thought I had all the answers - was willing to run other people's lives. I found--"

The driver called, "Is this the place?" The two hadn't noticed he had reached the address and been parked for a couple minutes.

"Yeah," Joss told him and put her hand on the door handle.

"Can you take me back to MIT," Wade asked, "I--"

"Come up and talk for a spell?" Joss invited.

"I don't know."

"Bego wanted us to talk. Come on, it'll be half an hour before she gets back."

Wade pulled a large bill from his wallet, "Can you wait awhile?"

The driver's eyes opened wide and he smiled, "You out in hour and a half, I still here," he assured the young man.

Joss giggled slightly as they got out of the cab, "Zita's never gonna let you take that off the expense account."

"I don't care."

Wade sat in the small living room while Joss boiled water for herbal tea. "I've gotten to like coffee in the mornin', but think it's too late just now," she called from the tiny kitchen.

"This place is small."

"Not if you believe the… Other students say we've got a lot of room for the two of us."

There was more uncomfortable silence until Joss came in with two mugs and handed him one before sitting down on another chair. "I think I need to apologize to you," Joss began.

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do. In Egypt we talked about bein' friends, but I've not done a good job… Maybe I still have some bad feelin's towards you. Maybe I've just been havin' too much fun. But seein' you and Doc tonight? It felt good. I wanna hear what you're up to. I wanna hear what Tim and Jim's up to." Joss sighed, "We're not gettin' back together. We both know it. But I don't want to be afraid of Middleton. Tell me what's goin' on."

Half an hour later Bego arrived with the news, "The taxi is still out front. The driver looks like he's chain smoking."

"Take the load off your feet," Joss invited, "Wade's tellin' me about Middleton."

"That's okay," Wade said, rising to leave. "I promised Bego we'd do something while I'm in town. Maybe we'll take in a movie tomorrow night."

"Sounds great," the blue girl agreed. "But after Vivian speaks. I want to hear what she has to say."

"You can pick the flick," Wade told her before he left.


	11. Making Up Is Hard to Do, part 2

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns all the Kim Possible characters. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

OCs in this chapter appeared in **Domus dulcis domus**, chapter 7.**  
**

**Interlude – Making Up Is Hard to Do, part 2**

Joss wondered why it bothered her that Bego and Wade had plans. She certainly didn't think her 'sister' was in any trouble. It made sense. Even though Joss and Bego had become separate individuals before Joss started dating Wade the two of them shared many of the same ideas and attitudes because of their shared memories. If she'd fallen for Wade, then certainly Bego could fall for Wade. Was that what bothered her? Was she afraid of Bego developing a crush and Wade not returning the affection? Was she afraid of Wade returning the affection? Shouldn't she simply be happy for Bego?

At the end of the first session on Saturday morning Joss realized she had no idea what the panel discussion had talked about. She resolved to focus better in the afternoon session, but achieved only slightly better results. She had seen Bego, who was dressed too well to go to a movie - which made her feel even worse.

"They think I'm Wade's girlfriend so I get to sit up on the stage again," her blue sister told Joss.

"You've got no business up there," Joss snapped. As she found a fast food place in Kendall Square for a bite before Vivian Porter's keynote address Joss calmed down and realized she would need to apologize to Bego.

Drakken could only have enjoyed the day more if he had received an honorary doctorate. Because he was not on the program he had suffered the injustice of anonymity on the first evening. By Saturday his identity was better known to those attending the conference and he handed out and accepted enough business cards to please Zita as well as receiving his own pile of résumés from students and recent graduates so eager for jobs they were willing to endure long rambling stories from the blue man on the success Lipsky and Load enjoyed and the future of the alien technology project.

Vivian Porter had served on the morning's panel discussion during which Joss had spaced out. She worked on her speech during the afternoon and confessed to Wade that she had a bad case of butterflies in her stomach as they ate dinner.

The evening convocation began very much like the meeting began the night before. The crowd in the hall was larger, but Wade felt no jealousy that Vivian had a larger name in cybernetics. He was better able to face the prospect of Joss in the audience that evening. At least he didn't have to talk. Seeing her last night had reminded him how much he still cared for her. Seeing her made him feel wonderful, but her words from the night before were still seared on his heart, "We're not gettin' back together. We both know it." He might know it in his head, but he still hadn't accepted it in his heart.

Wade followed Vivian's lecture as closely as many of the men followed every movement of the blonde woman. Bego, who couldn't make sense out of most of what Dr. Porter said, let her mind stray and noticed the problem first. She nudged Wade, "Trouble," she whispered. "Look at the exits."

The three hulking thugs at each doorway were not campus security, they had henchmen written all over them.

Before either Wade or Bego had a chance to act a man at each doorway handed a long staff with glowing red canisters at each end to the other men, who moved into the lecture hall while the third man kept watch at the door.

"What are those," Bego whispered as the lecture hall erupted into chaos.

"Pain sticks," Wade answered fast, "Drakken sometimes used 'em. Lot of pain, but one hit shouldn't kill."

"You will all remain seated," an amplified voice with an odd intonation thundered. One student, unwilling to listen, sprang to his feet. A blow from a pain stick sent him to the floor, screaming in agony, and the others remained in their chairs. Something that looked oddly like a garbage can on wheels, with a fishbowl on the top, rolled in from a back exit and took up a position in front of the stage. "Do not even think of touching your cell phones. My partner and I do not wish for anyone else to be hurt," it announced.

Wade frowned, he had heard of Alien Brain before, but the thing usually worked alone. Who was its partner and what was their plan? He received answers to both his questions quickly. Two henchmen entered the back of lecture hall carrying a litter which held a plant stand with a large cactus.

"Isn't that--" Bego began

"It is," Wade groaned, "Spiny Norman."

"We will hold the scientists for ransom," the cactus announced. "We have no need to hold students and will free you when we leave."

"Our men will ask for identification. Show a student ID and turn in your cell phone and move to--"

"Wallets!" the cactus shouted. "They must hand over their wallets also."

"Small timer!" Alien Brain bellowed, "We've got a big plan and you want a little cash?"

"Fine, I won't split it with you," Norman shouted back.

Alien Brain would have slapped his forehead in disgust, if he had a hand or forehead. "Students will turn in cell phone _and wallets_ and move to the back of the room," he said in exasperation.

A black MIT student in the audience whispered to his neighbor, "What's this move to the back of the room shit?" Despite the tension the person beside him giggled, drawing a hard look but no other reaction from the henchman closest to them.

The scientists in the front of the lecture hall were herded onto the stage with the guests of honor as the villains separated the two groups. It gave Wade and Bego the chance to quickly confer with Drakken and Vivian Porter.

"What's going on," the blonde woman whispered. "Hold us for ransom?"

"More likely he wants us to build a better robotic body for him," Wade guessed.

"Do what they're asking now?" Drakken asked.

"I vote no," Bego answered. "You don't know what kind of a hideout they might have. Catch 'em by surprise here and end it now."

Vivian Porter seemed nervous, "There are a lot of them, I don't know that I--"

"You don't need to do anythin'," Bego assured her. "I'm guessin' Joss has the same idea. They're all spread out now. Once they have us in two groups the henchmen have to bunch together for crowd control."

Joss moved cautiously toward the edge of the group on the stage, with Drakken and Wade behind her.

The young looking Bego caught the attention of one of the henchmen, "Hey, you're no scientist."

"She's my daughter," Drakken told him, putting his hands on the blue girl's shoulders - as if to reassure her.

As the three reached the edge of the stage they were able to see Joss among the students gathered at the far end of the hall. The blue girl and her sister exchanged smiles of recognition and wished their mental contact didn't require them to be touching. As Bego had predicted however Joss was waiting for the perfect moment. The sisters watched the henchmen as they finished their job of separation and the two kept watching each other.

Bego made the first move. She stood on the edge of the stage. A trio of henchmen were clustered together on the floor of the lecture hall, three feet lower than the stage and Bego jumped on top of them. The blue girl looked like she weighed little less than a hundred pounds, but her metal construction meant her real weight was far more. The trio went down, and two were in no condition to arise after her weight knocked them out.

The noise caused those guarding the students to turn and see what was happening, which is when Joss struck. She had positioned herself near two of the thugs. When they turned away she grabbed a head in each hand and slammed them together. There was a sound of melons colliding and the two dropped.

Wade nudged Drakken, "I'll go for the Brain, you take Norman."

A third henchman had run toward Joss, his painstick on the ready. Before he could swing at her, however, the slim girl grabbed it also. At twice her size he had no fear of her taking it from him when she suddenly dropped, she jerked as she went down - sending him off balance and flying over her into the middle of the students. Three students promptly sat on him. Joss arose, painstick in hand, and headed for more henchmen. The thugs started to back up. There were more of them, and they were all much larger than the girl who confronted him but the joy and confidence in her grin said she was going to enjoy what happened next - and that scared them.

Wade went straight for Alien Brain, and at the moment there was enough confusion no one tried to stop him. "You're busted," the young black man told the metal construct.

"I don't think so," the villain retorted. A port on his metal shell opened and a glowing red rod emerged, "Exterminate!" It rolled towards Wade.

"That looked like a pain stick," Wade said as he dodged to the side.

"It is," the alien admitted as it turned and rolled towards him again. "I can't risk killing any scientists."

"Then why the 'Exterminate'?" Wade asked, dodging again.

"Blurg, I've wanted to say that since I got to your planet," the garbage can on wheels admitted.

Bego's strength had left five henchmen unconscious and made the others far more cautious in their approach. The fact the robot girl had less ability to experience pain made her careless, she thought herself immune and didn't dodge a blow from a painstick and suddenly felt agony rip through her being like she could not have imagined possible. Bego screamed and dropped to her knees, holding her left arm, which felt like it was on fire.

_"How does a cactus get henchmen?"_ Drakken wondered as he skirted the wall moving towards where Norman and the two men carrying his pot surveyed the chaos. _"I mean, sure he's the smartest cactus in the world - but how hard is it to claim that distinction?"_

The cactus spoke first, "Drakken? Is that really you?"

"Surrender, and… Snap, I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

"Why'd you quit? You were a hero to so many of us… Okay, maybe hero isn't the word… How could you break our hearts and go straight?"

The blue man shrugged, "Actually, I'm finding that government contracts pay a lot better than crime. I can overcharge the public and get hailed as a pillar of the community. It's-- Hey, don't change the subject. Put up your… Sorry, you don't have hands, but--"

"Get 'im, boys," Norman told the henchmen carrying his pot.

That was the moment when Bego screamed. Instead of running for cover Drakken froze momentarily, long enough for the two henchmen to put down Norman, grab Drakken and start roughing him up.

Bego's scream drove Joss into a frenzy of action. She leapt high in the air, executing a perfect summersault from her two years as a cheerleader and landed in the middle of the circle of thugs facing her. As they whipped around in the tight quarters to face her two of them went down, struck by the glowing rods their neighbor's carried. They were too close to use their sticks, too much chance of hitting another of their number. Joss suffered from no such liability. Anything standing was a fair target and within seconds only two of the original group were still on their feet and they started back peddling towards their companions at the front of the hall.

The blue girl struggled to her feet, her left arm hanging limp and useless and the pain seeming to grow. She had gone down by the first row of chairs, and grabbed one. The chairs were a heavy, industrial weight designed for hard use. The metal frame weighed eighteen pounds and the shape was clumsy for an average person to use as a weapon - and impossible for an average person with one arm. Bego was not an average person. She picked up a chair with her right hand and threw it - hard. A henchman went down. A second went down, and those who had been at the front of the hall backed toward the stage where the scientists stood - figuring she wouldn't risk injuring the scientists by hurling more chairs.

The scientists were not longer passive captives. With the henchmen vastly diminished in number by two girls the younger cyberneticists grabbed the thugs from behind. The crooks couldn't watch Bego and their backs at the same time soon they had hauled on stage and had scientists and faculty sitting on them as well.

"Boss! We gotta get out of here!" one of the two thugs running towards Alien Brain yelled.

The canister turned to see what was happening, and Wade jumped him from behind - grabbing two of the metal handles used by henchmen when the alien needed to be carried up or down stairs.

"Gurg!" the alien swore, suddenly aware of Wade's plan he tried to withdraw the painstick protruding from the front of his shell, but it was too late. The henchmen were too close to stop and Wade swiveled the villain back and forth, hitting both thugs with the painstick and sending them both to the floor.

Drakken suddenly became aware that he no longer had two men beating on him. He heard "Stop it!" *thud* "Stop it!" *thud* and looked over to find the larger of the two henchmen down on the floor with Vivian Porter on his back. She was repeatedly banging the man's leather helmeted head against the floor and it wasn't clear if he was even conscious at the moment. The smaller thug decided it was a good time to leave, but Drakken grabbed him and was still struggling to gain the upper hand when students came over to round up the villains at the fight's end.

Spiny Norman, of course, remained rooted in his pot, screaming at the injustice of being returned to a sunny spot in the warden's office.

Drakken was about to thank Vivian Porter when the two heard Joss's frantic scream, "Help! Somethin's wrong with Bego!"


	12. Making Up Is Hard to Do, part 3

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns all the characters from the Kim Possible series.

**Interlude – Making Up Is Hard to Do, part 3**

"What's wrong," Wade called as he, Vivian, and Drakken came running.

"System failure, she's losing it, losing control--" Joss hugged Bego tightly, trying to share the blue's girl's consciousness. Trying to share the pain. She couldn't, and that scared her even more.

As Wade questioned someone who had seen what happened to Bego Drakken grabbed an MIT professor connected with the cybernetics conference, "We need a lab, NOW!" he barked.

"I don't--"

"NOW!" Drakken screamed.

Considering that the group had just saved them, the professor reacted quickly, "Closest one is this way." He spotted a faculty colleague, "Seth, need your lab."

"Can I--"

"No, we've got an emergency."

The milling students and scientists weren't sure what was happening as they waited for the police to arrive. But Drakken and Wade half dragged - half carried the unresponsive Bego in the direction they were led while Vivian put an arm around Joss's shoulders and followed.

The MIT scientist whose lab they borrowed quickly realized he could do nothing but get in the way and left them to work. Joss stood in the corner, desperately afraid and wanting to do something, but unable to think of anything which could help.

Vivian and Wade had Bego open and were working frantically. Drakken asked occasional questions that Joss couldn't understand, and seemed satisfied with the answers the others gave him.

Joss felt like the professor who left for fear of getting in the way. She was afraid to say anything for fear she would distract the others. But she couldn't leave without knowing something. Wade and Vivian were talking as they worked, but Joss was too far from the two to catch more than one word in five. However their concern was obvious. Finally the pair straightened. "All we can do for now," Wade sighed.

"Is she…" Vivian wondered.

The young black man shrugged, "I don't know. Look, go back and see if there's anything still going on with the conference. I'm going to see if Doc has any ideas."

Joss grabbed onto Dr. Porter's arm as the scientist left. Vivian was taking it hard. All her work with the blue girl had made her a close friend and Joss could tell the older woman was as upset as she was about what was happening.

"What's happenin'?" the student demanded.

Vivian had a grim expression, "Not sure. Massive system failure of some sort. Kind of like a domino effect, or series of organ failure in a human. As one system went down it created interference and eventually took down another. We disconnected everything."

"Is she goin' to be okay?"

"I don't know," Vivian confessed. "We tried to isolate her brain. If the failure reached that far…"

"If the failure reached that far?"

"She's dead."

"You can't tell?"

"We had to disconnect it all. Bego is blind, deaf, and dumb at the moment - if she's even alive. Until things are replaced or repaired we won't know." Vivian answered.

The two leaned on each other as they returned to the lecture hall. The police had arrived and things had started to calm down. Statements were taken from both Vivian and Joss. Most of those attending thought the evening was over for the conference and many left, but some of the organizers wanted Vivian to finish her talk. The blonde woman tried to beg off, but Joss whispered, "Please. You need to do somethin' normal. I need to do somethin' normal."

The blonde had some trouble returning to her speech, but everyone there was more than willing to forgive her under the circumstances. She received a thunderous standing ovation from those who had remained for the lecture.

"Can you answer a few questions from the audience," the moderator asked her as the applause died down.

"No, I really need to get back to my friend."

Joss winced on returning to the lab and seeing Wade tinkering around inside Bego, it made the metal girl seem dead. Joss had somehow hoped that Drakken and Wade could have fixed the blue girl while they were gone. Drakken had ransacked a desk for paper and was frantically drawing diagrams. The two fell silent when the women entered the room.

"Any news?" Vivian demanded. Joss wanted to know also, but was afraid to ask.

Wade looked up, "Possible piece of good news. She was hit in the left arm." He showed them a diagram in Drakken's handwriting and began to point to systems and sub-relays as Drakken had them listed. "Her systems attempted to… Heck, I'll cut to the chase. I'm afraid to check her brain, scared I'll damage something." He pointed to a line on the diagram, "The virus, or whatever we're going to call the feedback loop, didn't reach everything. It's dangerous to assume anything, but… Sorry, I keep wanting to slip into unnecessary detail. We disconnected every system. I've tested a couple of the later systems. Not everything was affected. The brain is what's important." He took a breath and let it out slowly. "Joss, we need you to try and make mental contact with Bego… If… We'll take it from there."

Joss quickly grabbed the blue hand of the lifeless figure. Her face mirrored her shock, "Oh, God," she whispered softly.

"Stay calm," Wade told her. "Should have warned you, with so much shut down that might not work." He took Joss's hand in his and guided hers into Bego's open chest. The girl's stomach felt funny as she reached inside her sister. "Here," Wade told her and put her hand down on a metal part. His left his hand on hers, warm and comforting, in case Bego had died.

Instead Joss broke into broad grin that released everyone's tension. Neither Joss nor Wade had noticed that his hand stayed on hers, but in the general relief he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Suddenly both aware of what was going on Wade jerked his hand back as if he'd placed it on a hot stove.

Vivian and Drakken were both asking questions at once, and Wade was getting ready to open his mouth when Joss held up her hand for silence, "Let me talk with her for a minute, okay? I've told her you disconnected 'bout everythin' on her. She wants to know when you can get her put back together."

"Too much damage," Drakken began.

"We'll have to take her back to Middleton," Wade finished. "Doc and I will--"

"You'll be giving her a new body?" Vivian broke in. Drakken nodded. "Joss, tell her that I have some things I want to try out. Much greater touch sensitivity, to both heat and cold and also tactile sensations."

Joss showed visible excitement. "I don't have to tell her, she's hearin' through my ears right now… Doc, Wade, she wants to know if she can be taller - says she's tired of lookin' like sixteen."

"Should be no problem," Drakken said, looking to Wade to see if he agreed.

"Like Ms. Shego looked at 'round twenty-two or so…" Joss suddenly blushed, "She wants to be a C-cup."

Wade chuckled and Drakken pretended to wipe a tear from his eye, "My little girl is growing up."

Joss looked shocked and there was a moment of silence as the two girls carried on their internal dialog. The girl from Montana looked uncomfortable when she finally spoke, "Uh, Dr. Porter? I'm not goin' to say nothin' here in front of Doc and Wade. But, uh, Bego has some places where she wants more sensitivity to touch."

The men looked slightly embarrassed as Dr. Porter laughed. She turned to Drakken, "Your little girl is definitely growing up."

Vivian looked slightly puzzled, however, when Wade brought up the work Drakken had frantically sketched.

"Doc's had a brainstorm," the black man told Joss and Bego.

"Hallelujah! I'm guessin' that's one for Bego," Joss answered. Wade nodded. "I always say, 'better a brainstorm than a braindrought'."

Drakken looked mildly offended and Vivian raised an eyebrow, "Braindrought?"

"Drew sometimes gets the most incredible ideas in the world, and sometimes he gets them finished. Sometimes he'll go weeks without that spark of genius and leaves the Possible brothers or me to figure out how to make his ideas work. Zita's going to give him a kiss for this one. He's got a circuit design that should not only keep something like this from happening again but may even let Bego fix herself - sort of a healing process. Firewall, circuit breaker, and electronic first aid kit all rolled into one."

Vivian let out a whistle, "I want those for Oliver."

"Everyone here will want them," Drakken pointed out.

"I don't want you using Bego for a test dummy," Joss complained.

"We'll test it before we use it on her - but it looks really good on paper," Wade assured her. "And Doc had another thought on how to protect her mind."

A worried look crossed Joss's face, "Bego's not so sure about that one."

"We won't do anything without talking to you first," Drakken told the robot girl.

Joss stayed with Bego, serving as her eyes and ears, until the blue girl was loaded on a plane for the flight to Middleton. Joss wanted to come back, but Bego told her to stay and work on classes - and record a couple television programs the blue girl watched.

* * *

For the two weeks until Bego could return to Boston Joss called Wade twice a day, early and late, to find out what was planned for Bego that day and check the results at night.

Wade called several times after Bego returned to find out how things were going for her. Sometimes he talked with Bego. Sometimes he talked with Joss for her opinion.

"She's kinda clumsy," Joss told him in a worried tone. "Sometimes she knocks things over. She never used to do that. Is she okay?"

"She's a little taller now," Wade reminded her. "She didn't 'grow' into her body and it'll take her a little time to get adjusted to it."

"Yeah, and did you have to make her so dang tall?"

"She's five-seven, that's not all that tall."

"Well sometimes she musses my hair and calls me 'little sis', it's annoyin' as all get out."

Wade laughed, "I'm going to come out next Thursday and check up on her… Can I take you both out for dinner?"

"Heck yes, it'll be great! You still owe Bego from the conference - an' I want all the details on her upgrades."

As soon as she got off the phone and looked at the calendar she saw Thursday was Valentine's Day. Had Wade done that on purpose or was it coincidence? She sighed and called Nick to tell him their date was off. She'd have to do something extra special to make it up to him next time they went out.

Joss and Wade slipped into a pattern of one calling the other every weekend. Joss made a point of not having any guy in the apartment on Sunday afternoons while she waited for Wade's call.

The calls became even more important to her that summer as she and Bego went back to the ranch. After a year of big city the ranch seemed almost unbearable. She might call Kim, or the twins, or her aunt and uncle and twice she even called Zita to talk with her - but mostly she called Wade and talked, sometimes for hours at a time.

Wade's visits to the east coast became more frequent that next fall, and Joss spent more time in Middleton. As her second year at MIT progressed Joss became a lot more selective about the guys she went out with, and what she did with them. She wondered about kicking her relationship with Wade up a few notches, but he had grown curiously shy around her. Twice, as visits came to a close, she had given him passionate kisses, pulling him close and rubbing herself against him while her tongue explored his mouth. Both times he had pulled away in fear. Was it his problem? Should she give him time to work through it? Was it her problem? She needed physical intimacy, and could always find someone willing for that. But she wanted shared emotional intimacy as well, and no one meant as much to her as Wade.

Bego and Joss stayed in Boston the next summer.

In early September Wade received a call at three in the morning.

"Yes?" he groaned.

"Wade? It's Bego."

Wade snapped awake, "Bego? Is everything all right? How's Joss?"

"Not good," Bego answered, her voice breaking. "Neither one of us doin' good."

"What's wrong? Can I help?"

"Can… Can you come out? Nana died… No, don't come out - we need to get to Montana… The funeral will… I'm sorry, Wade, I'm not thinkin' very clear just now."

"I'll come out," he told her quietly. "I'll call the airlines now. If either of you need me, I'm there for you. Want me to set up flights to Montana for the three of us?"

"Thank you, as soon as you can."

"I'll be on the first plane east this morning. You and Joss pack. We should fly back in the afternoon."

--End Interlude-


	13. A Funeral in the Family, part 1

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. And cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

This is obviously set immediately after the Interlude.

**A Funeral in the Family – part 1 **

"This the ranch?" Wade asked when Joss told him to turn into a long drive.

"Yep." She should have volunteered to drive the rental car they had picked up at the airport, but neither she nor Bego felt up to driving.

As they neared the house Wade frowned at the sight of an official vehicle. The decal on the car's door read 'County Sheriff' and he could see a man in uniform in a field talking with 'Slim' Possible. He slowed and looked closer. Several headstones were visible in the grass where the two men stood in conversation, and a low mound of dirt.

"Park the car," Joss ordered. She and Bego were out of the car before Wade had the motor off and running over to Slim. Joss threw her arms around her dad and gave him a hug. Bego wanted to hug him also. In her mind he was her father as well, but Slim had always made it clear he wanted nothing to do with the blue woman.

Slim glanced over and scowled at the young black man, who continued to stand by the rental car. He wondered if anything could go right, and turned back to the sheriff, "So, what're you going to do?"

The sheriff turned to the girls, "Joss, isn't it?"

Joss nodded, "This is Bego. She's my sister--"

"No she's not," Slim could be heard to mutter.

The sheriff said nothing. He knew of Slim's work with robotics and figured this was some companion the rancher had made for his daughter. "You're out at school back east, aren't you?"

"Yes, _we_ are. I'm at MIT in Boston. What's the matter?"

"Been a change in state law on the disposal of a body. I'm afraid this isn't legal anymore."

"You're here to stop dad?"

"Like hell he will," Slim interjected. "Mom's goin' in by Dad."

The sheriff turned and looked at the beginning of the grave, "No law against digging a hole six feet deep on your own property." He turned to Slim, "When will your mom get here?"

"Niece is bringing her home. Got a hearse rented to bring her out. Probably two or three this afternoon."

"The funeral?"

"Tomorrow at ten."

"I'll be here with the Missus. Your parents were good folk. I'd appreciate it if you stopped by the office next week so I can charge you. You could have asked the judge for an exemption, you know. Family plot and all."

"Didn't need to talk to no judge before we buried dad."

"Times change. You got to change with them." Slim made no response, and the sheriff turned to the two women and tipped his hat, "Sorry about your grandma."

The officer headed back to his car and Slim swore softly under his breath, then turned to Joss, "Your mom's in the house with the other women in the kitchen. You best get settled so you can help."

When Joss and Bego turned to go back to the car they saw Wade struggling with two small girls. As they got closer Wade gave up the battle and Kasy and Sheki shot across the tall grass to their cousins. Joss scooped up the little redhead and hugged her while Bego took command of Sheki.

"Wade's mean!" Kasy declared emphatically.

"Why's that?"

"He wouldn't let us go out and see you while the man was there. An' then he wouldn't let us go out when you were talking with Uncle Slim."

Bego patted Sheki on the back, "Your uncle Slim is upset. It was his mommy and Grandpa James's mommy who died. You'd be very upset if your mommy died." Bego hugged the little girl tightly. _"And he thinks the two of you are freaks like he thinks I'm a freak."_

Joss got in the car with Wade to help him find a place to park while Bego walked the twins towards the house. They met James Possible, heading to the family plot to take his turn at the grave, and he gave them all hugs.

"How long until Kim and Shego get here?" Bego asked as her uncle hugged her.

"Got a call saying they'd arrived at the airport here," he told her. "They were waiting for the hearse to arrive, but we expect them in a couple hours." He gave the blue woman a thoughtful smile, "I'm really glad we've got Sharon in the family. It made the paperwork for bringing mom home a lot easier."

"Go play with your cousins," Bego suggested to the twins as their grandfather left them. "I need to help Wade and Joss bring in the luggage."

"Can we help?" Sheki asked.

"The other kids won't play with us," Kasy added.

Bego frowned, "Why not?"

"'Cause they're all bigger than us."

"Isn't Aunt Faith here with her grandkids?"

Sheki looked puzzled, "Aunt Faith?"

"Grandpa James and your Uncle Slim's sister. She has two grandkids about your age."

"I heard Aunt Becky say somebody had trouble with her flight," Kasy reported.

"Yeah, and… who's that thin lady with the short hair?"

"I think you mean your cousin John's wife."

"Okay, well she asked if more kids were coming and Aunt Becky said no, and Grandma Anne said that was too bad because they would have played with us."

Bego gave in, "Okay, you can help carry. But only 'cause I like you."

"Took you long enough to get here," Joss complained when the trio reached her and Wade at the car.

"You teasin' or got a problem?" Bego demanded.

The question brought Joss up short, "Sorry," she apologized. "I'm stressed."

"We're all stressed," her blue sister reminded her, and told her the news on Aunt Faith and the estimated time of arrival for Kim and Shego with Nana Possible's body.

"It's so weird to be one of the adults," Joss sighed.

"In what way?" Wade asked.

"When grandpa died I don't think I was any bigger than these two," Joss began.

"They just told me, 'Go out and play'," Bego continued. "The men dug the grave. The women cooked. Just now dad told us to go to the kitchen." He hadn't actually included Bego in his words to Joss, but the metal woman chose to take it that way.

"We goin' stand for that?" Joss asked her sister.

"Stand for what?"

"Bein' told to stay in the kitchen. We're blood kin. We loved grandma as much as anybody. I want to take a turn digging."

Bego smiled and gave her sister a high five, "I'm with you. I reckon Kim will join us. 'Sides, we're all better off keepin' her out of the kitchen."

"While you two plot a feminist war, any idea where I'm supposed to go?" Wade asked.

"You're down in the old bunkhouse with uncles Jim and Tim," Sheki told him.

"Hope you brought a warm sleepin' bag," Bego warned him.

"Gets cold at night," Joss finished, "and that place should have been torn down twenty years ago." She gave Wade a fast kiss on the cheek, then turned to the twins, "You two chipmunks know where the bunkhouse is?" They nodded yes, "Well, take Wade there. Bego and I are goin' into the house."

Joss's older brothers were in the house when the two young women went in. They both gave Joss hugs. Clint, like his father, ignored Bego as much as he could. John gave the metal girl a hug also, which she returned with gratitude. "Thanks, bro."

"No problem, Sis. We're all family." He wasn't certain what he thought of Bego. Sometimes he accepted she was a real person with his sister's memory and sometimes he wondered if she were an elaborate toy. But it made Joss happy when he was friendly with the metal girl. He dropped his arms and stepped back, staring closely at the blue woman, "Any more upgrades?"

"Nope, can't improve on perfection. I'm… I'm gonna miss her."

John gave her another hug, "We're all goin' to miss her."

"You took a turn digging yet?" Joss asked.

"Nah, let Dad and Uncle James start. It's good to do something physical when your minds are all awhirl. Once they hit hard clay we'll take over. Us and Jim and Tim. Those two shot up like weeds, but they were so skinny last time I saw 'em I thought a stiff wind would knock 'em over. Looks like they're startin' to fill out."

Joss decided to keep her plans quiet until Kim arrived and she and Bego headed for the kitchen.

Their mother hugged them both. There were more hugs and tears before the two girls were assigned jobs, and the conversation returned to a fairly constant normal. Her mother wanted to know how classes were going for Joss, and Anne made certain that Bego told about her classes as well.

Faith blew in like a thunderstorm, "Damn airlines!" she swore. "And I don't know what's wrong with my kids. I offered to pay their way and they said they couldn't make it. Nothing's more important than family."

"Amen," Slim's wife added.

Before Becky could assign a job to her sister-in-law Joss gave her aunt a hug, "Where's uncle Fred?"

"He's talking with your dad."

Bego gave Faith a hug also, "Good to see you Aunt Faith." The older woman returned the hug, although somewhat uncomfortably. Like John she hadn't made up her mind, but would give Bego some benefit of the doubt.

Forty-five minutes later Kim and Shego arrived.

"Do you need any help moving in the casket?" Bego asked.

"Nah, it's in the front room," Kim answered.

"Do you and Sharon want to help here in the kitchen or do you need a minute to rest first?" Anne asked. She knew most of the women there were mildly uncomfortable around Kim since she came out to the family, and some of them were very uncomfortable around Shego.

Before Shego could answer Faith interrupted, "Any problems getting mom home? I hear you're a lawyer."

"Yeah, it probably helped. It was just making sure all the forms are initialed and signed."

"Thanks," Faith told her, and a couple other women added their own thanks. Whether they liked Kim's partner or not they appreciated having her shoulder that responsibility.

"Kim, why don't you lie down for a little while," Shego suggested. "I'll stay and help in the kitchen." Shego looked at the women, "She hasn't slept well since we got the news."

"Actually, I'd like Kim to take my back when I go out to fight daddy," Joss added.

Her mom looked at her sharply, "We do not need a fight today!"

"I want to take a turn diggin' the grave. I don't want to just be stuck in the kitchen. She's my grandmother. I need to do it."

"What we're going in here is important," her mother reminded her.

"I'm not sayin' it's not. But why can't I do both? I need that too. I need…" Joss started to cry.

Bego put her hand on Joss's arm, "We need that closure too. In my mind she's my grandmother. I remember her teachin' me how to skip rocks on the pond. I remember her holdin' me when I was sick. I need a turn too."

Kim stepped over and put an arm around Joss, "I hadn't thought about that… You're right. I'll go out with you. You want me to take point against your dad and you can have my back?"

"No you won't," Faith said sharply. Before Shego could jump to Kim's defense Kim's aunt continued, "Joss is right. I'm going out with you. And my brother better know better than to say no."

Kim, Joss, Bego, and aunt Faith left the kitchen.

"Oh dear, that's not going to be good," Becky sighed.

"But they're right," Anne countered.

"Maybe, but we don't need a fight before the funeral."

"Little hard to fight over digging a grave unless there's going to be a funeral," Shego pointed out. John and Clint's wives laughed nervously and Shego changed the topic, "Anne, how were the twins on the flight? Any problems?"

Everyone seemed grateful to have a different subject to talk about and children and grandchildren became the topic for discussion in the kitchen.

Dinner that evening was simple, most of the cooking during the day had been for the lunch after the ceremony in the morning.

Jim and Tim argued who had developed the most blisters while they were digging, and Joss's older brothers laughed at both of them and accused them of not knowing how to do honest work. Joss felt slightly ashamed of her own three blisters - she saw them as a sign of weakness and didn't mention them. But her Aunt displayed hers as a badge of honor.

After dinner Wade headed to the bunkhouse with Jim and Tim to discuss work at Lipsky and Load.

Most of the adults gathered in the living room after dinner. Anne and Becky joined them after loading the dishwasher. They asked why family never got together anymore except for weddings and funerals, and said they needed to try harder. Faith made the uncomfortable observation that with the passing of their mother she and her brothers, with their spouses, were now the 'old' generation. And they retold the stories they all knew of their mother, mother-in-law, and grandmother.

Joss and Bego, on the uncomfortable cusp between child and adult, were asked to watch the children. Joss took her brothers' kids. They were old enough to have some idea about death and they mostly needed someone to listen to their fears and talk with them. Kasy and Sheki, too young to really understand what was happening, were put in Bego's care and she kept them busy with games until bedtime.

With the nearest motel forty miles away sleeping space was at a premium. As the conversation wound down John and Clint headed down for the bunkhouse also, leaving their wives and kids to the greater comfort of the house. Twenty minutes later the door of the house opened and two more figures emerged into the night carrying sleeping bags.

"Calm down," Kim urged Shego.

"Jesus, Kim, did he think we were going to rape Joss?"

"I said, calm down. Uncle Slim's upset. He just lost his mom."

"His problems started long before your grandma died. Uncle Stupid makes Hego look sane."

"Please, he's my uncle."

"Oh, and what does that mean? Possibles aren't allowed to be pricks, or that we just have to accept it?"

"Shego, please. I don't need this right now. I need sleep. Want to sleep in one of the cars or crash with the guys in the bunkhouse?"

"I want to stretch out, so no car. And this afternoon your uncle gave me enough testosterone bullshit for my whole monthly quota - so the spit and scratch house is out… Did I see a barn?"

"Yeah."

"Want a roll in the hay?"

"Not tonight, dear. I've got a headache. But just you and me, cuddling together in the hay loft? I definitely think I could live with that."


	14. A Funeral in the Family, part 2

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Thanks to Thomas Linquist for telling me something I needed to cover in this chapter. Reviews are down, so in addition to replies and previews I'll also publicly thank Mr. Wizard, Shinneodeus, Etherelemental, and Noncynic for reviews.

**A Funeral in the Family – part 2**

The pastor from Aunt Becky's church was fresh from seminary, with a better sense of how churches were supposed to be run than the way they actually worked. This was his second funeral, and vastly different from his first - which had been conducted at a funeral home and then out to a proper cemetery. He had never met Nana, and his nervousness showed. He read passages from the gospel of John, stumbled uncomfortably through a meditation, and recovered his composure enough to do well on the prayer.

For fear that Nana's children might break down if they tried to read the eulogy the job fell to Becky. Her own mother had died young and her mother-in-law had been like a second mother to her.

A couple family members shared happy memories, then Slim nodded to the honor guard from the local VFW post and they fired a salute. Faith, the oldest child, put the first shovelful of dirt back into the grave. Most of those who came for the ceremony added earth from the pile beside the open grave.

As family and friends paid their last respects at the graveside Kasy and Sheki became extremely upset by the shovelfuls of earth going back into the ground on great-grandma-in-the-box and Shego took them for a walk. Some of the other children joined them as well.

Lunch went on for hours, with old friends and family sharing stories. It was mid-afternoon before distant relatives and neighbors began to drift away and evening before only family remained.

The children had lost interest in the adult conversations long before those who came for the funeral began to leave. Clint's youngest daughter decided it was better to rule in hell than serve in heaven. As the smallest of the 'big kids' she usually felt ignored in games and conversations she didn't really understand. By dropping down and becoming the biggest of the 'little kids' she could pick the games for Kasy and Sheki to play with her. The trio managed a tea party all by themselves, and their cousin became best friend forever to the twins when she promised to give them lessons on riding real horses.

Joss left in the late afternoon, to the disappointment of her mother and father who hoped she would stay a few days. Wade drove Joss and Bego back to the airport. The two women caught a flight back to Boston, and Wade waited in the airport for a flight which would eventually connect him with Middleton. At the airport Joss fought back the urge to ask Wade to come east with them. Joss stared out the plane window into the darkness on the flight east. It didn't feel like home this trip. She hoped it was because of why they were there. But the way her father treated Bego and Wade meant she had to spend her time apologizing and comforting instead of grieving and talking with family. In Boston she and Bego could relax and talk. She needed that. Joss had another need as well. She wanted to get into bed with someone who cared about her and spend the night making love. She wanted to wake up in his arms the next morning and have him tell her that he would always be there for her. She wished it could be Wade, and wondered for the thousandth time what was wrong. If he were unwilling to make love to her she could find someone who would. She wanted Wade, but he seemed scared. There were guys at school who would be more than happy to get her in bed, but she wasn't interested in them. She had to figure out Wade's problem and help him work through it.

Jim and Tim planned to return to Middleton the next day. Shego had wanted to return with Wade, but Kim insisted on staying longer and wanted the green woman there with her.

The reading of the will was scheduled in three days, and James and Faith planned to stay for it. They knew what the will said; their mother had made no secret of it. But they were supposed to be there for the reading and there were other items of business to take care of. Slim had 'inherited' the ranch in practice years earlier, as the one who wanted it. The majority of the estate, apart from the land, would be divided primarily between Faith and James - but the ranch had the greatest value. Some specific items, such as jewelry - often with more sentimental value than monetary value - had been given as bequests to Nana's daughters and son-in-law, with other gifts going to grandchildren and great-grandchildren. But there were other keepsakes, old pictures, and piles of old papers to go through. Deciding who wanted what, and what would be thrown out, would take the three days until the will was read.

Slim's two sons and their families stayed, as did Kim and her family. The twins were ecstatic at the idea of horseback riding. Shego considered gnawing off her own leg in order to escape, but the promise of a couple long horseback rides with Kim and Kim's solemn vow to do _anything_ to make it up to her once they got back to Middleton kept Shego there. Fortunately Shego had brought along some law books for research. And even more fortunately with Joss and Bego gone they were able to move back into the house.

The morning after the funeral Kim and Shego watched the twins get a riding lesson from their surprisingly competent young cousin. Uncle Slim managed to be ruder than usual at lunch and in the afternoon Kim and Shego packed up leftovers from the day before and rode out to have a picnic before coming home.

Kim didn't even try and defend her uncle as the two sat and watched some antelope before heading back to the ranch. She let Shego vent her anger, occasionally nodding or giving verbal agreement.

"And when we get home," Shego threatened, "you'll be taking me out for a nice dinner before your 'do anything for me' promise. Hell, another day like this and you owe me two!"

"Is that two dinners or two nights when I do anything you want?"

"I'm not kidding, Pumpkin. I'll make you put on a harem-girl costume and peel grapes for me and then strew rose-petals on the bed."

Kim smiled, "Okay, but I think we'd better let the twins sleep over at Jessica's or at mom and dad's that night."

Kim helped around the house the next day, and Shego took a law book out to the barn. She and Kim had noticed an old chair up in the hayloft and the green woman planned to read where she would not be disturbed. She and Kim took a break in the afternoon to watch another riding lesson for Sheki and Kasy.

"I'm going nuts out here," Shego confided to Kim as they watched the twins and their cousin ride around in the corral. "At least we get to go home tomorrow after the will, right?"

"Uh, I forgot to mention, but the lawyer called around noon. Little family emergency, he put the will off for one more day."

"He what? And you plan to stay out here another day?"

"I promised dad. Please, I want to be here for him."

"How about I go back tomorrow? I can take the girls with me. This place is worse than prison."

Their whispered exchange was interrupted by Sheki yelling, "Mommy! Eemah! Look at me!"

"Girls," Shego called, "I'm thinking about going home tomorrow. Want to come with me?"

"No," both twins shouted. Kasy added, "We're having fun. Can we stay, please?"

"Great, my own kids are turning against me," Shego grumbled. "Looks like one more day in hell."

"You know they aren't turning against you. They're just having fun. Think of this like the vacation you're always talking about."

"Princess, I need to explain vacation to you. Lying on the beach is vacation. A tour of the wine growing areas of Italy is vacation. Camping with the girls in the mountains might be a vacation. Staying in the middle of a God-forsaken nowhere at a crowded house with family who hates your guts is _not_ vacation."

Kim put an arm around Shego's shoulder and hugged her partner. "Harem girl, naughty cheerleader, anything you want when we get home, I promise," she whispered in Shego's ear. Then she gave the green woman a long kiss.

Slim had been looking out the window, watching his youngest grandchild give the riding lesson. He purpled with anger when he saw the two women kiss, how dare they do that in front of his granddaughter!

Shego headed out for the barn with her law books right after breakfast the next day. All she wanted was to be left alone. At the moment she was pretty much irritated with the entire Possible family, with the possible exception of her daughters - and they were enjoying the ranch more than Shego thought they should. Solitary time might not improve her mood - but it would keep it from getting any worse, or at the very least spare anyone from becoming the target of her rage.

The door to the haymow was open and Shego stood for a minute looking out over plains and fields. The opening was on the side of the barn opposite the house and the view was peaceful. Whoever had left the old wooden chair up here probably came up from time to time to stare out like she was doing now. Feeling slightly calmer she sat down, leaned back, put her feet up on a bale of hay, and cracked open a law book. She enjoyed almost two hours of peace.

Shego put a finger down in the law book and looked up, she strained her ears and listened for other noises. It appeared she was not alone in the barn. Still, it was a large barn and there were probably a number of chores that needed to be done. Whoever had just come in would probably not disturb her peace up in the hayloft.

Her best-case scenario proved wrong when she heard someone climbing the ladder to her hiding place. It rapidly transformed into a worst-case scenario as a tall man with a Stetson and moustache climbed into view. Worst case scenario for both of them, apparently.

"What the hell you doing up here?"

"I'm up here to get away from the dumb redneck who owns this spread."

"I ain't no dumb redneck."

"I will assume your objection lies completely with the term 'dumb'. And I don't care what sort of degree you have in cyber-robotics, the way you treat family marks you as one dumb redneck."

"And I'm sure as hell not counting you as family."

"I'm not asking you to. You're the one person I'd gladly ignore on the Possible family tree."

"Look, I came up here to be alone."

"Yeah, why I was here too. Good spot for it until you showed up."

"Will you get your green ass the hell out of my barn?"

"If it means getting away from you, I'll be glad to. Nice to see that Western hospitality shining through."

"Western hospitality doesn't extend to Goddamned thieves."

"You're living in the past. I'm not a Goddamned thief anymore. I'm a Goddamned lawyer."

"Same Goddamned difference… What do I owe you for doing the paperwork to bring mom home? I'll write you a check. I don't want to owe you nothing."

"That's owe me anything. And you don't. I wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire. I did that for your brother and Kim. Maybe your sister too - she's not bad. Pity she and James had to end up with a jerk for a brother."

"I'm a fair man. I pay my way. You did work for me, just let me--"

"You're not listening," Shego screamed. "I didn't do it for you. You try giving me money and you don't even want to think about where I'll shove it. I don't know how something like you managed to produce a daughter like Joss. I figured all your kids would be drooling morons."

"You leave my kids out of this."

"Clean your ears, I just said Joss was a normal human being - she rose above your parenting skills."

"She _was_ normal is right. Never should have let her go to school in Middleton. She didn't even stay after the funeral, ran back to Boston like family doesn't matter. Probably you and Kim who messed her up - got her dating that boy and calling that metal thing sister."

Shego shook her head in disbelieve, "Shit, that is so stupid on so many levels I don't even know where to start… What in the hell is your problem with Bego? You make robots, for God's sake."

"That's it exactly! Why is everyone too dumb to see that? I know what a robot is. It's not a person; it's a thing - a tool. A robot don't do nothin' but what you program it to do. I build robots. I'm proud as hell of Tornado and some of the other things I've built. But I know damn well it's not a real horse. It doesn't do a damn thing except what I've told it to do. I don't know if it was your old crooked boss or that boy who's got Joss bamboozled. If Joss came home and she had a new sister - a ninety-six Chevy pickup. No, one of your little green kids comes home and tells you that her Walkman is her sister, what do you say. You welcome it?"

Shego fought back the urge to punch him on general principles, or tell him that most people under thirty didn't even know what a Walkman was. "You ever actually try talking to Bego?"

He snorted in derision. "Don't need to. I know what I know."

"Dumber than a post. It's Bego I feel sorry for. She isn't programmed. She's got a full set of Joss's memories up until the day she came to life. And she loves you, just as much as Joss does. In her heart you're her father and you treat her like dirt."

"She ain't got a heart. And I treat her like I would any other tool. Someone had to program her. Don't know how they faked so many of Joss's memories--"

"They're not fake. The only programming she has is the life Joss lived. Every memory, everything that happened up to the point a copy of her mind went into the robot shell, is as real to Bego as it is to Joss."

"So, you know much about robotics?"

"No."

"I won't tell you about the law and you don't tell me about robots."

Shego fought the urge to hit him, and hoped a change in subject might help. "And why in the hell do you call Wade boy?"

"Thought he was one. Far as I know people come in two flavors - boy and girl. Course, I don't know where you and Kim fit in there - does one of you play boy?"

"Wade is a man. Boy is an insult to African-Americans."

"Look, I got nothing against coloreds. I--"

"Coloreds?" Shego screamed at him, "Coloreds? What decade are you living in?"

"Take that up with the NAACP. When I was growing up that was the nice thing to call them. I got nothing against 'em. Had some in the research lab before I came back to the ranch. I ate with 'em in the cafeteria - all seemed like nice folk. They deserve civil rights and all. But--"

"But you don't want your little girl to date one," Shego spat. She noticed green plasma glowing around her hands. "I'm not through with you," she growled, picking up her law books and heading for the ladder. "But if I have to listen to you for another two minutes there's liable to be another funeral before your brother and sister go home."

* * *

With the return of the hearse Kim and Shego didn't have a vehicle of their own at the ranch, so Shego borrowed the keys to James and Anne's car after supper.

"Where you going?" Kim asked when Shego told her privately that she was going.

"To find a bar."

"Want me to come with you?"

"No."

"Let me rephrase that. I'm coming with you. You need a designated driver."

"Let me repeat that, no. I want some time away from Possibles. I'm not planning to get drunk, I'll have a couple drinks and won't drive unless I'm safe."

"Yeah, but if you're drunk you won't know if you're safe or not."

"Kim. I need to be away from family for a couple hours. I'm an adult. I know my limits and I'm not even coming close to them. I just need to get away from here."

"You still love me," Kim asked in a slightly teasing tone.

"I still love you," Shego sighed, "but I need a break before I kill your uncle. I--"

"Hush," Kim said, and took the older woman in her arms. "I love you. If you think you need a driver, call. I'll be there for you. I don't know if driving drunk would violate your probation--"

"Probably."

"I don't want to be without you."

"And when I cool down I don't want to be without you. But I'm getting angry. And you don't want to see me when I'm angry."

Kim laughed and gave Shego a kiss, and the green woman headed for the nearest town.

Parts of Montana have been 'discovered' by tourists and boast trendy boutiques and over-priced coffee - the accouterments of civilization. The citizens of Montana have mixed feelings towards the outsiders: some regard them as poseurs and trouble while others appreciate the fame and money they bring to the state. But there was nothing for tourists to discover in a hundred mile radius of the Possible ranch. Shego figured she could probably search the whole town for a bar in ten minutes, but saw a local and rolled down the window, "Where can you get a drink around here?"

"Try The Spot."

"Which spot?"

He pointed, "Go a block north at the corner, then four blocks west."

"Thanks," Shego shouted without meaning it, _"He could have at least told me the name of the place."_

_"Well, at least I said thanks,"_ Shego told herself after traveling one block north and four west. A large, black circle had been crudely painted on the side of an old building, and someone with no apparent skills in lettering had painted 'The Spot' on the black circle in white paint.

The inside was as tacky as the outside promised. The blackboard behind the bar featured a variety of deep-fried items she preferred not to think about, including Rocky Mountain oysters. She picked up a Corona at the bar and found a small booth squeezed uncomfortably in a corner near the pool tables - perfect for a couple needing an excuse to be close or a person wanting to remain alone - and slid in. By force of habit she faced to door to watch who came in. She sipped her cold one slowly, listening to the arguments from the three pool tables behind her and the debate in the next booth over a better method to determine college football's number one team for a season.

It was not how she would have preferred to spend her evening, but at least she was away from all possible Possibles. That is, she was away from all Possibles until she started her second Corona and the door opened and Slim Possible came in with his two sons


	15. A Funeral in the Family, part 3

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns the various characters from the Kim Possible series.

**A Funeral in the Family – part 3**

The sheriff was not in a happy mood. The number involved in the fight had caused the deputy to give him a call. Now he was taking a statement from the only person standing when the deputies went in. He didn't know the woman, but the embossed business card she slid across his desk indicated she was a lawyer. He did not need some fancy lawyer trying to bust his ass and resolved to be careful in his questioning.

Shego was not in a happy mood. There was a level on which the fight felt good, but she was a felon on probation and any kind of charge would probably get her tossed in prison. She did not need some hick sheriff busting her ass and resolved to be polite with her answers.

The sheriff peered at the name on the card, Sharon O'Ceallaigh, and thought, _"Damn!"_ "Uh, how do you pronounce your last name?"

"It's pronounced like O'Kelly. It's the old Irish spelling."

The sheriff drew a sigh of relief, "All right, Ms. O'Ceallaigh… Did I see you out at Slim's ranch the other day for the funeral?"

"Guilty as charged, your honor," she laughed nervously and wished she had just said yes.

"Care to tell me your story about what happened tonight?"

"Well, I came into town for a drink, and--"

"Come in with the Possibles?"

She was tempted to say, "You couldn't pay me enough to put up with that idiot," but was afraid Slim and the sheriff might be friends. "No, came in alone. I'm finding family time out the ranch a bit claustrophobic."

"Sorry to interrupt."

"Okay. Well, as you know, there weren't a lot of choices on where to get a drink." She mentally kicked herself, _"Don't make fun of his town, he'll lock the cell and throw away the key."_ "Slim and his sons got there… maybe forty minutes after I arrived?"

"Did they sit with you?"

"Slim and I don't exactly get along. They were as far away from me as the room allowed."

"So, what exactly started the fight?"

Shego hesitated, "Well, some drunk with a sleeveless plaid shirt and bad teeth mistook me for a professional woman - and wanted my services. I--"

"Acne scars?"

"Yeah."

Sheriff shook his head sadly, "Luke, village idiot."

Shego refrained from saying there seemed to be a lot of competition for the role. "Anyway, Slim's son, John, saw what was happening and came over to tell him to leave me alone."

"JW was always the gentleman."

"Yeah, well I didn't need his help. I can take care of myself."

"That's what Fatty and Sue said."

"Fatty and Sue?"

"Bartender and the waitress. They were hiding behind the bar for most of the fight. You haven't said anything so far that differs from their version."

_"Great, eyewitnesses. Got to be careful and not embroider the story too much." _ "Then… You said his name was Luke?" The sheriff nodded yes. "He took a poke at John, and John--"

"Hold on," the sheriff interrupted, "that's important. You're sure that Luke swung first, and not JW?"

Shego concentrated for a second, "Absolutely positive."

The sheriff smiled and nodded, "That fits what Sue claimed, and Luke's character. Go on."

"Well, a couple guys seemed to think they needed to come to Luke's aid. Then Clint came in to back up John, and then a handful of people seemed to think there was a general fight in progress. I saw some of the smarter folk heading for the door at that point."

"Why didn't you leave?"

"Well, the fighting all seemed to be between me and the door so that didn't appear to be practical."

"And you--"

They were interrupted by a man with a medical bag entering the office with one of the drunks from the fight.

"Sorry," the doctor apologized, "but I want to take him down to the clinic. I think he's got three busted fingers and I need an x-ray."

"The boys in the back?" the sheriff asked.

The physician thought for a minute. "Sixteen stitches total on three of them. Gonna be some aching heads and bruises tomorrow."

The lawman addressed the drunk, "Know how your fingers got broken?"

"Nope. I went down early… Maybe somebody stepped on me."

The sheriff waved the doctor out of his office, muttered, "Damn idiot," at the back of the departing drunk, and turned back to Shego. "I hear tell you ended up in the fight yourself."

"Well, I'm not a fan of Slim or his boys, but John tries to be decent. Didn't seem fair to let the fight be lop-sided.

Sheriff chuckled, "Slim wouldn't have needed any help years ago. I remember one time he and I… Never mind. Fatty says you're quite the fighter."

I… uh, used to be a professional bodyguard. I'm a master at a couple forms of martial arts."

The man raised an eyebrow, "Glad you didn't hurt anyone too bad. Sue said you and Clint were the only two on your feet at the end of the fight. When the deputies got there you were the only one standing."

"Moron took a swing at me. Guess he blamed me for the fight getting started or something. I don't like having anyone trying to punch me. I decked him."

The sheriff shook his head sadly, "JW got all the manners. Clint always let his temper get the better of him. Boy needs to get into anger management. He may have been mad at you or at the world just then - or maybe just wanted to be declared the winner."

"Like I said, a moron."

There was one potential problem left, "Um, you going to file a complaint against anyone?"

"And come back here and have to testify? Nothing against your town, but I'll be glad to get home."

The lawman smiled, "No offense taken, makes my job easier."

Shego looked slightly nervous. "Will I need to come back for a trial anyway?"

"Nah, not if you're not going to press any charges. Fatty'll figure up the damages and the boys will pony it up among them. Happens two, three times a year. You want the bill for a new blouse on that?"

The green woman breathed a sigh of relief. "No, I'm just glad it's over with no charges. Can you tell me why they call him Fatty?"

He shrugged, "Hell if I know. That's all I've heard him called. Maybe he was an overweight kid. Maybe he ate the fat on meat. Maybe he was a skinny kid and they hung a reverse nickname on him. I got no idea."

"Not that I'm haven't enjoyed our conversation, but am I free to go?"

"Absolutely. You okay to drive?"

"Yeah. You can give me a breath test if you want."

"I'll trust you. Want to take the Possibles home?"

Shego chuckled, "No way, they… Maybe John. I'd rather he try to explain what happened. He'll say it wasn't my fault."

The sheriff shouted to a deputy, "Get JW out of the cell, he's leaving." He extended a hand to Shego, who shook it. "There are some good folk around here, you just didn't choose the best place to meet them."

"Hey, I just wanted to have a little too much to drink and forget about the family I'm staying with. Didn't have much luck with that."

* * *

John, with a better sense of the roads, drove back to the ranch. After driving silently for several miles he commented. "Thanks."

"No problem."

It was another five miles before another word was said. "He's probably a better man than you realize."

"Who?"

"My dad."

"Well, I hope he's not as bad as I think he is."

"I suspect you're a lot better person than he thinks too. He's just set in his ways, kinda rigid. But you've got to admire his honesty."

"Rigid doesn't begin to cover it. And I don't have to admire… Okay, he always says what's on his mind. I'll give you that."

John grinned, "You'd rather he lied politely to your face?"

Shego chuckled slightly, "Your old man can take a virtue to the level of vice."

They lapsed back into silence until they reached the ranch.

John assured everyone that Slim and Clint were fine and gave his version of the fight, with Shego adding occasional comments and continuing the story after three guys took John down.

* * *

"So what really happened," Kim asked as she and Shego got into bed.

"You heard John."

"I want the real story."

"You calling your cousin a liar?"

"I'm just wondering if there are parts that got left out. Things you know that he doesn't. And why is he here and Uncle Slim and Clint still locked up?"

"The sheriff released John to me. I wanted someone to testify that it wasn't my fault. I could have asked for the other two - but I really didn't feel like it. I'm hoping your uncle wakes up in the drunk tank tomorrow and finds he's been spooned by some big guy they call Bubba."

"Shego!" Kim hissed. "That's evil."

"What? You spent the first three years we were together telling me to be more honest - now you want me to lie to you? I'm trying to take a lesson from your uncle - say exactly what's on my mind."

"That's just wrong."

"Wrong? Do you remember the name of the man who kicked us out of the house the night we got here?"

"You're as bad as he is," Kim answered.

"No, I'm not. But right now I'm dead tired," the green woman responded, pulling Kim close and spooning her. "We can argue about it later. Did you get a flight arranged for tomorrow afternoon?"

"Yeah," Kim yawned. "Wild sex tomorrow when we get home?"

"Nope, we'll both be too tired and cranky. I want us both rested and in a good mood when you give me the first of my two nights when you'll do anything."

"Evil," Kim murmured drowsily as she drifted off to sleep, "definitely evil."

She felt Shego's lips press against the back of her head, "You knew I was evil when you fell in love with me," the ex-thief reminded her.

* * *

Slim managed to find Shego alone before the Middleton Possibles headed home. "Want to talk with you for a minute," he told her.

"I didn't have to get you out of jail yesterday."

"I know that, I've got no complaints… I…"

"You what?"

"Look, you know I don't like you. I know you don't like me. Just wanted to say thanks for giving a hand to Clint and JW last night."

"No problem. John thought he was defending me, felt like I owed him something."

"Yeah, well, thanks."

"Clint has a glass jaw."

"Yeah," Slim chuckled. "Joss knocked him out one time when she was seven and he was eighteen. Always bothers him, makes him wild - he figures the best defense for that is a good offense. He just keeps swinging as long as anything's moving."

"He took a poke at me last night. I flattened him."

Slim shook his head, "Sorry 'bout that. I always told him not to hit a lady. Or a lawyer. You're one of those at least. Anyways, I figure I owe you one now."

"No, you don't owe me a thing. Kim would have never let me hear the end of it if I'd just stood there. Besides, O'Ceallaighs stand by family."

"I don't count you as family."

"Not sure I count you either. I did it for Kim and your brother. I didn't want to disappoint them."

"Well, you helped, and I pay my debts. I owe you one. Don't know how--"

"Will you answer a question?"

"Huh?"

"Answer one question, I'll call us even."

Slim looked suspicious, "What's the question?"

"It's really none of my business, but there're so many years between Joss and Clint. I've sort of figured she's an accident."

The rancher actually smiled, "Best accident Becky and I ever had."

"Like you said, I don't like you. But I've got some good advice for you. Try to get along better with Wade. He and Joss could end up together."

"I don't need your advice."

"I'm giving it for the sake of Joss. She loves you and doesn't want to fight you."

"Well, there's no way those two will get hitched."

"You seem pretty damn sure," Shego snapped, starting to feel her anger rising.

"Possibles keep their words. At least that's how we used to be raised. Don't know if--"

"Don't say a word against Kim or her dad," Shego threatened.

"So, you've seen the way we keep our word?" Shego nodded. "Well, 'fore Joss left for Middleton she promised me she wouldn't--"

"Wait, you made her swear some stupid promise when she was, like, sixteen - and you would hold her to it now?"

"Sure will."

"If you haven't noticed, she's, like, free, white, and over twenty-one. She can do what she damn well pleases."

"She won't. We keep our word."

Shego spun on her heel and left before she punched Slim.

* * *

Once in Middleton the family went by the Stoppables to retrieve Smaug. "Any problems?" Kim asked as Rachel returned the box of antidote.

"None. He didn't give Hana any problems. He was a perfectly behaved little… whatever."

They hit a drive-through on the way home, since no one felt like cooking and the twins were suffering withdrawal from their time away from French fries.

"Get a good night's sleep," Kim warned Shego as they got into bed, "tomorrow night you're mine."

"I thought we would wait for--"

"Hush, I promised you a couple special nights, and you'll get them. But you never said we had to wait until you redeemed your first coupon for a wild night, did you?"

"No," Shego admitted.

"Oh, is the problem you don't want us making love?"

"No."

"Then what's the problem?"

Shego grinned, "Well, if you're going to put it that way, no problem at all."

Kim pulled Shego close, "Thanks, I know it was hard for you, but I really needed you there with me."

Shego yawned, "No problem. Your grandma was quite the woman, wasn't she?"

"Sure was."

"Wish I could have met Faith's kids. Your aunt is a hoot. You and Joss do your grandma proud."

"Joss is a good kid."

"Young woman now. Almost through college. She's going to have trouble with her dad. Neither one likes to compromise… One of them is going to end up hurt, maybe both of them."

* * *

Joss had trouble sleeping in Boston. She needed to do something about Wade, and she couldn't figure out what. She suspected the reason for his reluctance. And wondered how to help him through it. An idea came to mind. She wasn't sure if it was brilliant - or terrible. She also wished she knew something about psychology. Maybe this would help him through his hesitation. Maybe he'd never want to talk to her again. She almost got out of bed to talk with Bego. Since the blue girl never slept she was out typing a research paper for her modern philosophy class. Joss decided to wait. If it seemed like a good idea in the morning she would talk with Bego. At least she had an idea and could get to sleep. She dozed off wondering where she could buy the rope she would need.


	16. All's Fair in Love, part 1

Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns all the characters from Kim Possible.

**All's Fair in Love – part 1 - Joss vs. Wade**

Joss and Bego sat cross-legged on the bed and talked.

The blue girl shook her head, "I don't know… Aren't you worried that could mess things up even more than they already are?"

"Yeah," Joss admitted, "but I got to try somethin'."

Bego sighed, then burst into laughter and lost her train of thought. "Did you see that?" she demanded.

"See what… You sighed!" She gave her metal sister a high five. "Callin' Viv to say it worked?"

"You bet… Wait, we were talking about you and Wade and your crazy plan."

"You really think it's crazy?"

Bego hesitated for a minute, then shrugged. "Yeah. I think it is. But you probably need something crazy. You said he's seeing a therapist? Maybe you should both go."

"He's comin' out this weekend. Can you be gone Friday night?"

"You're going through with it?"

Joss nodded.

Bego hugged her sister. "I really hope it works. For both of you."

"Thanks," Joss responded, patting the robot girl on the back.

Dinner at some restaurant on Harvard Square had become a ritual for Joss and Wade. His almost photographic memory reminded them where they'd been as they tried to eat their way through the Square, and where they wanted to eat again.

"Want to walk around the Square?" he asked as they left the restaurant.

"Nope, we're goin' back to my place."

As Joss turned the key to let them into the apartment Wade asked, "Bego home?"

"She's out for the night, _the whole night_." She said it emphatically, to impress that fact on Wade's mind.

"Sit on the couch," she told him as she locked the door behind them. "We need to talk."

Since they had started dating again she would normally have sat on his lap and they would have done more kissing and cuddling than talking. Tonight she sat on the chair beside the couch and stared, wondering if there was any good way to begin.

After a long silence he asked, "Well? You said we need to talk." He was desperately afraid she was about to dump him.

She couldn't find a good way to start the conversation, and plunged ahead, "I've been practically throwin' myself at you the last few months. What's wrong? Don't you want me?"

"No…"

"No what? No, you don't want me, or no you do want me?"

"I want you."

"Then what's the problem?"

Wade leaned his head back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. He'd known this conversation would come. He talked about it with his psychologist. He didn't want to talk about it with Joss. He had hoped to work through the problem without saying a word to her. What would he tell her now?

Joss broke the silence. "I reckon there are a couple problems between us, and it has to do with our history."

He nodded in agreement.

"That night," she began. She referred to it as that night. They both knew exactly what night she was talking about. "I backed out. I said we were goin' to make love, and I backed out and said, 'no'. Are you afraid I'm goin' to back out again?"

Glad to have an easy answer Wade agreed, "Yeah, that's part of it."

Encouraged Joss plunged ahead, maybe her idea wasn't completely crazy. Maybe her plan was just what they needed. "You… You really lost it that night… You hurt me. Are you afraid you might lose it again? Are you afraid you might hurt me again?"

She could see tears filling his eyes as he answered, "Yeah, that's a part of it too."

Joss felt a moment of triumph. This was going to work. This was exactly what he needed. Before she could say a word, however, fear hit her like a blow to the stomach. "Wade… You said the fear I'd back out was part of the problem. You said the fear you'd lose it was part of the problem… Are those two parts the whole problem, or is there more you aren't tellin' me?"

There was a long pause before he answered, "There's more."

There was another long pause before she asked, "You goin' to tell me?"

"I'd rather not."

"Wade, you have to tell me. I can't take this. I want someone to love me. If it's not you I'm liable to go lookin' for someone who will."

"I think that's the problem."

Her brow wrinkled, "I got no idea what you mean."

"I mean the guys you… The guys you slept with when you came out here. I mean, maybe there's a level that it wasn't my business. We weren't dating. We were barely speaking… I… It just tears me up. Jealousy, anger, I don't know what it is. I… I'm trying to talk with my psychologist about it."

Joss had not expected that. Maybe her idea was exactly the wrong thing to do. But it also felt like an attack. "You're right," she told him bitterly. "It isn't your business."

"I didn't say it was," he reminded her.

"Yeah, but you also said it makes you think I'm too dirty for you to touch."

"And I never said that at all."

"You said the same thing."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"I said I wasn't sure what my problem was. Maybe I'm jealous of them. Maybe I'm angry with them. Maybe I'm angry with you. Maybe I'm angry with me for ruining what I had with you."

The conversation was turning more complicated than Joss wanted to deal with, and she still felt defensive. "I think I needed that."

"You needed to hurt me for what I did to you?"

"I didn't say that… Wade, you know that old sayin' about someone just fallin' off the turnip truck?"

Of course he did, but he nodded anyway to agree with her.

"When I got to Middleton I was fresh off the turnip truck. Never been out on a date with anyone, never kissed anyone… Not for real. If you and I had just kept on datin' I'd have always wondered if we were right for each other, or if'n I'd dated more I might'a found someone I liked more."

"So, you were comparison shopping," he observed sarcastically.

"It's not like that," she snapped. "You're the one I want to be with. And you won't touch me. How do you think that makes me feel?"

There was another pause before he admitted, "I don't know."

"Maybe I should go see the psychologist with you."

"Maybe… It might help."

"Wade, I've got to accept that night happened. But I want us to go on. I'm not goin' to let that one night break us up. I--"

"You had more than one night," he told her bitterly.

She almost slapped him. "It's not your business! Not any more. Not ever. I'm tellin' you I'm puttin' the past behind. I want us to have a future. If you want us to have a future you have to put the past behind too." Joss tensed in fear. What if he walked out now? She should have never brought it up. He said he was talking with his therapist. She should have just given him more time. Her idea was crazy.

"I'm sorry. Intellectually, I know you're right. But it's still tearing me apart inside. I want to make love to you, I just--"

"You really want us to make love?"

"Yes. I just--"

She was going ahead. She had to. She had to know if he was afraid to touch her or not. "Go into the bedroom, now."

"Joss, I--"

"Bedroom, now," she ordered.

"Take off your clothes, and lie down on the bed," she told him as she pushed the door to her bedroom open.

"Take off my clothes?"

"You heard me."

Lying on top of the bed were several lengths of cotton rope. The bitterness returned to his voice, "You entertain this way often?"

"Damn it, Wade, I've never had to do this before. I've never had to tie to boy down to make him love me." She stomped over to the wastebasket and pulled out the plastic wrap that had been around the rope when she purchased it at the hardware shop. She shoved the wrap in his face, "Brand new, just for you."

Wade panicked slightly. Was this some kind of twisted revenge for what he'd done to her?

"What are you going to--"

"Take off your clothes," she repeated. "Lie down on the bed. I'm tyin' you down."

"I'm not a big fan of being tied down," he reminded her nervously, "especially tied down naked."

Joss kicked herself mentally, how could she have forgotten Innsmouth? "I'm not a squid," she pointed out. "Don't worry about me eatin' you. I'm goin' to leave you feelin' better than you've ever felt in your life."

"I don't think I want--"

"You said one of your worries was losin' control, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, if'n you're tied down you can't lose control. The control is out of your hands. You can't hurt me."

"But what if--"

"And you don't have to worry about me backin' out. Anythin' that's about to happen… Everythin' that's about to happen, is happenin' because I want it too."

"This isn't revenge?"

"No revenge."

"You'll untie me afterwards?"

"I'll untie you as soon as I'm done." She kissed him, "I love you. Now, take off your clothes."

It felt surreal to undress while she stood and watched him, and slightly scary as she tied him down. "That's not too tight, is it?"

"It's okay."

"I'm not tryin' to hurt you. When I had this idea I just didn't want you to worry about me backin' out or you hurtin' me. I wanted you to know I just want for us to make love, to do it right."

There was a little tone of amusement in his voice as he asked, "And this is the right way to make love?"

"Well, probably not," she admitted. "I'm hopin' that when you realize how much I want us to be together, how much I want us to make love, that I won't be needin' the ropes again."

After tying Wade down on the bed Joss took off her clothes and laid down beside him. She propped herself up on one elbow and looked down at him. "Still nervous?" she asked, smiling at him.

"A little," he admitted.

She kissed him, and gently ran her fingers over his chest while exploring his mouth with her tongue. "Still nervous?" she asked again at the end of the kiss.

"Not quite as much now," he grinned.

Joss kissed him again. The kiss lasted a long time, with Joss's hand roaming over his body. Then her kisses began to get lower, kissing him on the neck, the chest, the stomach, and working still lower.

After several minutes Joss complained, "Dang it, Wade, you're thinkin' about somethin' else. What is it?"

"I don't--"

"Tell me!"

"I'm wondering who taught that to you. How often you've done it."

She changed position and let him suck on a breast. "Don't think about it," she told him. "Don't think about anythin' but the fact we're here now." One hand continued to check for his level of distraction. She shifted, and gave him the other breast, "A little harder," she panted, "you're doin' great."

She began kissing down his body again. She had done a very good job of draining all the blood from his brain. Wade's eyes were closed and he was moaning softly when she rolled over and began looking for something on the nightstand.

He opened his eyes, looking slightly dazed, "Wha?"

"A raincoat for Mr. Happy," she explained, pulling it out of the little package and putting it on him. After finishing with the protection she smiled at him, "Wade, I'm doin' this because I want to do this. I'm not backin' out tonight. This is my idea. But I'll stop if you want me to. Do you want this too?"

"Don't stop."

She kissed him quickly, "That's what I wanted to hear," and threw a leg over him. She tried to guide him and position herself, but it wasn't as easy as she thought it would be. "Dang it, should have called Justine and asked how she does it."

"I think Felix gets to use his hands."

"Well after tonight you can too… I think I've got it."

It took her a couple minutes to get the motion and rhythm the way she wanted.

All Wade could do was lie there and stare up at her as Joss rocked back and forth on top of him. Her eyes were closed and she smiled broadly. After several minutes Joss began to moan herself. The rocking motion became faster, and she ground herself against him.

Fifteen minutes later Joss fell forward on top of him, panting for breath and kissing him between breaths. "Is Mr. Happy happy?" she giggled when she could finally talk.

"Oh yeah… Are you happy?"

"I was happy twice," she laughed.

"So, you'll untie me now?"

She gave him a fast kiss, "You weren't listenin' to the fine print, were you?"

"You promised to untie me after we were done."

"I promised to untie you after_ I_ was done. Not sure I'm yet." She kissed him again. "Please?"

"I don't know if--"

"Can I try?"

Sometime later Joss panted, "Give me a minute to catch my breath." After a minute she untied his arms and flopped down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "You'll need to untie your own legs. You can have the bathroom first - goin' to take me a minute before I can stagger in."

She was still staring up at the ceiling when he came out a few minutes later.

"Your turn," he told her.

"Thanks," she answered, rolling off the bed.

When she got back Wade was putting on his pants. "What do you think you're doin', Mister. Goin' back to the wife?"

"No, I just thought I'd spend the night at--"

"You think too much, Wade. Take the pants back off and get into bed and no one gets hurt. You're goin' to hold me all night long. And tomorrow you're goin' to show me what you can do without both hands tied behind your back."

She closed her eyes as they lay in the darkness. It felt good to be in his arms, to know he'd be there in the morning.

"Marry me," he whispered.

"You got the order wrong. You're supposed to ask me that so you can get in bed with me." She felt the arm around her start to pull away. She grabbed his arm, and kept it on her. "It was the wrong thing to say, wasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"I was jus' tryin' to be funny. I hoped… I guess I hoped this solved everythin'."

"It doesn't."

"No, I guess it doesn't," she admitted. "But I figure it's a good start." She turned her head and kissed him. "I love you."

He held her in his arms, "I love you too."

* * *

Morning light illuminated the room as she lay on top of him, almost purring.

"I like it better when I can move my arms."

"I like you both ways… Heck, you're more fun than Tornado."

"Tornado? Wasn't he your robot horse?"

"I used to love to ride him. Had a saddle with a big ol' saddle horn I could rub up against, and there was a canter speed that I just loved. Don't think daddy ever figured out why I liked to ride around the ranch so much. You're a lot more fun."

"I should hope so."

"Hey, if you knew how much fun I used to have out ridin' you'd be right flattered by the comparison."

"Okay, I feel flattered."

"Good. Can I call you my black Tornado?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Not where anyone else can hear you," Wade sighed. "And you never tie me down again."

"Never?" she pouted. "That was fun."

"The squid thing, remember."

"Maybe that was therapy for that too."

"I don't think that was therapy…" Wade fell silent.

"You think we need some real therapy?"

"Couldn't hurt. Might do us some good."

"I remember Kim and Shego talked with counselors a couple times when they first got together. Heck, I figure on the surface we've got a better chance of things workin' for us than they did startin' out."

"So you'll marry me?'

"You goin' to keep askin' me to marry you after every time we make love?"

"Only until you say yes."

They were too busy talking to hear the keys in the locks, but they heard the, "Anyone home?" as Bego entered.

Wade quickly pulled the sheets up over them. "In here," Joss called. "I'm in bed with my new Tornado."

"JOSS!" Wade and Bego yelled together. "You weren't going to tell anybody about that!" "You told him about that?"

"You can open the door," Joss called, "we're covered."

"You told him that?" Bego repeated, looking into the bedroom.

"You told me you wouldn't tell anyone else you called me that," Wade reminded her.

Joss answered Wade first, "Bego doesn't count, we're practically the same person. I have to tell her everything." She turned to her metal sister, "He was a lot of fun. He didn't care much for being tied--"

"You told her you were going to do that?" Wade gasped.

"I told you, I have to tell her everything." She turned back to the blue girl, "But he was a lot of fun--"

"At least she didn't yell, 'Yee-ha!'," Wade muttered.

Bego shook her head, "Don't give her ideas."

Joss returned to the topic of conversation, "Seriously, it was great. You want to take him out for a ride?"

"JOSS!" the two yelled at her together as she collapsed into a fit of giggles.

"What did you do to her," Bego demanded.

"I didn't do anything! I swear."

"Well you must have done something, I haven't seen her this happy in years."

"I haven't been this happy in years, and it's all your fault," she told Wade, as she started to tickle him.

Afraid of losing the sheet Wade threw his arms around her and held her tight. Joss didn't seem to mind.

Bego shook her head, "I am going to assume you haven't had breakfast yet."

"No," Joss admitted.

"Why don't you get dressed and eat. I want to hear what's happening."

"He keeps asking me to marry him," Joss blurted out, unwilling to wait until breakfast to spread the news.

"He does?" Bego smiled

"Sure 'nuff. And he does it after we make love. I think he likes me."

"Seems like a reasonable inference. Does he know about--"

"No. I don't think that will be a problem."

"What?" Wade asked, suddenly afraid of the unknown.

"Nothin'."

"What's the problem?" Wade demanded.

"It's not a problem," Joss told him. Wade looked worried.

"We made a little promise to Dad before we went to Middleton to go to school."

Wade looked puzzled, "A promise?"

"I've got to get Dad's permission to get married," Joss explained.

"He was afraid I'd meet someone like Shego and turn gay or something," Bego continued.

"But that's not--"

"Well, he was worried about it."

Wade's brow wrinkled in thought, "So… Do I need to call your father and ask for his daughter's hand in marriage?"

"Nah, I'll call after breakfast," Joss told him. "I'll tell him that the most wonderful man in the world asked me to marry him. And he'll say I can."

_"But what if he doesn't?"_ ran through three minds.

* * *

After breakfast Joss left Wade and Bego in the small living room and went into the bedroom to make the call, "I don't need you two sayin' rude things in the background."

Wade and Bego made small talk while they waited for her return. "You've really gotten over your accent," he told her.

"Thanks, I had it surgically removed." He smiled, and she continued. "Too many people judge more on how you sound than what you know. I've got classes where people with dumb ideas get a hearing because they use large words. Speak poorly and you don't get a hearing at all."

"And Joss--"

"Engineering is easier, in some ways. There's a right answer. Doesn't matter how good you sound if you can't make something work. Besides, I think Joss likes to surprise folks. She keeps the hick sound so not much is expected of her - then knocks their socks off with her brains."

"Actually, I was wondering if you ditched the accent, in part, to make yourself distinct from her."

The blue girl paused. "I don't know. Maybe. I mean, Jim and Tim need to show they're different people. In my mind I still think I'm Joss most of the time. I mean, all our early memories are the same. I think that's why I'm majoring in philosophy. Joss could have gone liberal arts if she wanted. I could have gone science and engineering like she--" Bego paused as the bedroom door opened and dejected looking Joss stomped into the room and flopped down on the couch by Wade. "Not a happy face," her metal sister observed.

"So…" Wade began.

"Dang it! He could'a listened better!"

"What does that mean," Wade asked.

"I hit him with somethin' too new. I reckon Dad doesn't like surprises. I'll keep after him. He has to give in. I love you."

"I love you," Wade told her.

"'Sides, we weren't planning on getting' married right away, were we?"

"Define right away."

"After college."

"I'm done."

"Well, I'm not. I got to graduate first."

"It'll will also give the two of you time to come to your senses," Bego pointed out. "That is, assuming you want to come to your senses."

Wade and Joss looked at each other, "I see no need to second guess asking you to marry me."

"I'm happy."

As the two kissed Bego observed, "I hate to get Jesuitical, but--"

"Time!" Joss called, breaking the kiss, "Jesuitical?"

"Paying more attention to the words of a law than the spirit," Wade explained.

"It was an insult their enemies used against the Jesuits."

"Dang, you two gangin' up on me to make me feel dumb?"

"Of course not," Bego assured her. "You want to talk electronics with Wade and make me feel stupid?"

Joss giggled, "I get your point."

"I was going to mention that we only promised not to get married without Dad's permission. There was no promise against becoming engaged."

"True 'nuff. Wade, want to look at rings?"

"Sure."

Bego shook her head, "I'm sorry I mentioned it. Look, why don't you two just calm down a little. You can pick out rings next week, or next month. It's still more than a year until graduation. You two act like you've been chewing loco weed." She eventually coached them down to earth, but only with the promise she would go with them the next day to start looking at rings.

Wade suggested going out to dinner to celebrate, and Joss told Bego to invite a friend. Bego tended to feel a little self-conscious at meals, because she didn't eat, but had a guy in a Lit class who she wanted to know better and gave him a call.

Wade called his mother, to let him know that he had made a proposal. She spent the rest of the phone call moving erratically between telling him he was too young, and telling him how wonderful it was that he'd found a good woman.

Dinner went well. Wade and Joss actually had calmed down enough to talk with someone besides each other and Bego's friend fit in well.

The couple managed to put off buying a ring for more than a month. Wade wanted her wearing a symbol that proclaimed she was taken. He suspected he was too jealous, but that was the way he felt.

Joss spoke with Slim on the topic at least once a week. Or at least she tried. She had the sense he tuned her out whenever Wade came up, and his answer was always 'no'. She was too young; it could wait.

Bego and Joss spent the first week of winter break in Montana, then went to Middleton. Finding time for the two of them to be alone proved difficult for Wade and Joss. Although they weren't able to spend time alone Joss got to know Wade's parents better. Lipsky and Load held an engagement party for the couple. During the party Wade made an off-hand remark about Joss coming to work there after graduation.

Zita tensed at Wade's statement, but chose not to make a scene at the party. Wade did not make the hiring decisions for Lipsky and Load.

The two did some preliminary work on places to live. The first day they visited a couple farms which had been on the market.

"Are you really set on livin' in the country?" Joss asked.

"Isn't that what you want?"

"Wade, I grew up on a ranch. I know how much work it is. 'Less one of us is goin' to take care of it full-time the answer's no."

They discussed relative merits of building new, and getting exactly what they wanted, or upgrading an existing home. The day before Joss went back to MIT Wade took her to Kim and Shego's neighborhood. They walked around a couple blocks, noticing vacant lots for sale.

"I think we might consider building here."

"Why? I mean, it'd be okay to be close to family, but I don't need it."

Wade pointed towards Middleton U, "The University is expanding in this direction. They just finished buying up the houses on two blocks a couple blocks over. The new Middleton University Science library will be going up there."

"So we'd be…"

"About three blocks away."

Joss laughed, "Don't know which of us is weirder."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're pretty odd, thinkin' you can turn my head by promisin' me a home close to a science library. But I must be pretty odd too - it worked."

They spent the evening talking about what they wanted in a dream house.

Zita read the riot act to Wade after Joss and Bego returned to Boston.

"But we'll be needing another engineer! Business is doing great!"

"We'll hire someone new when we have to, but we're not keeping the job open for Joss."

"She's going to be my wife."

"That doesn't mean she's qualified."

"You don't think she's qualified?"

"I'm not an engineer. I don't know if she is good, bad, or indifferent. But I'm in charge of running this place - and we're not padding payroll to keep you happy."

Wade kept his thoughts to himself. He had to acknowledge Zita had a point. But Joss wasn't padding payroll. They could almost use someone now. Hiring someone now would make it harder to bring Joss on. He sighed, he'd work extra hard and not complain for the next few months - try to downplay the need for someone else until Joss could be considered. The firm needed Joss, and he would not let Zita stand in the way


	17. All's Fair in Love, part 2

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney, totally. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. And cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

See Team Possible II: City in the Sands for background on the alien technology project, which also received mention in The Buck Stops Here.

**All's Fair in Love – part 2 – Joss vs. Slim**

As work on the alien technology project began to speed up Lipsky and Load's need for further workers became evident to everyone, including Zita - who sought to keep overhead down as long as humanly possible. The research workload at Middleton had not picked up dramatically, but either Drakken, Wade, or Tim had to be at the island almost constantly as the research facility there was prepared. The UN had also allowed some conservation groups to conduct their own projects in things such as sustainable agriculture and desalinization on the island. Lipsky and Load had initially opposed the other experiments as a needless distraction from the main project and creating the potential for espionage. Eventually they came to see the conservation groups had helpful ideas about creating and maintaining the sort of facilities the island would need to support.

Jim didn't travel to the island, having received the unenviable task of reviewing the résumés of the countless scientists who wanted in on the ground floor of the new project. While he had been given a half dozen Global Justice assistants for vetting the histories of potential candidates he doubted any method existed to keep spies out of the project and he settled for trying to insure that the men and women being lined up for the island were qualified for the job. Jim desperately wished he knew what qualified anyone to understand ancient technology from an alien race.

A materials lab for the smaller artifacts had been constructed, at UN expense, on the edge of the Lipsky and Load grounds. Wade and Drakken would have both enjoyed being placed in charge, but had too many other things to do. Jim hired the analysts. The UN paid them. Any information discovered would be public domain, but production methods could be patented by Lipsky and Load with the profits being split with Egypt. The lab itself would be turned over to Lipsky and Load at the end of the project.

Lipsky and Load's lawyers found all the paperwork fascinating and profitable. And although Shego did none of the work she received a raise from the firm for bringing in the business.

Wade went to Boston every weekend he could arrange. Joss and Bego flew in to Middleton almost as often. Zita was too protective of the scientists' time to let the men do interviews, but either Joss or Bego was usually happy to oblige some journalist looking for a story on the ship's discovery or the current state of preparation for thorough examination.

Joss and Wade grew adept in finding ways to find 'quality time' alone with each other when she was in Middleton. "Working on house plans," became recognized as a euphemism for "leave us alone."

Slim Possible continued to refuse to accept the idea of Joss marrying Wade.

His refusal began to weigh on Joss. She refused to break her word to her father, but if he hoped she would break up with Wade it was not going to happen.

"Same problem?" Wade asked on one occasion as they actually looked at house plans.

"Yeah," she nodded glumly.

"You don't have to have his permission, you know that."

"I gave my word." For Joss, that settled the matter. It might not hold up in a court of law, but she kept her promises. She sighed, "I dunno… I want us to get married, but I'm willin' to live with you if we can't."

"Not an option."

"Why not?"

"My Momma would kill me."

"We need more options. I won't marry you without Dad's permission. I don't want to wait for him to die--"

"On the bright side, maybe if we get married the shock would kill him."

"Not funny, Wade. I'm willin' to live with you, but your Mom would kill us… Just you or both of us?"

"Probably just me. I think you're safe. Momma likes you. Any other options?"

"Not that I can see."

"We could married secretly and not tell your Dad."

"I'd know I lied. That's not an option."

"Fresh out of ideas then, I'm sorry."

She looked so sad Wade dropped the house plans and simply held her in his arms. "We'll figure something out. We have to. We love each other and we want to get married. We'll find a way."

She laid her head on his shoulder. She loved it when he held her like this. "You really think we'll find a way?"

"I know we will."

As she enjoyed the feel of being in his arms she had an idea. _ "Need to run this by Bego,"_ she told herself. _"This may really be too crazy to work."_

* * *

Wade made it home late from his turn on the island. The conservationists were expanding their proposals again, but it promised a better diet for the scientists and Global Justice agents working there and that sounded good. It would also give them a controlled experiment in whether the field created by the generator created any sorts of reproductive problems for living organisms. The island was out of cell phone coverage, and when he got home he discovered his phone had been left unplugged. He plugged it in and noticed waiting messages. Too tired to listen just then he went to bed. He'd listen to what Joss had to say when he knew he could stay awake.

In the morning Wade went to voice messages. Joss had left a brief, "Call me when you get back."

Wade could not immediately place the voice on the second message. He couldn't remember hearing a voice that angry before in his life. The man's voice literally shook with rage. There was something about, "… bringing Clint with me and we're comin' for you. If'n you don't do right by my daughter, boy, I hope you've made your peace with God."

The message had been recorded yesterday. Slim and Clint could be anywhere. Wade ran to his car and drove at random, wondering what in the world was happening. Should he park on a public street - surely nothing could happen to him if there were witnesses. But if they happened to drive by they could see him. Should he park in some hidden spot where he couldn't be seen? But if they found him parked in a spot like that there would be no witnesses to whatever happened.

He called Joss.

"Wade! I missed you! How was the trip?"

"I got a call from your dad. He's going to kill me."

Joss giggled, "I expected that. What exactly did he say?"

"What do you mean, you expected that?"

"Never mind, what did he say?"

"What do you mean, never mind? He's threatening to kill me!"

"Focus, Wade, focus. I need to know exactly what he said."

"I don't know, something about me making peace with God."

She sighed, "This is important. Did you erase the message?"

"No."

"Play it again, I'll wait."

"What is this--"

"Play the message. I need to know what he said."

Wade retrieved the voice mail.

"Ouch," Joss observed, "I didn't think he'd be that angry. But it's good."

"Your dad is threatening to kill me, and that's good?"

"You're right. It's better than good. It's great!"

Wade didn't know what to do. Apparently there was a strong streak of insanity in the Possible family. He should have suspected it years earlier after some of Kim's stunts. Wade sat in shock until Joss's voice came over the phone again, "Wade, you still there?"

"Yeah… What happened? Why is your Dad trying to kill me?"

"Sort'a what I was expectin' him to do after I told him I was pregnant. I knew--"

Wade's brain shut down. Whatever else Joss said after that failed to register. She was pregnant, and her father was trying to kill him. Maybe he should just let Slim kill him, he deserved it for wrecking Joss's life.

"Wade, you still there?" she had to ask again.

"Yeah, I… I… What am I going to do?"

"Get out here, of course. I'm not sure if they'll be lookin' for you there in Middleton or come out here to Boston."

"See you, yeah, I need to see you," Wade agreed. His Momma might kill him if Slim didn't. He was going to be a father. He wasn't ready to be a father. He probably wouldn't live to see the birth of his child.

Before heading to Lipsky and Load he called the newly installed guard at the front gate. "Anything unusual today? Anyone asking for me?"

"Yeah, couple men in a rented car here early saying they were looking for you, seemed sort of upset."

"One have a moustache?"

"Yeah, you know them?"

Wade let it pass, "What happened?"

"Well, since I wouldn't let them in the lot they parked down the road. I asked one of the Global Justice agents to check on them and they drove off when he headed that way."

"Thanks. I'm not stopping at the gate today. Open it when you see me coming."

"I'm not supposed to open it unless--"

"Open it!"

"Okay, but I don't think the GJ boys are going to like that."

"Sorry. I'll tell them it was my orders. But it's important."

Before starting the car Wade tried to figure out what to do. Slim and Clint might be watching the road, but from which direction? If they were still there… What had Joss said, something about wondering if they'd look for him in Middleton or Boston? He grabbed his laptop. His therapist would not like to hear that he was hacking again, but he had to check airline schedules out of Middleton. A few minutes later he stared at the screen in horror. Slim and Clint had left an hour earlier. They were scheduled for a brief layover in Nashville. He had to get to Boston first.

Wade slammed on the brakes and skidded into his parking spot at Lipsky and Load. He almost forgot to turn the engine off before hopping out and running into the building. He ignored Zita and Tim in his haste.

"How was the--" Tim tried to call.

"What's eating him?" Zita wondered as he disappeared.

"No idea."

"Go find out," the Hispanic woman told him.

Tim caught up with Wade in the hanger, pulling a tarp off one of the old hovercraft.

"What's going--"

"Is this thing ready to fly?"

"I don't know."

Wade cursed. Tim could not remember hearing Wade curse before, at least not like that.

"You know the FAA hasn't approved these, that's why they've been in mothballs."

"I need it. Now!"

"The FAA--"

"I don't care. Can you help me check it out?"

Tim sighed, maybe Wade would tell him something while they worked. Tim got nothing except that Wade needed to be in Boston, fast. Tim thought of several rude things he might have said, and Jim definitely would have said, which could have gotten a laugh on a normal day. The frantic way in which Wade worked said it was not a normal day.

"Is something wrong with Joss?" Tim demanded.

"I don't know." Wade only counted it as a half-lie.

Tim worked harder.

Wade jumped into the driver's seat and fired up the hovercraft was soon as it passed the safety check. "Call Joss," he yelled, "tell her I'm on my way."

Tim wondered if he should have volunteered to go along and pilot. He worried Wade might have an accident on the way.

Wade wondered if he should have asked Tim to fly the craft. He tried to calm down, but it wasn't easy. Given the time it had taken to prepare the hovercraft Slim should land at Logan Airport a good forty minutes before he would arrive. If they rented a car he was in good shape, by the time they wasted doing paperwork for the rental and getting lost for two hours while trying to find Joss's apartment, he could have Joss anywhere. On the other hand, if they took a taxi he was cutting it close. Maybe they'd miss the connection at Nashville. Maybe the connecting flight would be delayed. At least Wade knew from experience that they would likely waste time in a holding pattern over Logan before receiving landing clearance. _"I've got time,"_ he told himself. _"Don't panic. No need to panic."_ He knew he was panicking.

He set the hovercraft down on a lot a block from the apartment and ran for it. Bego and Joss sat on the steps, laughing and chatting as he arrived. There was a small bag on the ground at the foot of the steps.

"Glad you made it," Joss smiled.

"She was about to leave for the Alewife station," Bego explained. "I was going to tell you to go there. Dad and Clint are on their way from the airport."

Wade was panting, "Joss, you okay?"

"I'm great, of course. Let's go."

"Go where?"

"I suggested Vermont, remember?"

"Vermont? When?"

"When we talked on the phone, remember?"

"I don't remember anything after you told me you were pregnant. Are you okay? I'm sorry. I thought everything was--"

"I'm not pregnant."

"You told me you were pregnant."

"I did not tell you I was pregnant."

"Yes you did."

"No, I didn't. I told you that I told Daddy I was pregnant."

Wade looked puzzled, "Isn't that the same thing?"

"It certainly is not."

"You're not pregnant?"

"I'm not pregnant."

"But you told your Dad you're pregnant."

"Right."

"And now he's trying to kill me?"

"Well, there was that down side."

Wade took a deep breath, "Why?"

"So he'd say we could get married."

"What?"

"He said you'd have to do the right thing, that means marry me."

"But you told him you were pregnant!"

"Wade, we've been over that. Are we going to Vermont or not?"

"Vermont?"

"No wait for marriage license, no blood test, no residency requirement. Heck we might be married in an hour if we leave now. Or you can wait here and hope Daddy will give you a chance to explain."

"Vermont."

Joss began to smile, then frowned, "You didn't pack a bag like I asked you, did you?"

"Bag?"

"So we could find some bed and breakfast place in the Green Mountains for a couple nights."

"I, uh, missed that."

Bego broke into their conversation, "You two need to scoot. Give me your cell phones." The two turned over their cell phones, and Bego handed hers to Joss. The blue girl smiled, "Daddy has to talk with me today."

"We'll call later," Joss promised as Wade picked up her bag and the two headed for the hovercraft.

"First wedding, then shopping for clothes," Bego shouted after them.

* * *

Twenty-three minutes later there was a heavy pounding on the door.

"Daddy! Clint! How wonderful to see you."

"Don't call me Daddy. And where's Joss?"

"That would make a marvelous topic of conversation over lunch. Why don't--"

"Damn it, where's Joss?"

"If you are going to be rude the conversation is over."

Bego began to close the door. Clint bumped his father aside and tried to get a foot in the door. Bego paused and looked at him, "I knocked you out when I was seven, you don't want to tangle with me now."

"Wasn't you that knocked me out, it was Joss."

"Well those are part of the memories I share with Joss. I remember knocking you flat. Scared the heck out of me, I thought I'd killed you."

"You caught me by surprise," Clint insisted, slipping into the argument he'd had many times with Joss over the years.

"You told yourself that often enough yet that you really believe it?"

"It's the truth!"

"Clint, I knocked you flat when I was seven. Accept that."

"I should have let you lasso that skunk, would have served you right."

"No good deed goes unpunished," Bego laughed. "I was pretty dang mad. I wanted to keep it for a pet." She turned to Slim, "It's all your fault for not letting me have a kitten like I asked for."

"You're not Joss," he bellowed, "tell me where she is!"

"I told you, we can talk about that over lunch. And for being rude, you now have to let me call you Daddy while we're there."

"I wouldn't--"

"I can put on even more conditions if you don't calm down now."

"You piece of--"

"Quiet, Dad," Clint told him. "We want to hear what's happening with Joss. It appears to me that we best play by her rules."

Bego smiled at him, "Thanks, Clint. Don't know why everyone thinks JW got all the brains."

"I should have let you lasso the skunk."

Bego locked the apartment, and the trio headed down the street to a diner. While his focus remained on Joss one problem gnawed at Slim's mind, "Do you really eat?"

"Well, yes and no. I got Joss's memories of eating, and I can eat things - but I can't taste them. But I don't need to eat and it's a pain to clean out. Right now Vivian Porter, she's like a second mom to me, is trying to figure out how give me a sense of taste. I'm going to eat for a week if she ever gets that working."

The noon rush was over, and they had no trouble finding a booth. "Joss likes the roast beef sandwich," Bego suggested.

"I don't--" Slim began.

"Order the roast beef, Dad," Clint seconded, "been hours since you had a real meal."

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat," Clint told him.

"He's right," the blue girl agreed.

The men ordered sandwiches. Bego went with tea, holding the cup gave her something to do with her hands and it was easy to clean out.

"Okay, where's Joss," Slim began again as the waitress left.

"Give me a minute, Dad, I'm not sure where to start."

"Start by tellin' me where Joss is," he repeated.

"This isn't what she wanted. This isn't what she wanted at all. But she felt like you didn't give her a choice, she felt like she had to--"

"Where is Joss?"

"Can I start with the why before the where?"

"No!"

Clint put a hand on his Dad's arm, "Let her talk." He turned to Bego, "You're gonna stop beatin' round the bush and tell us at some point?"

"Yes." She looked up at the ceiling and tried in vain to collect her thoughts. "Joss wanted a simple little wedding at the church back home after she graduated next year. But--"

"She's too young to get married."

Bego ignored him, "She wanted to walk down the aisle on your arm. It was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. Walking down the aisle with you to get married. That was what she wanted - and you wouldn't let her have it."

"She's too young to get married," he repeated

"No, she's not… We're at the end of our junior years in college. Why do you treat us like children? Is the problem that she's been away so much since she was fifteen that you've lost track of how old we are?"

"I know damn well how old my daughter is, she's still too young."

"How old was Mom when you married her? How old was JW?"

"Joss is different."

"How?" she demanded He fell silent. The metal girl gave him a minute as their orders arrived. When the waitress left Bego continued, "She wanted your blessing, for you to say it was okay the way you made us promise--"

"What are you talkin' about?" Clint interrupted.

"Before we left for Middleton, Dad made us promise not to marry without his permission."

Clint turned to his father, "What's she talkin' about? Did you make Joss give you a promise like that?"

Slim paused for a second, then admitted, "Yeah, I did. Didn't want her making any fool mistake."

Clint appeared upset, "So, you were fixin' to run her life?"

"She was a kid when she went to Middleton. I didn't know what she might do."

"We're not kids any more. We're over twenty-one and don't want to be bound by some promise we made more than six years ago," Bego objected.

"I didn't make you promise nothin'!"

"I've got Joss's memory of that too. If I find a guy who can accept me the way I am I'll be asking for permission to get married too. And it was that dang promise that made Joss feel like had to do what she did."

"What'a you mean?"

"I mean, she forced you to tell Wade to do the right thing by her. She said that meant you gave her permission to get married."

Slim looked shocked, "She… She got pregnant on purpose just to…"

"No, she didn't."

"But you said she did it on purpose, to force my hand."

"She's not pregnant."

"She's not pregnant?"

"She told you that to force your hand; she's not pregnant."

Slim sat stunned, not sure whether the feeling of relief or anger was greater.

The blue woman put her hand on her father's hand, "She might have done it for real. She didn't want that. She saw what a problem having kids while you're in college was for cousin Kim. But she--"

"She loves him that much?"

"Yes, she does."

"She should'a told--"

"She tried. You wouldn't listen."

Silence reigned at the booth as Clint finished his sandwich and Slim stared at the food on his plate. Joss's phone vibrated in Bego's jeans and she pulled it out to read the text message, "Just married." She closed the phone and stuck it back in her pocket.

Slim sounded tired when he finally started to ramble. "I didn't… I don't… I feel like I've lost her."

"You haven't lost her. She loves you."

Maybe he heard her, maybe he didn't. He continued, "She writes emails home everyday. She didn't mention Wade. She--"

"Actually, I write the emails."

"What?"

"Most of them, anyway. I don't sleep so I have more time to write. Joss tells me about her day and I write Mom. And you--"

"They're her account. She signs 'em."

"Mom suggested I write as if Joss sent them. Said you got upset when I wrote in my name. She always calls us her girls when she emails us."

"You sent the emails?"

"Most of them. Joss writes some - and always tells me things to say. And I tried to talk about Wade and how Joss feels, but Mom said you always got upset. So I stopped."

"I… Am I that stupid?"

"No, you're not stupid. But you don't listen. You're so smart you think you should tell others what to do. You figure you know better than they do." The blue woman looked at Clint.

"She's right Dad, I've had some good ideas for the ranch…"

"Joss?"

"She loves you. They eloped--"

"She's not dropping out of school!" he thundered, regaining some of his spirit.

"No, Dad. She'll finish here next year. They're building a house in Middleton. But her biggest fear in the world is that you won't talk with her."

"She's my little girl. I'll always love her."

"She loves you. Part of her will always be your little girl. But she's grown up, you need to accept Wade."

"She wanted me to walk her down the aisle?"

"She did."

"She told you that?"

"Didn't have to. We share memories, remember. It's what we wanted since we saw Clint's wedding." She turned to her brother, "We watched her coming down the aisle to you on her Dad's arm and she looked so happy it was all we could think about for days. How happy we'd be some day."

Clint smiled, "It was wonderful."

She turned back to Slim, "We never lost that. We--"

"We?"

"Yeah, sorry… I… It's kind of weird when half your memories come from a different body."

He squeezed her hand gently. "I'm the one who's sorry… I'll try to be a better Dad to you."

Bego smiled, "Do… Do you really mean that?"

"I mean to try. I've already messed up Joss's life. I don't want to ruin another."

"You haven't ruined her life. She loves you. The biggest worry she has in the world right now is that you won't love her for what she did."

"I'll never stop loving her."

"She can come to the ranch? She can bring Wade? You'll try and accept him?"

"She can come with Wade… I'll try to really talk with him… Maybe your Mom would like to have a reception for them at the church."

"Joss would love that."

"You said they eloped? Any chance they aren't hitched yet?"

"They're married."

"Too late then to offer to walk her down the aisle."

"You'd do that?"

"Dads have dreams too."

"Could… Could they have a second ceremony back home? One this summer? Please?"

"It wouldn't be the same."

"Please?"

"She'd want that?"

"It would make her the happiest girl in the world!"

He smiled, "Can't say no to that."

Bego squealed with joy and bounced out of the seat in the booth to hug Slim. "I love you… I mean Joss loves you. We--"

He patted her back, "That's okay."

"Ohmygawd! I've got to call her! I promised her that-- But I have to!" She pulled out Joss's phone and called her own number.

"Second ceremony, back home, this summer!" Bego shouted in the phone when Joss answered. She listened for a minute, then handed the phone to Slim. They called Becky after leaving the diner.

It was a very small ceremony in August, the families and a few people from Lipsky and Load. The media, who would have besieged the church for the wedding because of their rescue of the alien artifacts, were not told.

A number of nieces and cousins were disappointed by the lack of a flower girl, but Joss figured they would have been more disappointed if someone else had been asked. Slim thoroughly disapproved of the groom's choice of his business partner as best man, but wisely said nothing. At least his blue skin echoed the hue of the bride's maid of honor.

Afterwards, at the reception, Slim even asked Shego for a dance, and it was purely by accident that she stepped on his foot while they were out on the floor.


	18. All's Fair in Love, part 3

Boilerplate Disclaimer: All the various characters from the Kim Possible series are so owned by Disney.

**All's Fair in Love – part 3  
**

"She's my wife," Wade complained to Drakken as the blue man made three steaming cups of coco-moo. "We have to hire her."

"I'm not sure… I mean, I think we should… But I won't fight Zita."

He brought two cups over to the table in the old lair kitchen, then returned to the stove for his own.

"Jim and I told Zita we should hire her," Tim assured Wade as Doc joined them.

"Jim," Wade snorted, "I don't know whose side he's on. He's helping Zita set up some test for Joss. Doc and I are the head partners, we need to stand up and tell Zita what to do."

"Uh, while the firm is Lipsky and Load," Drakken pointed out, "we don't run the place, Zita does. She's, uh, I mean, I don't want to tell her how to do her job."

"Coward!" Wade snapped, "no wonder you never took over the world." He regretted his words when he saw Drakken's hurt expression. "Sorry, I'm on edge… I don't want to face Zita either."

"Look," Tim pointed out, "this is best for Joss, and you know it. If she thought she only got hired because she's married to you she'd always be doubting herself and her place here."

"I suppose," Wade admitted reluctantly.

"Do you have any concerns she won't pass?" Tim continued.

"No… It's just… Well, Zita and Jim both have mean streaks sometimes. If they're setting her up to fail, I swear, even Zita can be replaced."

"Jim wants her here," Tim assured him.

"Zita once told me you'd be forty percent more efficient if we hire Joss," Drakken told the black man.

Wade looked puzzled, "How's that."

"Well, she, uh, said you're no good on Fridays before you go to see her, and no good on Monday while you're remembering the weekend."

The three had finished their hot chocolate and were wondering if they should go to their labs when Zita and Jim came into the kitchen and Drakken made more coco-moo.

"So, what's the test?" Tim asked nervously.

"The communication module for the Venus probe competition."

"Drakken's idea didn't work," Wade pointed out.

"It would have worked fine. The problem is they don't make any capacitor that would do the job." The heart of the probe streamed data to earth, accepted commands, and controled dozens of relays - in a limited space.

"It's the same as not working," Wade argued. "I spent two days working on the design before I discovered why it wouldn't work."

"That's the test," Zita told them. The others simply looked puzzled. "Look, Wade got the design drawn up. We asked her to look it over. It's a complicated schematic - will probably take her a couple hours just to get a sense of how it works."

"Did you tell her what it was supposed to be?" Tim asked.

"Course not," Jim retorted. "She could have told in high school that it's a transceiver. That won't take her any time at all. Zita and I have a little side bet going. I'm betting she takes about five hours or less to figure out why it won't work and come out and tell us what the problem is."

"Over six hours and I win the bet," Zita told them. "Loser has to take the winner out to dinner."

"That's a complicated mechanism," Wade warned.

"I'll give her tomorrow too," Zita assured him. "Wade, I don't think she would ask for help - but you can't offer any. It would mean you don't think she's capable of doing it for herself. If you trust her, you have to let her do it by herself."

But what if she--" Wade protested.

"Trust her," Tim told him. "Have faith, she can do it."

Wade nodded, "I know, just nervous."

"She'll do fine."

"So, what's it like finally living with your wife?" Jim asked. "I figure that living in two time zones meant no time to fight."

"Not quite," Wade chuckled. "It meant no time to talk things out the way we wanted before one of us had to leave."

"Bummer," Tim threw in. "How's furniture shopping going?"

"Joss has informed me that she has found the area in which I am completely ignorant. I'm not even allowed to pick out my own toothbrush without supervision - for fear I'd buy some color that clashed with the bathroom's color scheme."

Tim nodded in sympathy and put a hand on Wade's shoulder. "I feel your pain, my brother."

Zita shook her head in disgust, "Men are loco. A couch to sit on, a television on an orange crate and beer in the fridge and you're happy."

"And something to put the computer on," Jim added.

"How about just putting your laptop on your lap?" Tim suggested.

"Nah, gets in they way when you're reading internet porn."

Zita ordered them back to their labs after they finished their hot chocolate. She doubted any work would be done, the men would only be thinking about Joss.

Zita went back to her office, but she wasn't thinking about Joss, she was thinking about the bet with Jim. They had been out a few times since Ron and Bonnie's wedding. They almost always ended up back in her condo in bed. She stared out the window. Did she want to win or lose? This was completely wrong; it interfered with work. The bet was only dinner. She didn't owe him anything else if she lost. Just thinking about it made her horny. This was wrong, and the only thing she could think about.

They would _not_ go back to Jim's apartment over the old carriage house. They had done that once. Kim knocked on the door in the morning and reminded Jim about some nonsense of not sleeping with a person you wouldn't bring to the breakfast table for the family to meet.

Unsure which would have been more embarrassing, breakfast or running, Zita opted for breakfast. "We weren't sleeping together," Zita lied as they sat at the kitchen table. "I--"

"At least we didn't get much sleeping done last night," Jim interrupted. "Man, I'm exhausted."

Zita blushed, "I was there to talk business."

"Business?" Jim smirked, "is that what you're calling it? Are you going to bill me by the hour or a flat rate for the whole night? Or are you going to pay me?"

She hadn't talked with him for three weeks after that. And it had been more than two months after she was willing to speak to him again before they ended up back in her bed at her condo.

She closed her eyes tightly and tried to remind herself that sex with a co-worker was a bad idea; desperately wanting to drive out the memory of how good it felt.

The day crawled by at a snail's pace. At noon Zita heated a frozen lo-cal meal and took it in to Joss in the small conference room. "Put it down over there," the young woman told her, waving absent-mindedly to an open space on a bookcase. The table in front of Joss was littered with her own notes and schematics of the communications module. "Can't figure why anyone needs somthin' this powerful - but somethin's wrong here."

Zita smiled as she headed back to her office. Jim would win the bet. He'd have her take them someplace romantic. They'd share a bottle of wine then come back to-- She tried to shake the image out of her head. It was wrong. The bet was dinner, nothing more.

Three-thirty, and Joss remained in the conference room. Zita stared as the clock. She'd won the bet, and felt terrible.

The men were back in the old kitchen at four. Only Jim could think about anything but Joss. He wondered where Zita would have him take her for dinner. He smiled, dessert would definitely come later in the evening back in her condo. Zita entered the kitchen a little later. "She was making progress when I saw her at noon," she assured Wade. "I'm really surprised she hasn't come out to tell us she found the problem."

At four-thirty Tim knocked on the conference room door.

"Who is it?" Joss called.

"Tim. You going to knock off for the--"

"Go away!"

"But--"

"Go away, I'm almost done."

Tim retreated to the kitchen with his report.

The men weren't certain what to think. It had taken Wade two days to isolate the problem, but most of that time had been spent in converting Drakken's sketchy doodles into a schematic design. He had seen the problem as soon as he finished, but his work on the design had given him an edge in comprehension. The Possible twins thought they would have seen the flaw in two hours, tops, but they were geniuses with high opinions of their own abilities. It could easily take a good engineer two days to discover why the device wouldn't function.

Shortly after five Joss came into the kitchen and dropped her pile of papers on the table, "Where's this thing supposed to go? You're going to need to alter the plans for Mercury."

"Venus was the theory, if we had a design we could put in the competition," Wade told her.

Joss let out a soft whistle, "Cool."

"So, what is your report from seeing the plans?" Jim asked.

"Well, I reckon you can pass the extra costs along in the contract."

"That's your report?" Jim asked. A couple of the men felt sinking sensations in their stomachs, Joss had failed to discover why the device wouldn't work.

"Pretty much, 'cept it'll take six or seven weeks to get the capacitor."

Wade stared at her, "What are you talking about, they don't make a capacitor with those dimensions that'll do what these plans require."

"I called all our suppliers," Tim added. "They said it couldn't be done."

"Well, there's not one commercially available. And I don't know much about your suppliers. If they mean it can't be done at a reasonable price they might be right - if you'd already signed a contract on this it'd eat up the profits. But I called a couple of my profs from MIT and got the names of some places that will build to spec. Found a place in Japan that'll make one the necessary size and four percent more efficient than the plans require."

Tim broke in, his excitement showing in his voice, "Wait, you're telling us you figured out how to fix this?"

"Wasn't that the test?"

"The test," Jim explained, "was to see if you could figure out why it wouldn't work. If you figured out how to make it work you've exceeded all expectations."

The twins joined Wade in happy laughter for Joss's success. Drakken looked slightly offended, "I told you it was a brilliant idea! I just needed someone like Joss to figure out the petty details."

"Petty details nothing," Zita snapped. "We can't sell technology that doesn't work. Did you all hear what she said when she came in? Her first comments were on costs and profits!" She turned to Joss, "You're getting your own office."

"What?" Tim protested.

"Tim and I were here years before you let us have offices," Jim reminded her.

"You two did nothing but blow things up for the first three or four years. This firm is not here to provide you with an endless flow of explosives; it's here to turn a profit."

"We're celebrating tonight," Wade told Joss.

"That's a good idea," Zita told him. "I think all of us should go out for dinner to celebrate Lipsky and Load's new engineer."

"Can we go to the Astor?" Tim suggested

"Too expensive. Alfredo's has very good Italian, with good value."

_"Wait for it,"_ Jim thought.

Zita did not disappoint him, "And while we're out to dinner the men will explain some of the current projects going on here and we'll figure out what projects you can assist with until you start to receive some of your own. I'll also explain the Lipsky and Load benefits package, vacation schedules and other things you need to know."

"Alfredo's, you said," Drakken asked. "When?"

"I'll call in a reservation for six at seven."

"No Erin?" Tim protested.

"This is a business dinner," Zita reminded him. "If Lipsky and Load pays, and we do business, it's a tax write-off."

Drakken, Joss and Wade, and Tim left to change before dinner. Zita returned to her office to call in the reservation and work until dinner. When she finished with the reservation she looked up to find Jim in the doorway, leaning against the frame.

He grinned, "Looks like I won the bet."

"How do you figure that? I won."

He shook his head, "No you didn't Z."

"It took her more than six hours."

"The bet was if it took her six or more hours just to discover the problem and say it couldn't be done. She figured out the problem in less than six. You said that yourself."

"Yes, but--"

"You lost, Zita. She solved it, she did way better than expected."

"But--"

"And this Friday you will be taking me to dinner at the Astor. You can reserve a little private dining room if you want to impress me or we can sit in the main dining room. Your choice."

"I didn't lose. I--"

"You lost. Dinner at the Astor."

"All right," she snapped. "But we are not going back to my place afterwards."

"Okay."

"I mean it."

"I said okay."

He had given in much too easily. "We're not going to your place afterwards either."

"I'll dust and vacuum."

"We are not going to your place."

"Fine, if you say so."

She felt disappointed; he had given in much too easily. "What time would you like to eat, and who's driving?"

"Dinner at eight, I'll drive. You want me to drive to Alfredo's tonight?"

"No, I'm going to need to come back here. Didn't get much done today."

"Okay, see you at seven."

She stared at his back as he left. The twins had filled out very nicely since they started at Lipsky and Load. _"He gave in so easily, maybe he's not interested."_ She sighed, _"We shouldn't be having sex. Maybe it's just as… He might plan on a room at the hotel that night. They say their rooms are very nice… I'll take my big purse, I can put in a change of underwear and a toothbrush - just in case."_

* * *

"You impressed Zita today," Wade told Joss as they got ready for bed that night.

She grinned it him, "It felt real good."

"Heck, you didn't impress just Zita today, I think you impressed us all. But, man, I don't think I've impressed Zita twice in the years she's been there. And you just looked at that schematic and solved the problem. You're incredible, you know that?"

"My husband has been known to tell me that."

"Your husband is a very lucky man."

She giggled, "I think so. I think he's pretty special too."

He winked at her, "Want the celebration to continue right now?"

"How about an eye-opener in the mornin'? It was a really stressful day."

"I can live with waiting 'til morning."

They got in bed and he pulled her close, "You're incredible," he whispered.

"Thanks." She snuggled close, finding a comfortable position with his arm around her. "Oh, Zita forgot to cover somethin' important tonight."

Wade thought about dinner, Zita had seemed excruciatingly detailed in her orientation. "What did she miss?"

"Details about maternity leave."

--The End--


End file.
